Eros  Tanatos
by Katarisha
Summary: It is all about Angie "Shade" Shepard and Thane Krios, more or less... as there are Collectors to be defeated and all that. The story starts a day before Angie recruits Thane and follows them from then forward.  No, I will not "kill" Thane! or maybe...
1. PROLOGUE

_**Authors Notes: After playing ME and ME2 I simply had to go and try to white a story regarding Shepard (in this case Angie, not "generic" one) and Thane although others shall be mentioned swell. I am not giving up on other fic that I am working on but this one is in my main focus right now. Although this Prologue starts with a poem it is not poetry, so don't be fooled. The actual story begins with next chapter as this one only serves as setting ground lines for Shepard itself. I rated this as M, although I wont go into sexual specific (probably), it is just for being safe. Thank you for taking your time and reading it and please, I beg for your patience reading grammar, English is not my first language and definitely not my strong point. Reviews are much desired.**_

_**Updated: Hurray! My many thanks are extended to voltagelisa for correcting my many, many mistakes and making this chapter less choppy.**_

_**Names, locations, main plot and so on belong to all mighty BioWare, basically all that you recognize from the game; other things are of course mine, at places where credit is due it is stated so. Oh and just to be on the safe side: there should be some spoiler alert here - Spoiler Alert!**_

_**... ... ... ... ...  
><strong>_

**Eros-Tanatos**

**I drunk, but not drunk thee all, Love.**

**Like enticing vine of sweetest wines,**

**absorbed thee, that I was no more sober**

**and I knew not, that thee are Death.**

**I gazed the direful blacks of thy abyss:**

**and because of my in bitterness**

**coverted glance, I knew not, Death,**

**that thee is most mystifying Love.**

_(__Gradnik)_

**PROLOGUE**

Angie "Shade" Shepard, commonly known as 'ASS' by her enemies, she was 'THE ASS'. Right the ass was walking straight to the lift and into her loft in order to remove the gore of the battle. She had succeeded once more, recruited yet another member for her crew, Samara, asari Justicar.

_"By the code I will serve you, Shepard. Your choices are my choices. Your morals are my morals. Your wishes are my code."_

She clearly remembered solemn oath that Samara has sworn to her, the Third Oath of Subsumation, the hardest one that any Justicar swears. Angie still had chills because of that, she felt honored and although she did not show it, she felt that she probably isn't worthy of it. And to top that, Samara didn't seemed to be curious about the mission they were on, she didn't ask hundred questions, she just looked at her and decided, she believed in her without not knowing her.

_Why could Samara do that while Kaidan, who knew her, didn't even give her enough time to properly explain? Why?_

The thought of the whole incident on Horizon made her anger resurface yet again and a brand new headache started to spread. She leaned against the terrarium, originally it was built to be a fish tank, but she despised fishes. The little leopard gecko hissed against the wall, made her turn around, forgetting about her thoughts for a tiny bit as she put some worms inside the walls of his home.

"There little guy, I bet you are hungry," she smiled. That reminded her that she had not eaten yet. With a sigh she removed her armor and walked into bathroom. Water always helped her to relax, to just be, enjoying it as casacaded down her skin. She loved water, probably because of childhood... She grew somewhere in the slums on the Earth, wretched place never earned a spot on the map, it was forgotten by the law, by everybody. Nobody cared for the lost souls there and even they, themselves didn't cared.

She never knew her parents, she didn't remembered anything. She was just there in those slums. All she knew was the most important things, she needs to eat, drink and sleep. There no time for baths, water was luxury... no time for games... unless it was the game of survival. _That_ she was always good at – survival. She learned young that she had to be. There were only three ways to choose from to survive: One, you could be strong and menacing enough that you could beat all in your path and rule the streets. The second option was - you could become one of the invisibles, quick and stealthy. The third option... the last option... was death. She was just a tiny little girl, her bones strongly showing through her skin, more of a skeleton than anything else really. She was not a strong big bull, so she resorted to the second option, stealth. Even back then, death was not an option for her.

First she used her quickness and tiny physic to appear invisible so she could steal with ease. She knew how to steal, she stole a piece of bread here, and a glass of water there... It was living, of a sort. At the age of 8 she had the misfortune to stumble upon a drunkard, he wanted to take advantage of her and even at that age she would not allowed it... she had a knife, that nice little boy gave it to her...

_What was his name... ah... Nicholas... bright blue eyes obscured by muddy brown hair... he died..._

He was killed. Nicholas... she stabbed that dirty old bastard, stabbed him many times... Her first kill... messy... frightening... but it gave her strength, she learned a lesson...

Just two years later she was recruited by the local gang, one of more powerful ones, The Dragons. They had seen her defend herself against another old pervert and saw potential, so they promised her food, water and a bed to sleep in... her first true shelter. She accepted, they delivered. It was all about violence then, fighting for territories, stealing, running for dear life when owerpovered. But it was not all bad, they laughed, they sang, they danced, they ate... They become her family, they were hers and she was theirs.

_Nanetya, Alginos, Serena, Ferdy, Piccolo, Andree, Gisele... brothers and sisters...BOOM... lost forever... _

But it all ended with one well placed explosion... she lost them all. She was lucky, she was on the job, but it hurt, she loved them, they were her family... only family she ever knew.

It felt good to be in clean clothes. She combed her hair, tying it up and walked back out of her room, straight to the Mess Hall. Mess Sergeant Gardner smiled at her and she returned the smile. Promptly he gave her her plate, he already knew what she would have. Food became better now that they restocked with ingredients from the Citadel. Angie made sure of that, she wanted her crew to eat as good as possible. She walked to her table, sat down and dug in, savoring every bite.

She allowed her mind to drift back to the musings she had while cleaning herself up.

Then she realized that this life of crime doesn't lead anywhere but to an early grave. That was not for her, no, she would do something of herself. In a mere day her resolve was formed. She stole clean clothes, made herself as presentable as she could and walked straight to the Alliance Recruitment Post. As far she knew it was the very day of her 18th birthday. At first they laughed at her, but she didn't give in, she let the fire in her eyes shine. She even managed to subdue one of the soldiers there...

_Well, he really didn't expect that from a shabby looking young girl. _

Then they accepted her and it was heaven.

She loved the order, the discipline, the rules, the training – she loved it all. Once again felt like she had a family. It was heaven. It was not an easy start, she had to learn, she had to become stronger but she did it, against all odds her drill instructor told more than once. She worked her ass off and it worked out just nicely. To be honest, she even found enjoyment in reading whatever she would find.

But then Akuze happened. Her unit was trapped in extreme survival situation... all her unit fell to thresher maw in the end. She had seen them dissolve from the acid that damned beast spat... painful, gruesome, slow death... She was petrified, she ran, that was all she did was run... run for her life... and she escaped it, she survived... Her skin burning from the poison, her eyes red from tears, her screams caught in her lungs... but she ran, running like hell itself was after her. No stopping, no looking back... why would she, she knew all of them were dead already, she saw them, she couldn't do anything more for them... and she escaped. Eight days she was stranded there, without water, just laying down on the rock, not daring to set another foot back on the sand. She waited and she was rewarded... they came for her, took her away... She had to go into therapy and within three months she gathered herself and was once again back on duty. That experence hardened her...

_What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. _

Then she excelled in the missions, she was the very example of the Alliance soldier. They used her as a poster girl, not something she liked, but they did it anyhow. Shepard, every solder knew who she was...

_Shepard - The Survivor. _

As she was promoted to the rank of Commander she began her service on Normandy under Captain Anderson, he became sort of father figure to her, they befriended. She enjoyed her work, it gave her meaning, it gave her life meaning. And then she became the very first human Spectre, a honor and a burden... she hunt Saren, a Spectre gone rogue, indoctrinated by a Reaper. Reapers, a mystical being of the legends and yet it was proven they exist. A Reaper called Sovereign attached itself to the Citadel, wanting to open a relay, the sad part was the Citadel itself was a massive relay... but She and her team stopped it. Her ship led the whole human fleet first saving the Council, and then attacked the Reaper. While they fough in the air she fought Saren on the Citadel; well, not really Saren, but a possessed dead body of Saren. Saren had killed himself when she convinced him that there is still hope.

She sighed, placing the plate into the sink and walked back into her quarters. She sat behind her desk and went through her mail, some messages were nice, other... not so. She still ignored the one that Kaidan sent.

She flashed back to the rest of her history, what happened after killing Saren.

Then The Savior of the Citadel had many formal appearances, invited to dinners, they showcased her like a model, but nobody wanted to hear about the Reaper threat anymore. For them that threat did not exist anymore...

_"You are more trouble than you are worth!" Fucking Udina!_

Her relentless pointing out to them that the Reapers were coming became unbearable for them, they sent her and her crew to Terminus System to eradicate the last of Geth resistance. They all blame it on the Geth now... and there it happened that she was killed. Dead. Completely, utterly passed away.

_R.I.P. _

She got up and threw herself onto the bed, hoping that sleep would come soon, another recruitment waiting tomorrow... an assassin. She had no idea where to start looking.

_Maybe Liara would know... _

Yes, she would visit Liara... Liara already helped her with tracking down Samara...

She smiled sadly as she remember...

Nobody asked her if she wants to be resurrected. Nobody! It just happened. It was painful. It felt... not as herself. She woke by an unknown woman's voice, on a station that was under attack. All she could think about was survival... to escape. Only later she learned that it was Cerberus organization who revived her.

_Fucking terrorists! _

She has seen files, she has seen videos of the procedure... it was... unnatural... Shouldn't even be... wrong...

"Humanity needs you." smoking man said, Illusive Man as they call the prick. She hated him, she wanted to kill him. Yet she could not, he wasn't there in person, he knew she would attempt it... he was smart, too smart. He gave her a proposition she could not refuse... Better, a new Normandy, new crew, funds, information, everything. All she had to do is accept to lead a suicide mission to try and defeat Collectors.

_Easy, simple, clean... slightly problematic... hahaha... what a joke!_

Human colonies were vanishing. The Collectors were behind it, and behind Collectors were Reapers. She had no choice, she had to accept...

She bit into the pillow with frustration. The Alliance refused to help her, also the Council refused to help her. The only thing the council did was reinstated her as a Spectre... but those were just words... they didn't trust her...

_Did they ever? _

And then Kaidan... he turned his back on her on Horizon. He accused her of betraying Alliance, betraying what they believed in... her betraying him. He didn't even want to hear that she was dead... no, all he cared for was that she worked with Cerberus.

_Stupid asshole! _

No, she would not think of that... not anymore... it doesn't matters... Who cares that she died, there is nothing special in that. Who cares that she was brought back in life... nothing special in that either. Only thing that matters is that she successfully finishes the mission ahead. Not necessary coming out alive, that isn't important either, just saving the Galaxy is, saving all biological beings in it.

_Why again do I want to save them?_

Because it is in her blood, it is something she just has to do...

She fell asleep...


	2. The Crusade for Hope Pt1

_**Authors Notes: So now we will slowly go and grab Thane. This chapter is broken into three because it is long one, and important, I want to at least try to give a credit to it. Some dialogs will be from the game itself, some slightly changed, some completely different. We will see how this works up. Anyhow, here is the first part of the actual chapter 1, no actually Thane in it, but it is leading towards him. Thank you for reading and patience with my grammar/spelling.**_

_**Updated: My gratitude is extended to voltagelisa who was kind enough to beta-read and deal with my many mistakes.**_

… … … … …

"**What you hope for is, that at some point of the pointless journey, indoors or out, and when you least expect it, right in the middle of your stride, like that, so neatly that you never feel a thing, the kind assassin Sleep will draw a bead and blow you"**

**(R. Wilbur)**

**Chapter 1 : A CRUSADE FOR HOPE Pt. 1**

The clock went off and soon after it found itself flying through the air.

"You need to get up Shepard," EDI popped up as she did every time that Angie sent the clock flying... which was every morning

"Why should I get up, again? I am dead, I can fucking sleep in, can't I?" Shepard growled.

"I am acting per your instructions Shepard. You are not dead and you wanted to go after that assassin today." EDI retorted.

_Hell... so all this was not just some awful dream... or hell... I am alive and need to go on saving the Galaxy once more. Great, just fucking great!_

Angie crawled out of her bed, moving like a fog towards shower. At least that was something she could look forward to; a nice long shower with half-closed eyes, like standing under waterfall.

"What the hell!" Shepard shouted and jumped out from under the waters spray.

"I adjusted the water temperature to cold. My data says it is one of the most efficient ways to wake sleepy people up," EDI promptly replied.

"Well, thank you, so very much. You have just made my day brighter, EDI," Shepard said with sarcasm thick in her voice.

"You are welcome," EDI decided to ignore the tone," Should I call Miss. Lawson and Mr. Taylor to wait for you at the Air Lock?"

"What for? They are not going with me. Notify Garrus and Zaeed to meet me there." Shepard ordered.

"They are notified. Login you out Shepard," EDI informed her as her blue orb vanished.

She wasn't crazy enough to let Miranda or Jacob to join her on any of her missions. The only missions where they accompanied her, was when she had no choice in the matter. Garrus on the other hand, she could always trust him, he was her friend always watching her back.

_"Garrus!"_ She feels her breath stuck in her lungs. _Oh please, oh please, don't let him be dead, not him, not now! "Why the hell did you have to go and try to catch rocket with your teeth... Gunship, fucking gunship."_ She launches up into standing position with her own rocket thrower in her hand, and demands retribution, sends it to the depths of the fiery hell. She falls onto her knees again_ beside Garrus' body. "Garrus!"_ She sees him move, he gasp for breath_. "It is not too late, it is not to late... Garrus, stay with me, stay with me Garrus..."_ she pleads, she demands, she urges. He survived in the end. He was a tough son-of-a-bitch, the same as her, he survived. The only visible reminders of his performance 'of-with-teeth-catching-a-rocket' were the scars on the right side of his face. She didn't mind it, he was still that awesome turian, that friend of hers. Hell, it even made him look better.

She shrugged at the memory of the not so long past when she went searching for new crewmen to join her cause. Archangel, they called him Archangel back there on Omega. He had his own team and they died because of betrayal. She knew he was suffering inside, she knew this very well. Just as she knew that she will eventually have to do something about it, but now was not the time. When he was ready, he would come to her, so she let it aside for a while.

_Sweet, dear old Garrus, always there for her… well, almost always, calibrating things still had priority._

She chuckled, dressing in her under-armor and strapped pieces of armor over it. She worked slowly, her fingers used of the actions to the very extent that it was completely natural for her as her thoughts wandered over to Zaeed.

Zaeed Massani, notorious as the galaxy's most feared bounty hunter and mercenary. Zaeed, with one blind eye, distinctive scarring on his face; and tattoo of the Blue Suns insignia on his neck. An image that put the feeling of fear in most people who looked at him, she considered him the prince of revenge. She wasn't all that happy about him joining the crew, but hell, she needed the best of the best. His inferno grenades proved quite useful on the battlefield and she came to appreciate his cold behavior when they faced their targets. Back on the ship, he was a chatty creature though... well, he became such, as soon as she beat him at his own game, throwing knives into dartboard. They threw knifes and spoke about his past adventures quite often. In some ways he was like her, in others, he was like what she would have been if she never joined alliance. Other times she could just punch him straight in the face... _Gosh I wish for that sometimes..._

Sarcastic laugh escaped her lips as she entered the lift. _Is it any occurrence that all three of us have scars on our faces? _

"So boys, ready to hunt this assassin down?" she motioned to the exit of the ship.

"Hell yeah!" Zaeed cheered.

Garrus just patted his own little sniper grinning at Angie, "Sure am, Shade. Ready to scope and drop them!"

"Move out," she simply ordered.

… … … … …

It was nice to see Liara yet again, although, there were deep shadows on Liara's face now. Angie remembered this young, a bit awkward but gentle asari that she meet back on the old Normandy, before she died. She remembered how she had to fight Benezia, Liara's mother, who was indoctrinated by the Reaper. She remembered how this sweet little asari has expressed her feelings towards her, half-scared. She had to turn her down, gently, she liked Liara but not in that way. For some reason she had seen her more as a young little girl, still new to the world, with those big blue eyes of hers. But now, Liara has changed, gravely.

_"Have you faced an asari commando unit before? Few humans have."_

Liara was now using the very same words as her mother did. Angie wondered how it all come down to this. She shrugged the memory off as she approached the asari sitting down by her table at Loading Bay.

"Are you Seryna? Liara told me you might know where Thane Krios is," Shepard started in no mood for a small talk.

"Yea, I know who Thane Krios is. I might have passed him some information," the asari spoke and quickly added, "but I didn't hire him. Who is asking and why do you want to know?" The asari gave Shepard a suspicious glimpse.

"I am Commander Shepard. Where is he?" Angie didn't felt like explaining her reasons.

"Ha, I can tell you, but you won't stop him." Shepard just rolled her eyes to the ceiling, Garrus smirked.

"I am listening," Angie urged the asari to continue.

"When he contacted me I ran a check on him. The man never gives up on the job." The asari warned.

_Well, that is reassuring. I would certainly need people who don't give up on a job._ Shepard was momentarily lost to her thoughts as Seryna went on explaining about her old job, about Nassana firing her and who knows what else. Angie didn't cared, she just wanted to be done with all this.

"Her loss," asari prattled on. "I might have been good enough to stop Thane from taking her down."

_Oh yea, riiight... I have seen his files also_. "If you worked there as a security you must know what is waiting for him," Angie chose to say instead.

"Eclipse mercs, high-tech killers... Thane has quite a reception waiting for him. I told him all I knew. He didn't seem worried." Then asari answered with a shrug.

_Sounds perfect, someone else who doesn't give a shit if he lives or dies, or maybe he is just being cocky. Gods I hope he isn't just some male version of princess Miranda._

"So where do I find Thane?" Shepard cut to the chase.

"The Dantius Towers. Penthouse level of tower One."

"It doesn't sound like Nassana will just let me waltz in, grab the assassin and wave goodbye, does it," Shepard murmured with a grin.

"Let me guess, you can get us in?" Garrus spoke to asari for the first time with grin on his face.

Seryna turned around pointing into the towers hovering the skies of Ilium: "There is a second tower, still under construction. If Thane is smart, he will go in from there."

"Do you know anything else?" Shepard pressed.

"Not much. He did say that he is not doing this for credits. Nobody hired him. I wanted to know whom I am helping and he said, he is doing this job on his own. That he has to restore the balance of his life." Seryna smirked, "I don't know, maybe he is crazy. If he takes down Nassana, I don't care why he does it."

_Crazy? Crazy is good. Everybody on her crew is crazy. Hell, they have to be. No sane person would want to go on this suicide mission. Yep, crazy will do just fine._

"When are we heading out," Angie becomes slightly inpatient.

"We will go tonight, when the day-shift ends." Seryna turned to Shepard looking straight into her eyes, pausing for a moment, "So... this assassin. You plan to stop him?"

"Nope," an almost playful smile draws on Angie's face, "I am just making sure that he survives."

"Huh," asari smirked.

She nodded to Garrus and Zaeed to move back towards the ship.

"See you in the evening, you better be here," she calmly bid farewell from Seryna.

"Wouldn't miss it," the asari responded before returning to her work.


	3. The Crusade for Hope Pt2

_**Updated: **__**Fixed some spelling mistakes, those that I could detect myself. Hoping still that some kind Beta would lend mi help with it. Also added just few sentences. Nothing mayor.**_

_**Authors Notes: **__**In this second part of chapter 1 we will finally "meet" Thane... although, there is still some time before Angie Shepard will meet him. I am writing about this "quest" more detailed because I think it is important. Fist I was thinking to leaving out the salarian dialogs and basically all dialogs from the game, but it just didn't felt right so I decided to implement them as they are portraying both Thane and Shepard. But I also am taking some liberty to changes. Since this is a long chapter, as said before, I decided to cut it into more parts, so this is not the last part of it just yet. Thank you very much for reading. Some input would be welcome.**_

_**... ... ... ... ...  
><strong>_

**Chapter 1: A CRUSADE FOR HOPE Pt. 2**

They meet Seryna few hours later and she offered to fly them to the tower with her own car.

"Nassana is having people killed for keeping her dirty secrets..." Seryna ranted.

"She certainly didn't hesitate at having her own sister killed." Shepard gravely added.

"Oh? I didn't know that one." Asari glanced to Shepard wishing to hear more of it but soon discovered that Angie isn't planning to loose any more words on it.

"Good luck," Seryna said before she drove off, leaving Shepard, Garrus and Jack on the balcony looking after her. Their attention was soon pulled towards the large glass as noise of running footsteps and screaming penetrated the usual hustle and bustle of the night.

"What the..." Garrus started but stopped by a commanding "Hush!" of Angie as she pulled rifle from her back and started shooting towards the mechs hunting a salarian.

"And so our quiet entrance bids farewell," Shepard sighted as the last of the mechs heads exploded.

"The day that you will try a silent approach again will probably be a day when Hanars are the only race sitting on a Council chairs," Garrus snickered.

"I am just saying it would be nice for a change..." she laughed as they went towards elevator.

"Help..." salarian laying on the floor hardly audible said and raised one hand, fear and pain clearly visible on his face.

"He is still alive..." Garrus stated the obvious and made Angie roll her eyes at its obviousness.

"I can't feel my legs... my chest is killing me," salarian spoke in weak voice, drawing hard, painful breaths, squirming.

Angie kneeled before salarian, soft expression in her eyes, tenderness towards salarian and outrage towards the culprit spilled over her lips: "Who did this to you and why?"

"I can't breath, please help me, my chest is..." salarian spoke, gasping for air.

"Look at me. Try to relax. Slow your breathing," Shepard in soft, tranquil voice instructed.

"I... I can't..." the panic visible on salarian.

"Listen to my voice, one breath at the time," Angie urged salarian with hypnotic quality underlining each word. Salarians breathing slowed down, a relief visible on his face.

"Ever considered a career as a medic?" Garrus teased but Angie ignored him while administrating medi-gel to salarian.

"Thank you, that helps," salarian said visibly relieved.

"Take your time," Shepard said while helping him back onto his feet.

"We are just the night workers. Nassana sent them to round us up. But we weren't fast enough. They started shooting."

"They just attacked you?" Angie's lips tightened together into thin line as she closed her eyes in enragement.

"Yes they were to slow... It was horrible... everybody screaming. Nassana wanted us all gone... the dogs..."

Shepard put a hand on salarians arm speaking softly:" You are safe now, they wont hurt you anymore."

"Find other workers. Help them," salarian begged in broken voice.

"I will do what I can," she promised.

"Thank you," salarian exalted before walking away.

"Is it safe to say that if assassin doesn't get her, we will?" Garrus asked grimly.

"It is," Shepard's hand clenched into fist and fire lit in her eyes:" Lets move, it does no good standing here."

They punched a button in the elevator and let it take them higher up.

... ... ... ... ...

Thane Krios looked out from his hiding place. His eyes seen two mercs rushing salarian workers into a room at gunpoint. The decision came to him in a heartbeat. He silently sneaked behind the first one and snaps his neck. Before the second merc could react, Krios jumped behind him and took his breath away forever. He quickly locked salarian workers in the safeness of the room before returning to the ducks. He had to rest for a second as the dust found its way into his lungs. As soon as he wanted to continue with his infiltration he heard the gunshots and stopped.

... ... ... ... ...

With gestures she ordered Garrus and Jack to take cover by the crates on each side of the room before she silently stepped into the cover at the center. An amused smirk embellished her face as she throw a singularity at FENRIS and LOCHI mechs who were inactively laying on floor looking as if sleeping, throw followed and sent them both smashing into nearest wall, exploding on the impact.

"My turn," Garrus spoke at the same time as he head-shooted a merc who was foolish enough to look from under his cover.

Eclipse mercs were now fully aware of their presence and launched their defensive attack on them. Jack maniacally laugh and launched towards them smashing the skulls of three of them while Garrus continued delivering bullets into mercs heads. Shepard focused on Eclipse Vanguard with her biotics. When Vanguards defenses crumpled to dust she lifted her up just before she launched a volley of shots with her rifle turning Vanguard into swise cheese.

They methodical worked through whole floor until no resistance was left alive. They picked some still usable heat sinks while searching for their way towards another elevator that would take them higher up.

Garrus motioned Shepard towards locked doors and she nodded in silence, walked towards it and bypass it while both Jack and Garrus took point on either side of the door. As soon as the doors opened a frantic plea echoed: "Please don't kill us... We'll go... We'll go..."

"Look, they are not Eclipse. They wont kill us," another salarian spoke to the first one before turning to Shepard's team: "You are here to help us... right?"

"It is one reason I am here. Come out, it is safe enough," Shepard calmly responded.

"Thank you, we are in your depth," the gratitude visible on salarians face.

"Maybe you can help us. We are looking for someone, not a merc," Angie spoke.

"We don't know, maybe the one who locked us in," salarian worker offered.

"Locked you in? Sounds like our assassin tried to keep them safe," Garrus retorted clearly surprised.

"It seems so, doesn't it?" Angie looked from salarians to Garrus.

"Fuck, that assassin is a fucking softy," Jack disgruntled.

"You treat people like that; it always comes back to bite you in the ass," salarian workers face brightened up with the promised that Nassana might just get what she deserves.

_Did he try to keep them safe... or did he try to make us slower. I never heard of assassins saving lives. _Shepard shaded away her thoughts and spoke again: "Did you see the one that locked you in? Do you know where he is gone?"

"If he is after Nassana, he will be heading to the upper levels."

Shepard nodded before speaking: " I wouldn't stay here to long. It should be safe in lower floors."

"Thank you," salarian worker said and started to leave. When he got to the door he turned around to face Shepard last one time before exiting: " And tell your assassin to aim at hear head, because she doesn't have a heart!"

Angie simply nodded before turning to her team: "We should hurry up."

They stopped before elevator and looked around before calling it.

"We are little exposed here, specially if there is someone in the elevator," Garrus pointed out.

"I was thinking the same," Shepard concurred.

"Well, there is no lack of cover," he grinned back.

Angie waited for Garrus and Jack to get in cover before hitting the knob and running into her own cover while getting M2-77 Missle Launcher from her back.

The doors of the lift opened and indeed inside were 2 mercs and krogan Bounty Hunter.

"Hello," Shepard said at the same time as she sent a missile towards them to greet them.

"That was efficient," Garrus complimented with wide grin.

"Oi Shep, can I get one of those?" Jack asked laughing hard.

"Nope, this is my baby," Angie laughed back just before they hit the button and let the lift to take them further up.

... ... ... ... ...

Thane Krios stopped as he heard gunshots just below him. He found a small opening and peeked through it to see what is going on just below him. He has seen two humans and a turian decimating Eclipse on their path.

_So much for my plan..._

He observed their chaotic movement but even in that he has seen order.

_That turian knows how to handle a sniper gun..._

He admired the turrians skill not quite understanding why he would join forces with the tattooed woman who had no subtly to her.

_As much her way is brutal, it is also efficient... it just seems exaggerated._

Then his eyes followed up to the woman in shiny black and blood red armor. He was unable to see real difference between the black and dark red but the side effect of the treatment made these two colors vibrate in his sight, making her appearance almost unnatural.

_She is clearly the leader of these three. The command is radiating from her._

He watched her as she used her biotics in fluid movements. It seemed that it comes to her as easy as breathing to a healthy child.

_Intuitive, powerful, graceful._

He couldn't quite look away while she performed her dance. His eyes searched for her face and a gasp was caught in his throat before existing his lips.

_Is that Commander Shepard?_

His eyes wide in surprise. He has heard much of her, he knew more than most.

_Hardness and truth shimmering in her eyes. Pink lips glistering in the flashlights. Strands of hair dancing around her face. Tired but decisive voice spills her lips :" The Reapers are coming, we must prepare." Others object. Showing disbelief. Wanting her silent. The fire in her eyes starts burning. Face twists in anger :" They are coming if you believe me or not!" She walks away, proudly._

He pulls himself out of the memory of some galactic news he once seen just in time to see her bypassing the door. Another memory invades his mind.

_"We are sad to inform you that Commander Shepard has lost her life on duty, somewhere in Traverse," Emily Wong says. Sadness. Another light taken by darkness. Entropy wins. Again._

He shook himself from memory just in time to see salarian workers to run away.

_She didn't kill them. She let them go. I need to hurry._

Krios started to move again, deciding that this trio will be useful as distraction.

_But what does she want? What is she after?_

Curiosity in him awakens while he is annoyed that he missed out on her conversation with salarian workers due to his perfect memory flashbacks.


	4. The Crusade for Hope Pt3

_**Replies to Reviews:**__** Thank you for reviews, **__**Sever-Black **__**and **__**Steph.**__** I appreciate it very much. I am already looking for a kind Beta reader to help me with my deficiencies and I heartedly promise to fix things as soon as one will be kind enough to help me. Until I get, I willingly admit, the very much-needed help, I plead you to bear with me as I continue with this tale. Oh, and I do plan to re-read and fix mistakes that I did in chapters that I already wrote, at least those that my untrained eye will find. Thank you again!**_

_**Authors Notes: **__**When this part of chapter 1 was written, I first thought to divide it into making one more as it is longer, but then I decided that I will just leave it as it is and post it all together. So, in the end here, Shepard's team will finally meet Thane and get him to work with them and thus this is the end of Chapter 1 - A crusade for hope.**_

_**Updated: **__**Fixed some spelling mistakes, those that I could detect myself. Hoping still that some kind Beta would lend mi help with it. Also added just few sentences. Nothing mayor.**_

_**... ... ... ... ...  
><strong>_

**A CRUSADE FOR HOPE Pt3**

Shepard signed to Garrus and Jack to be stealthy as they approached Eclipse Trooper standing before large glass window.

"Turn around very slowly," Shepard said with a smirk on her face.

"Damn it," Trooper jumped at the voice.

"Have you seen the assassin," Angie asked in subdued tone.

"Why are you looking for him," Trooper dared a question :"You are not one of the mercs," he stated the obvious: "Who are you?"

Shepard draw closer, looking straight into mans eyes :" You have two ways down - express or coach..."

"I wont tell," Trooper said with defiance, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Not the answer I was looking for," Angie hissed through her teeth.

"I could just shoot him," Jack pointed her gun at the merc, laughing.

"If you shoot me, my team is right through there... they will be all over you," Trooper mockingly replied.

Shepard ignored her offer, stepped closer towards Trooper, fire burning in her eyes, speaking in low tone :"What sound will you make when you hit the ground? Do you think you will hear it before you die?"

Garrus chuckled as he seen Trooper start to shake.

"I... uh... down on the mezzanine, team on the bridge might have spotted him," he was now more willing to co-operate with the trio.

"And where is Nassana," Shepard pressed for more intel.

"Look, I told you what I know. I have nothing more to say to you," defiance reignited in his voice, mixed with fear of what Nassana would do to him if she would find out that he told them anything.

Angie's eyes gained unnatural red light in her blues, her scares looked like ignited from some inner fire as she took another step towards the Trooper and pushed him out the window.

"What about goodbye," she smirked watching the man scream as he fall.

"God damn it Shepard, I could learn from you," Jack laughed.

... ... ... ... ...

Thane managed to crawl his way to another floors ducks and noticed lonesome Eclipse Trooper speaking over the comm. He listened to the conversation in order to get better picture of where the troops are.

His attention was caught by something moving closer to the Trooper just below him. He tilted his head intrigued.

_Considering the shoot before asking tactic they employed before, I certainly wouldn't expect them to halt now, when there is only one target to eliminate. Maybe I will learn why are they here..._

His curiosity was piqued enough to make him stay and observe the development.

"Turn around very slowly," he heard Shepard ask. He got a better look at her now and it only confirmed that it is the same human female, although her face looked slightly different.

"Damn it," Thane heard Trooper jump and answer. He silenced the laugh inside him before it reached his lips.

"Have you seen the assassin," Thanes eyes widened in surprise as she spoke the question.

_They know I am here. I should be more careful, even if... Why are they after me? They are not on Nassanas paylist._

He recalled some memories trying to figure out when or how could he step on Commander Shepard's toes, he could not think of anything.

"What sound will you make when you hit the ground? Do you think you will hear it before you die?" Change in Commanders tone attracted Thanes attention again. Small amused smile twisted his lips, just briefly, before he was involuntarily pulled into another memory.

_"Sound of body hit the ground, shall you hear it before you die," cold whisper in his marks ear. Cold sweet on skin. Gasp for air. "Please... don't... I will tell you everything..."_

A scream echoing in the night pulled Thane out from his memory again. "What about goodbye," he heard her say as his eyes caught her pushing the Trooper out of the window.

_Cold-blooded... I need to press harder or they will reach her before I do. I can't allow them to stop me._

Thane started moving again, unease spreading in his body.

... ... ... ... ...

Shepard stopped to listen to comm chatter coming from somewhere above.

"We have reports of him on multiple levels. He is traveling true the ducks," merc reported to Nassana.

"I don't care. Just get him," Nassana demanded.

"Come on. She will be throwing us to the dogs next." merc said to his teammate.

Angies eyes looked up as there were sound of body shifting, few gaps, sound of armor touching floor, rolling, falling and then mercs corps landed before Shepard's feet's.

"Assassin giving us his greeting card or mocking us," Shepard whispered a question to Garrus.

"Want to try and reach Nassana before him?" Garrus answered with question of his own.

"Lets play," Shepard laughed back just before she started shooting the mercs guarding that floor.

"Hell yea," Jack screamed as she and Garrus both launched their assault.

Soon they run out of marks to practice their shooting and biotic skills on.

They encountered another locked doors and Shepard quickly bypassed it, just to be greeted by a gun pointing in her face.

"Get back! Get back! I will shoot," salarian shouted at them, his hand shaking.

"Don't do something you will regret later," Garrus tried to reason.

"I said get back, I will do it, please... ," salarian threat became a frightened plea: "...don't make me do it..."

Shepard moved swiftly as a wild cat, knocking salarian out and taking the gun.

"Hurt me? I hardly felt a thing," she smirked before turning her attention to another slarian jumping to the knocked ones side :" Nice and easy," she prompted him.

"He is my brother. I just want to see if he is all right. Are you the ones who shoot the merc?" he asked, hands on brother's body.

"I shoot a lot of mercs today, but I can't take credit for this..." Shepard responded examining the corps of dead merc.

"Perfect headshot with no collateral damage. Very impressive," Garrus added.

They exchanged few more words with salarian workers before sending them on their way to safety.

... ... ... ... ...

_"They are fast, to fast... need to hurry..."_ Thane thought to himself as he pushed himself towards the limits.

... ... ... ... ...

"Where is everyone? Answer me, damn it!" Nassanas frantic voice echoed from the comm terminal.

"Lets provide some cover for our assassin, what do you say Garrus," she grinned to her friend.

"By all means, we do want him alive, don't we," was a response she got.

"I am afraid your man are not able to respond Nassana," Shepard spoke into intercom sweetly and teasingly instead of dead mercs.

"Damn it!" was all that they hear from Nassana.

Jack laughed as they moved forward.

Few mercs were fussing around large crate of explosives trying to make a set up for whoever is coming. Sheppard crept from cover to cover until she was close enough. Mercs didn't have a clue about what is waiting for them. Shepard shoot and explosion shredded every merc that was within reach. Garrus and Jack started to work their magic against Eclipse Commando, wearing her down, until Shepard's singularity finished the job.

They raced forward decimating the last of Nassanas troops.

... ... ... ... ...

Just as Thane got ready to launch his attack on Nassana and her guards, the door hissed open. He paused and listened.

"Shepard! But you are dead," his mark spoke with obvious surprise.

_They were to quick...impressive, considering they had to fight their way in..._

Thane decided to listen on the conversation, working on his new plan as the situation has changed.

"All the creds on the world wont make this problem to go away," he heard Shepard say to Nassana.

_No, I would not allow it! Nassana is my mark. She will not steal a kill from me._

Maybe, if he would be quick enough he could take them all? As he planned his attack, Shepard's voice caught his attention once more.

"You kill who are beneath you, who are in your way. I kill those who give me no choice," Shepard said truth ringing in her words emphasizing the last part.

_She will not kill me, if I give her another choice. This was meant for me..._

Thane returned to his previous plan of attack, letting himself silently drop from duck to the ground as he realized that Shepard is still providing him cover.

... ... ... ... ...

Doors opened with a hiss and turned Nassanas attention to the trio that entered the room.

"Shepard! But you are dead," Nassana was unable to hide her surprise.

"I got better," Angie smirking answered.

"And now you are here to kill me," asari woman said as matter of fact.

"You really are paranoid," Shepard's voice somewhat softened.

"Don't patronize me," Nassanas voice was like ice.

"Charming as ever," Shepard teased before cutting the chase:" I am just looking for someone, but if I see you die, that would make my day."

"Just tell me the price. We can make this problem go away," Nassanas ego powered her every word.

"All the creds on the world wont make this problem go away," Angie smiled teasingly, crossing her arms over her chest as her cyber-enhanced hearing caught the sound of breathing just above them. Nobody else could hear it.

"Who are you to play as a god," Nassana demanded :" We both kill people for money. What is the difference," she continued smugly.

"You kill who are beneath you, who are in your way. I kill those who give me no choice," Shepard said in her cold Commander voice answering Nassana and giving open invitation for assassin to strike.

Krios silently dropped from the sky, landing behind one mercenary, breaking his neck with quick twist, in a second he punched the other mercenary in the throat, shattering it, he picked up his gun, in one swift liquid movement he pointed it to the third mercenary, shoot and killed, let the gun fall to the floor, in midair caught the gun of merc he just shoot, gracefully leapt to Nassana in next heartbeat, twisting asaris gun-hand behind her back preventing her to shoot him, his other hand pressing the gun to her stomach, he pulled her closer, her eyes forced into his, giving her a moment needed for her to realize his eyes are the eyes of death, pulled the trigger, gently laid her over console, picked up her hands and let them rest crossed over her body. Without looking at the other three in the room, he lowered his head, closed his eyes, brought his left hand to his right before him, and cupped them together, in pose of praying.

Angie Shepard was mesmerized by his dance of death performed, intrigued by his praying-like stand, surprised by his appearance. She never seen a drell, in picture or in live. He reminded her of a lizard.

"Impressive. You certainly know how to make an entrance," Garrus broke the silence complimenting.

Angie draw herself from what she witnessed and tentatively made a step towards assassin: " I was hoping we would talk," she addressed him.

"I apologize, but prayers for the wicked must not be forsaken," he answered with serene, deep, rumbling voice.

Shepard raised her eyebrow, surprised as much by his words as the voice that spoke them: "Do you really think she deserves it?"

He looked at Shepard and shook his head : "Not for her. For me."

Shepard's forehead wrinkled.

Thane paused, studying Shepard's confusion for a moment before speaking again with same serenity: " The measure of an individual can be difficult to discern by actions alone."

He stepped from behind a desk, eye-ridge furrowed: "Take you for instance..." he offered.

_Me? What the fuck is wrong with me again?_

"All this chaos... destruction," he motioned his hand through air.

Angie didn't interrupt him, her eyes followed his movement as he secured his hands behind his back walking gracefully towards her: "Gunfire and explosions," he stopped few steps before her :" You disrupted my plan, but your distraction eventually proved valuable," sophisticated mockery thin in his voice.

"You used me, so you could kill her," anger present in her own voice, frustration, both subtle, but there. She knew that she wasn't used, not really, she willingly provided distraction and yet... the thought of using her shook her calm. She was used to many times back on Earth before she joined Alliance, she was used by Council and Alliance later when she hunt Saren, she was used by Cerberus now... Angie clenched her teeth, trying very hard to hold back her raging emotions.

_"How would I look in comparison with this collected, cold drell if I lost my Commanders mask... "_ she thought to herself and stopped her tongue to say anything more.

Thane studied her with his deep black eyes, tilted his head just slightly by curiosity caused by the abstruse emotion that shone through her mask.

_"Not just an average soldier..."_ he thought to himself as he started to walk again, straight towards her forcing her to move aside without word or a gesture as he passed her : "I needed a diversion, you wanted to speak with me. You certainly fulfilled the end of your bargain," he teased hoping to disrupt her well-placed mask again.

_"Ah, the games you play, assassin... this round you wont win,"_ Angie thought to herself.

Shepard raised her chin slightly while nudging her head sideways just a little, estimating him and letting him know of that.

Thane felt her gaze on his back and it was becoming heavier, his lungs started to burn as her gaze made them wish for more air, he shivered inside by the invisible weight she conjured onto him, he needed a way out, quick way out before his own mask would crumble and fall under her wordless pressure " I was curious to see how far will you go to find me," he stopped before Garrus and took another pause dedicated to preservation of his composure. Suddenly he half-turned around, looking back to Shepard :" Well... here I am," his voice theatrical and yet alluring.

"Indeed," she looked from him to Jack and Garrus, nodded them and they promptly pulled the aim of their guns away from Thane.

Angie uncrossed her arms and pulled them behind herself in military pose before addressing Krios again: " Someone is abducting human colonies. We know who is the culprit. It is the race known as Collectors," her voice was official and matter-of-facty.

Thane walked toward the window as she spoke, looking out at the setting sun hardly containing melancholy hidden behind his mask :" I have heard of them. Attacking Collectors would require passing through Omega 4 Really," he paused the looked back towards Shepard over his shoulder:" No ship has ever returned from doing so." He could not hide his curiousness.

"They told me it is impossible to get to Illos to," Shepard smirked as her legs carried her to stand shoulder to shoulder against him, her eyes observing the sunset.

Thanes eyes looked out towards the sun again :" A fair point," he nodded :" You build your career on making impossible," a trace of slight admiration escaped his lips.

They stood there in silence, for a moment both lost in their own private thoughts until Thane spoke again, quieter this time, taste of some repressed sadness lingering between his words: "This was to be my last job," he paused. Angie turned her curious eyes to him, mapping the shape of his profile in silence, just waiting for what he has to say.

He looked away from the sun, searching for her eyes, fixing his gaze onto hers before softly saying: " I am dying." He turned fully facing her now and before she could say anything he continued in harsher tone :" Low survival odds don't concern me. The abduction of your colonists does." His eyes calculated her.

_"Is that empathy that crossed her face,"_ Thane silently wondered.

"I haven't heard that," surprise obvious on her face: " Can I do anything to help?" her offer rose from genuine care and concern.

_"Why would she cared for complete stranger,"_ he pondered. Usually, when he tells his clients about his impending death they ask if it is contagious, they jump away from him, but she, she has offered to help him.

"Giving me this opportunity is enough for me," he answered, gratitude underlining his words. He again looked away from her, into the setting sun, his words almost a whisper :" Universe is a dark place, I am trying to make it a little brighter before I die," silence again.

_"So do I... did so before I died and will before I die again..."_ she answered him in her mind but there only.

He turned towards her again, regret tangible in his voice :" Many innocents have died tonight. I wasn't fast enough and I must atone for that," he offered his hand :" I will work for you, Shepard. No charge." Angie accepted his hand and shake it and as such the contract has been signed.


	5. The Silence Between Us Pt1

**_Authors Notes: __Chapter 2 will be done in two parts also, because of its length, I am not sure that is for the best though, so I will ask you, dear readers, what do you prefer: Do you prefer long chapters to be divided into more short ones or would you prefer if it would be all in one piece? I can do it either way, so your opinions would be decisive in this matter. Thank you very much for reading and I hope you like it._**

**_Updated: __Fixed some spelling mistakes, those that I could detect myself. Hoping still that some kind Beta would lend mi help with it. Also added just few sentences. Nothing mayor._**

**_... ... ... ... ...  
><em>**

"**A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out."**

**(Grace Pulpit)**

**Chapter 2: ****THE SILENCE BETWEEN US Pt 1**

Garrus, Jack and Shepard escorted Thane Krios to his apartment in order for him to grab the little possessions he had. He offered to go there alone, but Shepard dismissed it, saying that he will probably need more than just one set of hands to get his belongings. Thane tried to argue but stopped when Angie gave him her "not open for discussion" stare. In the short moments that they acquainted, he already seen her shoot it at both, Garrus and Jack. None of them dared to question her afterwards, so he also chose not to.

_They know her longer, so it only makes sense if I follow the example..._

He observed Commander Shepard without her knowing, he was an assassin, good at things like that, compared her to the other human accompanying them and those that he meet in his lifetime.

_Her skin is more pale than those I meet before, almost colorless, seems like stone of a sculpture, only scars, some deep and some shallow breaking the color. Is it cold to touch? No, it can't be. Other humans weren't cold. Is it soft or is there roughness to it? If she would remove her armors glow before a handshake, I would know__.__W__hy didn't she? The other woman is pa__i__nted over the body, is Shepard's also? Does she have hidden colors? And that strange, long, thin things on her head... Jack has none... those just look...strange. I wonder how she perceives drells__ however__._

He was pulled out of his thoughts as they entered his rented apartment, well, more of a room.

He worked fast, grabbing the spare clothes, folding them together precisely even if in a hurry, three delicate-looking bottles with liquid that changed color from pink towards blue color-scale, the weapons that he didn't had with him already, data-pads... things like that. At the end, it all filled into two black boxes with silver and gold symbols.

_I really wish that Illusive Man would add pictures to the dossiers. I thought that Jack is a male before meeting her, and I had no idea what a drell would look like, certainly not a lizard. He has scales! No hair, just scales, loads of them, tiny scales. Are they all over him or? Is he cold, like snakes, in need of a warmth source? That would be inconvenient in a plan__e__t like Norveria. I wonder how it would feel to touch his...huh...skin... __Are those__ scales soft or hard? I would have removed my glove before handshake but... what if his hand would be slimy? I would probably offend him with my reaction... nope, it was better that I had my glow on... And he is green... for crying out loud green. I wonder what he__ must__ think of humans._

She pulled herself out of her thoughts just to look around the room a bit.

The room that Thane was renting on Illos was a small one, with only one window and tiny bathroom. Walls painted in ocher, uncomfortable bed pushed to the left side, metal table with one chair in the middle, one window without curtains, dark brown floors. It looked sad to Shepard, not a place where anybody would want to live for long, but exactly like places she rent on her shore leaves.

"Did you lived here long," Shepard turned to Thane as she took in the surroundings.

"Depends what is long for you," Thane replied in his usual deep, rumbling voice.

Shepard kept staring at him with one eyebrow delicately arched above her eye: "Hmm...," was all that escaped her lips.

"For asari, three years in next to nothing, for somebody else it could be lifetime," he stopped, looked back at Shepard, hands folded behind his back: "I am not acquainted with what would be long for a human?"

Shepard switch the weight from her left hand to right :" For regular human it would be neither, not long and yet not short."

Thane tilted his head slightly :" And for you?"

Angie laughed :" Long, very long," she regained seriousness: "Never stayed long on one place, being an Alliance soldier and such..." She moved towards window and looked somewhere into distance.

Thane followed her steps and stopped by her side, still looking at her: "And you are comfortable with it?"

"Of course. I choose to be in Alliance. I knew what I was getting in."

"You never wanted to, settle down, as you humans say I believe?" His eyes were still on her.

She looked at him :" Maybe at some point, for very brief moment," she dryly responded before turning her gaze back towards the window, moving her hand dismissively: " But that time passed. It was stupid dream that would not be," she crossed her arms over her cheest turning away from window and Thane: "I am a soldier and that is that."

Thane looked after her considering which of the questions he had for her would he ask first, but before he could sound one syllable she again spoke: "So are you done here or?"

"I believe I am."

She nodded and called for Jack and Garrus who were waiting just outside to come and carry one box, as Thane and her picked the other. They left the miserable room alone and walked towards Normandy. Garrus and Jack chatting the whole way, while Thane and Shepard were both staying silent, dwelling with their own thoughts.

... ... ... ... ...

"Leave that here," Shepard pointed at the boxes they carried onto Normandy: "Crew will bring them to your quarters later, when we decide where to put you."

"Yeoman Chambers, come here please. This is Thane Krios, he is a part of our crew from now on. You are to accompany him to CIC."

Thane half-bowed before Chambers and made Yeoman giggle :" Call me Kelly, everybody else does."

"If that is what you desire," Thane responded.

"I will join you in CIC soon," Shepard turned to Thane.

He half-bowed to Angie: "I shall wait there."

Shepard slightly bowed her head in response and left Thane alone with Kelly. She walked straight to her room to get rid of her armor. She decided that a very quick shower would be in order as she was sure that Kelly is working very hard to annoy the drell with her questions. Kelly was a "people person" as Joker sarcastically said, psychologist, and Angie used that particularity quite to her advantage, having Kelly profiling the crew. First Shepard wasn't pleased with having her on board, but soon she proved herself very valuable, as psych and as her secretary. Angie pulled fresh uniform on her, feeling annoyed by Cerberus sign on it. All her things had one and so long as she doesn't go shopping, she is doomed to bear with it. She left the room and went to CIC.

... ... ... ... ...

Jacob Tayler was already there, Thane also of course. None of them spoke to each other and the silence was far from comfortable. Jacob was pacing right and left whilst Thane just stood there, hands held tightly together at his back.

"I gather you acquainted yourself?" Shepard asked.

"Not really," Jacob answered and stopped pacing.

"Mr. Thane Krios, Mr. Jacob Taylor," she simply said.

"I have heard impressive stories Krios, that is if you can trust assassin to watch your back," Jacob said, leaning slightly back and crossing his arms on his chest.

Thane was instantly annoyed with this human but he didn't want to show it as Commander was watching him. He would gladly show him just how impressive his skills are but he calmly and simply responded instead:" I accepted a contract. My arm is Shepard's."

_"He sure knows how to carry himself,"_ Angie thought to herself as was pleased with what she saw.

"Uh-huh. Don't know about you, but I am loyal to more than my next paycheck," Jacob didn't gave in.

_"What the hell got into Jacob. He knows I don't endorse such behavior,"_ Shepard thought and started to be very annoyed by the lack of respect Jacob was showing to their new team member, :"He is to. He is doing this mission gratis. What's your concern?" Angie glared at Jacob, her voice authoritative and showing clear displeasance for Taylor's behavior.

_"__She stood up for me even if she knows very little of me, defending me against this crewman who is with her far longer. That is... unexpected," _Thane thought.

"I don't like mercenaries. An assassin is just precise mercenary," Jacob coolly responded.

"Assassin is a weapon. A weapon doesn't choose to kill. The one who wields it does," Thane spoke in his serene voice looking at Jacob.

Jacob just crossed the line and he knew it as soon as he looked at Shepard. With her eyes glowing she put her both hands on the table, threateningly leaned forward to Taylor and spoke in grave, dark tone :" Mr. Taylor, and just what do you think you are?"

"I am..." Jacobs words got stuck in his throat as Shepard pulled herself from the table quickly and moved swiftly just in front him, hands crossed on her chest, looking him straight into eyes : "You are nothing more than a mercenary! You left Alliance, you are not a soldier anymore. You are selling yourself to Cerberus. You are on their paylist! All that spells only mercenary to me!"

"I... um...," Jacob stammered.

Shepard moved away from Taylor in one swift move: " And you are not even precise," she added dismissively.

"I am sorry, Commander," Taylor tried to apologize.

Shepard dismissively drew her hand over the air: " You owe your apologies to Mr. Krios there, not me," she turned towards Thane.

Thane was mesmerized by the dance she just performed in CIC, her voice, movement, everything seemed like choreography to him and the expression on Taylor's face was just priceless_. "I will enjoy reliving this moment," _he thought to himself.

"I apologize for my behavior, Mr. Krios," Jacob said coldly to Thane.

"Apology accepted," Thane responded without looking at him. His eyes were still fixed on Shepard who casually leaned her back against the wall, eyes half-closed.

"Where should we put you, Mr. Krios," Shepard asked, slight tiredness in her voice.

"I would prefer somewhere warm and arid, if that is possible," Thane voiced his preference.

"Life Support would satisfy that need," blue bulb popped up at the edge of the table.

"EDI, tell Chambers to escort Mr. Krios to Life Support and assist him with whatever else he would need," Shepard address the blue bulb.

"An IV, intriguing. Thank you." Thane slightly bowed to EDI :" Is there anything else we need to discuss, if not I would..." he turned back to Shepard again.

"No. I will personally take you on the tour of the ship later. For now you are dismissed," her voice tired.

"You have my gratitude," Krios half-bowed to Shepard before leaving the room.

As soon as he left Shepard again turned to Jacob :" Don't try to pull anything like that again or I will air-lock your ass. DO YOU UNDERSTAND!"

"Yes, ma am!" Taylor responded military-like.

"Good. Now get your ass to your post. Dismissed."

"Aye aye, ma am," Taylor walked towards the door :" I still don't trust the guy," he added before exiting and leaving Commander alone.

"EDI," Shepard called their VI.

"Yes Shepard," the light bulb reappeared.

"Send some basic info about drells to my computer, I don't want to offend this assassin on the first occasion I get."

"Already done. Do you need anything else, Shepard?"

"No, thank you."

"He is quite well behaved," EDI voiced her opinion.

"Hm, who? Oh, Krios. Yes he is," Shepard absentmindedly replied.

"Logging you out," EDI said before disappearing.

Shepard returned to her room to do some reading.


	6. The Silence Between Us Pt2

_**Author Notes: So, here is the last part of chapter 2... slightly long one. Some dialogues are straight from the game, some a bit changed, and some just new. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy it. I am still looking for a beta, so please bear with my deficiencies. Thank you.**_

_**Updated: My thanks go to voltagelisa for her help as a beta-reader. **_

… … … … …

**THE SILENCE BETWEEN US Pt 2**

Shepard read about drells, but there was not much information, besides mentioning that drell integrated with every level of hanar society after they were supposedly rescued from their home world of Rakhana eight centuries ago. There was mention that they are omnivorous reptile-like humanoids and average lifespan of 85 galactic standard years. That their muscle tissue is slightly denser which gives them a wiry strength, also they have a hyoid bone in their throats, which allows them to inflate throats and produce vocal sounds outside of human range. Other than that, there was nothing.

"EDI, is there nothing else on files about drells," Shepard asked.

"That is all Shepard," EDI appeared.

"Ok, thank you," Angie sighted.

"Logging you out Shepard," EDI disappeared again.

_I guess I will just have to be careful to not offend him, or hope that he won't hold it against me. I should probably have a word with Kelly first, maybe she can give me some more insight._

… … … … …

Shepard stepped from elevator and found Kelly at her regular post, just beside the so much used galaxy map.

"Hey Kelly, have a moment," Angie asked even if she knew that Chambers always had time for her. She started to like the girl, even if she seemed just a bit too naive and bubbling at times.

"You know I always have time for you, Commander," Kelly turned her attention to Shepard promptly.

"Uhm, yes... so, you spoke with Mr. Krios. What do you think of him," Angie inquired.

"I am surprised by his personality. An assassin with deep spiritual side none the less. The files said very little about that. To be honest, I am not sure if I should find him sexy or scary," Kelly smiled.

"Some women like dangerous man," Angie responded without really thinking.

"Oh," Kelly grinned, "Are you one of those women, Commander?"

"I lead dangerous life, dangerous man fit right into it," Angie responded half-jokingly.

"I knew you would find him attractive," Kelly whispered in excitement and winked.

"Hey, hey, stop your horses! I didn't say I find him attractive. I mean he is... well... a lizard," Angie already regretted saying anything.

"But you have a lizard as a pet and you like it," Kelly tilted his head with eyes like childs.

"That is a pet, and I like my pet, but I don't find it attractive, do I?" she asked with a pointed look and continued before Kelly could answer. "That would be just... kinky," Shepard said before turning around and heading to Life Support before Kelly could do any more prodding.

… … … … …

Shepard stopped by the doors of Life Support, straightening her uniform a little, and took deep breath. "So here goes nothing," she muttered to herself before entering. Thane sat behind the desk, hands clasped together. He didn't turn as the doors opened and Angie entered, nor did he say a word. Shepard stood there for a minute wondering if she should just leave or start to talk, the second won.

"Mr. Krios? I hope I am not disturbing you," she started.

Thane startled just slightly and turned around, "No, of course not Shepard. I was just meditating."

"Would you like to take the tour of the ship now?"

"Miss Chambers already took care of that. I told her that it was said you would accompany me, but she was not to be persuaded otherwise."

"Oh, right...she would do so, yes. She didn't tell me however. I hope she wasn't to... annoying."

"Nothing I couldn't deal with. She does have quite... a spirit."

Angie laughed, "That's one way to say it. Well, I really am sorry. Usually I personally show people around."

"I am sure you have more important work to do, so I won't hold a grudge."

"Yes, well, I am glad to hear it. Would it be too much inconvenience to answer few questions?"

"No, of course not. I thought you might want to know more of my condition, it is understandable. Please, take a seat," he gestured toward the chair opposite of him.

Shepard walked pass Thane and sat down, "I don't want to pry, but yes, I would be grateful if you would be willing to tell more of the subject."

"You need not worry it is not communicable, not even between drells. It is called Kepral's Syndrome," he told her.

"I can't say I ever heard of it," Angie admitted.

"We are native to arid world, humidity harms us. Our lungs lose the ability to absorb oxygen, eventually we suffocate."

Shepard tensed as she remembered her own death. "That is horrible way to die," she almost whispered. Thane tilted his head, slightly surprised and intrigued by the hidden meaning of her words.

"Would it affect your performance on the mission?" Shepard asked putting her memory aside.

"I should be fine for 8 to 12 months. By that time my body will be incapacitated, I believe, it would be safe to say that we will be victorious or dead. Exposure to humid environments tends to accelerate the disease, but if that is kept at minimum, I should be fine. I won't be a burden to you and the crew, I promise," Thane spoke very official-like.

"Is there anything we can help you with? We have state of art medical bay, Dr. Chakwas and Mordin could maybe come up with something," Shepard really wished they could help.

"Hanar already set up genetic engineering program, but it started just few years ago. If all hanars in Illuminated Primacy can't help, I doubt anybody can," Thane dismissed her offer rather coldly. "Trust me, this won't affect my performance," he added.

"I am not worried about the mission or your performance, I am just offering help," Shepard felt slightly offended.

"Forgive me please, I didn't meant to offend in no way, it is just that I see no point in spending resources for this," he wasn't used of people offering him help.

"No offense taken," she half-smiled. Her eyes caught his guns that he neatly put on illuminated shelves by one of the walls.

Thane sat in silence wondering if he should say something or just wait for her next question. He was not used to deal with humans. He would actually quite prefer if she would just leave him to his meditations.

She turned to face him again, "You don't behave like you are dying," she said bluntly.

_"Oh my god, what did I just said? If that doesn't offend him, then I don't know what will,"_ she thought and blushed in embarrassment.

Thane eye ridge furrowed for a moment: "You have me at disadvantage there, Shepard. You already died," he leaned slightly towards her over the table: "Maybe you can give me some suggestions later?"

_Did he just make a joke?_ Angie asked herself and answered: "Why of course, . It would be my honor to discuss appropriate mannerism or maybe you might want to sign to the lectures of it that I am leading at Citadel," she joked.

Thane considered her for a moment and she could swear that she noticed a very brief little smile curling up the corner of his lips. She could also be imagining things.

"I can't do nothing to alter my fate," Thane decided to sail back into more serious waters.

"I beg to pardon, but fate can be changed... at least, well, mine did. It is only a simple matter of want to or sometimes of need to," she challenged.

"I guess you would be correct," he sighted, leaning back again, thinking before he adding, "One of the advantages of my training is that I have always, to some degree, considered myself dead."

"I know the sentiment. In our line of work, be it soldier or assassin, one must come to terms with dying," she thoughtfully replied.

"Exactly," he nodded.

They both went silent for what seemed quite some time, both thinking about their deaths, none portraying feelings on faces. It was not uncomfortable silence, it was just... silence.

The first to break the silence was Shepard, "The drell live on hanar home world, don't they?"

"That is correct. Khaje. Very humid world, it rains every day. Most of my commissions were for hanar. I grew very close to my regular contacts," Thane leaned forward again, "If you ever get close enough to a hanar that they tell you their Soul Name, you would find them warm."

"I thought that hanar let only close friends know a Soul Name," she was surprised.

"You need to gain their trust. Soul names tend to be poetic. A hanar known for its cynicism might take a name that means "Illuminates the Folly of the Dancers."

"Hanar talk using their bioluminescence. That's more of a problem than their politics," Angie continued.

"I am surprised by your knowledge, Shepard," Thane said approvingly and put his hands to lay on the table, "Many drell have their eyes genetically modified to perceive their high frequency flashes."

"I would guess you had such procedure done," she looked him in the eyes, noticing that there is a hint of green in the blackness of them.

"True, I had the treatment. I can't tell the difference between dark red and black, but I can see ultraviolet light as a silver color," he nodded.

_My eyes are also not what they used to be. Nothing as drastic as what he had done, but, I can't pretend to not see the red light under it..._ Shepard fell into her thoughts. _I can see a little better and that is good, but looking in the mirror, it doesn't seem that those are my eyes. I look at the stranger..._ Hint of angst slightly twisted her face as she contemplated.

_What is she thinking about? Angst in the lines of her face. What memory did this pulled forward?_ Thane wondered. _Kelly told me they rebuild her, almost from scratch. I wonder just how extensive the rebuilding was._

Silence between them lasted for quite some time. Thane considered breaking it at first but then just let it linger. It was strangely pleasant to just sit there without words, each in their world for a time.

Again it was Shepard who broke the silence, changing the topic of their conversation. "When you pray for the wicked, who exactly are you praying to?" her eyes focused back to Thane.

He was surprised by her question. He wouldn't have thought she would be interested in such things. "That depends on the circumstance. To find my target I speak with Amonkira, Lord of Hunters. When I act to defend another, Arashu, Goddess of Motherhood and Protection. And when I have taken life, I speak with Kalahira, Goddess of Oceans and the Afterlife."

"I didn't know that drell have that many gods," Angie shifted in her chair.

"It is one of our older beliefs. Many accept the hanar Enkindlers now, or the assari philosophies," he sighed, "The old ways are dying. There are so many ways to interpret ones place in the universe. Who needs the wisdom of our Ancestors," he smirked. "The younger generations don't believe they can help us fathomed genetic engineering, orbital strikes, or alien races."

Shepard considered for this moment before saying, "Oceans and afterlife don't seem to have much in common," she put elbows on the table and leaned her head to rest on her hands.

"Consider. The ocean is full of life. Yet it is not life as you and I know it," he paused for a moment before continuing, "To survive there we must release our hold on the land. Accept a new way of living. So it is with death. The soul must accept its departure from the body. If it can't, it will be lost."

"I guess that is one way of looking at it, but I am not convinced."

"You died, don't you remember anything," he carefully asked.

Shepard remained silent for few moments before she slowly and with difficulty replied: "I remember dying, the last breath, last heartbeat... I remember stars all around... endless floating...," pain flashed across her face, "I remember reawakening, painful as it was dying, light so bright it burned, sound so intense it hurt, excruciating sensitivity of skin," she closed her eyes, "In between... nothing... "

"I am sorry, I didn't meant to cause you discomfort," Thane felt guilty for asking.

Shepard smiled weakly, "It is all right. I wish I could have answers to what happened but I have none, only maybe more questions. Who knows, maybe my soul was lost, and maybe Cerberus found it and bound it to this body," she laughed bitterly.

"It could very well be," Thane replied seriously. "But, what of your faith? You said it changed."

"Before I died I believed in one god, heaven and hell. Ever heard of this human religion or should I go into details?"

"Yes, I heard of it," he simply answered, "You don't believe so anymore?"

"No, I don't. There should be a heaven, but I was granted none, there should be hell, but I have seen none. Nothing of the sort awaited me. How can I believe in it afterwards?" Angie got up, paced around for a bit in silence, Thane just watching her and waiting for her to continue. "But I... I just can't think that there is completely nothing... I believe that there is this force that makes everything happen, that creates, destroys, reforms... that binds everything together and pulls it apart. Not a person, no mystical being, just... pure energy... an endless pool of it," she stopped again and sat back down. "I think everything comes from it... and everything returns to it."

"Couldn't you compare it to the sea," Thane asked, little smile on his lips.

"I guess you could," Angie returned the smile. "Actually... in fact you could," she added before yet again drifting in some secret corners of her mind and Thane really wished he could see where she has gone to.

_There is so much more to this woman than I thought before, a hidden quality. She has survived much. How must it feel to live with her memories, with the burdens she carries? It has been quite some time that I actually enjoyed talking with somebody._ Thane didn't pull his eyes from her, he still found her strange with her colorless skin, but he felt that to some extent he could relate to her and she to him.

Suddenly she stood up and addressed him again. "I believe I should attend to my duties, if you would allow it, Mr. Krios."

"Of course, I have taken enough of your time," Thane allowed.

Shepard walked towards door, stopped for a bit an addressed him again, "It was nice talking with you..."

"Likewise," Thane nodded. "Perhaps we would repeat it someday," he invited.

"It would be my pleasure, Mr. Krios," she accepted.

"Not as much as mine," was his courteous response underlined with a quick small smile.

"If there is anything we might help you with or you would need, feel free to ask EDI or Kelly. Alternatively you can send a message to me if there is something of importance or find me on the highest top level where my living space is."

"I shall remember to do so, thank you."

Angie nodded, "You shall be joining us on the next assignment. I still need to see how you will work in team. See you later, Mr. Krios," she said and left.

… … … … …

After she left him alone he relived their discussion.

_Door hisses. Smell of roses taints the air. Pleasant. It is she. Stillness. I want to be left alone. Maybe she will leave if I don't respond. "? I hope I am not disturbing you?" voice breaks the silence. _

'You are. Leave me,'_ I think, but lips lie instead "No, of course not, Shepard. I was just meditating." Wind of her movement brush my cheek, she sits. Roses envelope me... _

Her body tenses. Shadow crosses her face. Pain in eyes. "That is horrible way to die," voice a whisper. I feel guilt. My words cause this. It must be horrible to meet the ocean just to be pulled back.

_The silence between us, lingering, no weight. Roses still in the air. I like these silent moments. Comfort._

_"It was nice talking with you," her voice, honest. I am glad. It felt nice far from unpleasant. I am glad she stayed. Would she come back? Yes, she will. I hope she will. I wish to know more. She leaves. Roses still lingering in the air. Silence that she leaves behind... cold... not silence between us anymore... just my...silence..._

Thane got up and paced around his room for a while before returning to his meditations.


	7. The Mirror Maze Pt1

_**Authors Notes:**__** Thank you very much for your kind review Kiki Aries, it is much appreciated. **_

_**We will have a bit of Miranda in this chapter. I am not particularly fond of Miranda in the game but I don't particularly dislike her either, personally. What Angie Shepard thinks of her will however be seen in this chapter. I hope that nobody will be offended by the way she will be presented in this story, as I know that some "love" her. **_

_**This chapter will again be published in two parts.**_

_**An announcement: **__**I am extremely happy to announce that a kind beta reader for Eros Tanatos had been found. Hurray! My harthful thanks goes to **__**voltagelisa**__** who offered to beta read this writing of mine, starting this chapter. I think that she did marvellous job correcting my many mistakes. Thank you very much again. **_

_**... ... ... ... ...  
><strong>_

"**No matter what you've done for yourself or for humanity, if you can't look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished?"**

** (Elbert Hubbard)**

**Chapter 3: THE MIRROR MAZE Pt1  
><strong>

"Shepard, can I speak with you?" Miranda asked, stopping Angie from leaving the Mess. The 'ice queen' expression that Miranda usually wore on her face was replaced by something else, discomfort, fear, and uncertainty.

"What's the matter, Miranda?" Shepard asked curiously.

"Not here… please, come to my quarters," Miranda almost begged.

Shepard didn't know what to make of it, but she followed. She wasn't extremely fond of Illusive Man's right hand and she usually tried to ignore her, but this time she was really interested in what the woman has to say.

Angie leaned against wall, crossing her arms over her chest, watching as Miranda paced her office,: "So, what did you want to talk about? I do have things that need my attention." Shepard commented with a raised brow.

Miranda stopped and let her body collapse into her office chair,"This is… hard to ask you… but…," she trailed off uncertainty showing on her face.

This was all new - Miranda at the lost for words, having trouble forming sentences. Shepard pushed herself from the wall and made few steps towards the table. "We might not get along and I would certainly be glad to air lock you, but I will listen to what you have to say as you are still a part of the crew, if I like it or not, and you do have your uses."

"I have a sister," Miranda looked straight in Shepard's eyes, "and I need your help getting her to safety."

Shepard tilted her head and sat down. "She is in danger?"

"Yes," Miranda gathered her composure as Angie showed interest. "Do you remember when I told you about my father?" Miranda asked calmly

"I remember, yes. You showed disgust for what he did to you while at same time you enjoy being Miss. Perfect. Anyhow, go on." Shepard commented, looking at Miranda expectantly.

"He didn't stop at creating me… he made a replacement, my sister. We share the same genetic material; you could say we are twins. But I couldn't allow him to do the same to her as he did to me. She is as smart as I am, looks as great as I do, but I managed to get her away from him before he would implant cybernetics in her. I provided her with a new family. I am financially supporting them without them really knowing. My sister doesn't even know that I exist, I made sure of that, I want her to have a normal life, everything that I never had," a hint of tears showed in Miranda's eyes: " But now… I think that my father got a lead on her whereabouts. Cerberus helped me hide her before, and they will provide new hiding place, but…"

"But you want my help transporting her there," Shepard helped her.

"I do. My father is very persistent man, I am sure he hired some elite mercenaries to get her back. Please, Shepard, you have to help me. I need to make her safe…" Miranda pleaded.

"Why would you start trusting me now, Miranda?" Shepard was surprised.

"You are a great person, Shepard. You are a hero. I have seen how you handle situations, making sure that no innocents are harmed, unnecessarily. We might not always agree on how to do things and we might have different viewpoints on Cerberus and aliens, but… I have come to respect you, your abilities. My sister… she is just innocent civilian…"

"Well, if you put it that way," Shepard smiled just a tiny bit. "I will help you, Miranda. So how do you want this to be done?"

Miranda explained her plan to Shepard and Angie had to admit that she is quite good at planning, something that she might use in the future.

"We will go out in 30 minutes. Meet me at the air lock then," Shepard said to Miranda after the plans were done and went to her loft in order to get ready. On the way there she stopped at Life Support to tell Thane Krios that he will be joining them on the mission.

... ... ... ... ...

Shepard arrived at air lock just to see Miranda pouting at on one side of the doors and Thane casually leaning against the wall on the other side. There was obvious tension in the air as Miranda walked straight towards Shepard puling her further away from Thane.

"You are not seriously thinking of bringing this alien on the mission," Miranda accused.

Shepard gave her a cold look, "And why not?"

"First he is an alien, second he is an assassin, third and not least you don't even know what his capabilities are. I will not allow him to join us," Miranda answered icily.

Shepard started to be annoyed, "I don't want to hear any xenophobic remarks from you or from any of the crew. You will have to learn to work with them and I don't give a shit if you are Cerberus. You are on my team and you will do as I say. Secondly, he will be perfect for this, we need somebody stealthy and thirdly, I have seen his work and thus far, I am impressed."

"But this is my sister we are talking about! I won't allow Oriana to…" Miranda didn't budge.

"Shut it! I agreed to help you and I will. I agreed to follow your plan and I will. Who I take along is my business. If you still want my help then suck it up, or we are not doing this at all!" Shepard demanded.

"But," Miranda tried again just to be cut short by Shepard.

"No buts. And I suggest that we get our asses to Eternity Bar, before that contact of yours disappears. I don't feel like searching all Illium if that happens."

Miranda just nodded her consent and followed Shepard as she signalled Thane to join them.

... ... ... ... ...

"This Niket, do you think he is trustworthy?" Thane heard Shepard ask Miranda.

"He is the only person that I trust from my past life, only connection I kept," Miranda replied.

"_Why is Shepard helping this woman, it is obvious that they are not friends,"_ Thane wondered as they flew the cab towards Illium Cargo Terminals.

"Gunships," Miranda points at several Eclipse Gunships at the cargo area.

"We should try and land behind that cover," Thane pointed out. Shepard just nodded at the same time as mercs opened fire at them only to be stopped by Eclipse Engineer ordering them to cease-fire. The cab was hit pretty badly and there was no avoidance of the hard landing.

Before exiting Shepard turned to Thane, "I want you to stay out of sight. If they don't move away, you know what you have to do, right?"

"Of course, Shepard. My arm is yours," he responded in his deep, rumbling voice and moved away from Miranda and Shepard without attracting any attention from the mercs.

"You will risk our backs exposed to this… assassin?" Miranda grumbled.

"Yes," Shepard gave her quick answer before stepping in front Eclipse Engineer.

"_She is quick to trust me… naïve to do so,"_ Thane thought to himself before praying to Amonkira as he searched for that perfect spot. He soon found it, kneeled behind the cover, his sniper gun ready, he looked through the scope examining the place. Something didn't feel quite right and he searched out the area looking for what was off.

_Ah, the turian from Shepard's crew, Vakarian,_ the corner of his lips tug in small smile as he found him hiding behind a crate not so far away, but quickly that smile was washed away as he noticed that turian is not aiming at mercenaries below, but at him instead.

_I guess she isn't so naïve and trusting as I was lead to believe,_ he silently thought. He knew that he should be offended by the act considering that he always honoured deals he made, but instead he was pleased. _Shepard is not a fool, _he hummed pleased to himself. Thane turned his attention back to the mercenaries and targeted, waiting patiently.

"You are to late. Captain Enyala is already moving in on Oriana," Eclipse Engineer smirked.

"Is that so," Shepard replied.

"You should know that Niket won't be helping you," mercenary turned directly to Miranda.

As the conversation continued, Thane noticed two snipers on their way to take position. He moved quickly, a prayer to Arashu silent on his lips. He worked fast, snapped the neck of first sniper and throwing his knife towards the other one, aiming at his throat. He took them both down without attracting any attention at all, returning back to his previous post he prayed to Kalahira. His scope was back on the mercenaries below, still aware that Garrus is aiming at him.

"You should turn around and leave while you can," Eclipse Engineer suggested.

"You know I cant do that," Miranda responded.

As Eclipse Engineer started to talk again, Shepard leaped towards him without warning and snapped his neck in one graceful fluid motion. Thane suppressed the gasp that wanted to escape from his lips at Shepard's action.

"_Maybe she should be assassin instead of soldier,"_ he thought to himself and shot one of the mercenaries at the same time as Miranda shot the other. Shepard fired few shots at an overhead fuel container and set some mercenaries aflame, giving Miranda and herself a chance to duck into cover.

Systematically they worked through every single mercenary that dared to attack them. Miranda took care of Troopers while Shepard used her biotics and shotgun against Vanguards. Thane aimed for Eclipse Heavies, shooting them between the eyes before they could launch a single rocket. They worked like good, well-oiled machine. Krios took another sweep of the surrounding as the last mercenary fell, just to make sure, before he joined Shepard and Miranda.

"Good work, you two," Shepard complimented.

Miranda just nodded, but Thane spoke, "Thank you, Shepard. The same can be said for you. Your disposal of that Engineer was inspiring," he offered her a courteous bow.

Angie was at lost for words, "Um, thank you…"

"If I am allowed to say, maybe you would call off that turian now?" The left corner of his lip tugged up just a tiny bit.

"You have noticed him," it was not a question. "I am not really surprised. Actually I would be disappointed if you wouldn't since you are supposed to be the very best assassin." Shepard laughed.

"I am glad that I have spared you the disappointment then," he bowed his head ever so slightly.

"Garrus, you can join us now," Shepard spoke into comm and soon after Vakarian had joined them as they continued towards Container Transfer Area. Disposing the mercenaries was a child game for the four of them. When they approached Cargo Terminal Conveyor Three they picked up the radio dropped by one of the mercs and heard Enyala ordering her troops to send everything except her personal guard to stop them. They faced numerous Eclipse mercs as they approached Terminal Elevator.

"They disabled the elevator," Shepard grunted more to herself than anybody else.

"I can override it, Shepard." EDI spoke over the comm.

"Do it," Angie didn't waste time. "We should take cover, I have a nagging feeling that more mercs are on the way here," she sighted and ordered her team to take cover.

Garrus found his place beside Shepard and whispered to her, "That assassin took care of two snipers before you snapped the neck of that Engineer."

"Oh?" Shepard was slightly surprised. "I guess it was good decision I took him along then."

"Guess so, but the guy makes my plates shiver…" Garrus continued speaking with Shepard as they fought waves of mercenaries.

"What! The Archangel of Omega scared of little lizard," She made fun of her friend nudging him in the shoulder.

"Spirits! He is assassin. But if you have to know, I am not scared. I could take him down anytime," he was just slightly offended.

"I guess we can arrange a little sparring session," Angie looked at Garrus, eyebrow arched, "He might be flexible." She smirked teasingly. Angie remembered little discussion that she had with Garrus about stress relieving on turian ships. He told her of one particular sparring match which continued in private as Garrus had a grip and his lady-sparring-companion had the flexibility. Shepard just loved to tease Garrus, especially after one of their own sparring sessions that almost went to far.

Garrus looked back to Shepard in shock: "You wont let that one slide, will you," he grunted.

Shepard just laughed, ordering their unit to enter the elevator.

When they exited the elevator at Dock 94 Miranda was surprised to see her trusted friend there. Niket seemed frustrated at the asari dock official because of security situation, referring to Shepard's little party blasting trough terminal stopping the transfers. Enyala was not happy with what she thought as a waste of time, but Niket reminded her that minimal impact on Oriana and her family is necessary. As Shepard and the squad closed in on them, dock official tried to run, but Enyala mercilessly shoot her in the back. Miranda confronted Niket in disbelief as she found out that he had sold her out. She drew out her gun, intending to shoot Niket but Shepard stopped her. Eventually Niket apologized and Miranda let him go, telling him that she doesn't want to see him ever again. As he resignfuly started to leave Enyala shot him, which enraged Miranda. She flared up her biotics and threw Enyala over the crates into the wall. Quickly they run for cover as mercenaries pureed in from every opening. Garrus, Miranda and Thane systematically worked through them as Shepard concentrated her effort on Enyala, but it was Thane who dealt the killing blow.

... ... ... ... ...

Oriana was safe again and Shepard convinced Miranda to go to her and talk.

"What bad can come from her knowing that she has a sister that loves her," Thane heard Shepard say.

As they discreetly observed Miranda talking with her sister, Thane leaned towards Shepard, "I am surprised," he said.

"Oh? How so?" Angie raised an eyebrow at him.

"You obviously dislike the woman and yet you decided to help her," he nudged his head to side.

"Miranda is a total Cerberus bitch, Oriana is not. She deserves better life. I didn't do it for Miranda, I did it for Oriana." Angie coldly responded.

"And yet," Thane continued, "You encouraged Miranda to talk to her sister."

"Your point would be?" Angie looked straight into his eyes.

"That seems more beneficial to Miranda than Oriana. Why did you do it?"

Shepard looked down, almost whispered, "Everybody deserves family… even one such as Miranda."

Thane frowned, "Even if that endangers the very family we speak of?"

"Family deserves attention and they deserve love given. What have you really accomplished if you can't look back and honestly say that you gave both to them?" Angie looked back at Miranda and Oriana. "Miranda at least has the opportunity, some of us never had one." She added quietly.

Thane noticed sadness in Shepard's words but decided to ignore it for now as resentment rose in him, "And if that family dies because of you? What then?" He demanded.

Shepard opened her mouth about to reply, Miranda come running back pulling her away. "Thank you, Shepard. You were right. I am glad I spoke with her."

Thane turned around and left straight to Normandy, his posture stiff, head down. Angie observed him leaving, questions in her eyes, as she spoke to Miranda. "I am glad I could help. Lets get to Normandy. We can speak more there."

She called Garrus and all three followed Thane back to the ship.


	8. The Mirror Maze Pt2

_**Authors Notes: First I need to express my thanks to voltagelisa for beta-reading and kind words.**_

_**CottoncandyGk: I actualy never seen the trailer (makes mental note to fish it up). Thank you for leaving review behind. It means a lot.**_

... ... ... ... ...

**Chapter 3: THE MIRROR MAZE Pt 2**

As they returned to Normandy Miranda stopped Shepard once more, a single tear escaped her eyes as she spoke, "Thank you so much Shepard, for everything. I wasn't sure you would help me considering everything… But you pulled through even for me. Oriana is so much like me, it's like looking in the mirror. The only difference being is that it shows what I could have been if I had normal family, but I am glad that at least she has it."

Angie put a hand on Miranda's shoulder, speaking gently, "I told you, you are part of the crew, I would do it for anybody. But I won't lie; I did it mostly for Oriana. She deserves better."

"Yes, you would," Miranda smiled back. "I know I am not easy person to like and all…"

"Oh, I know for a fact that certain member of the crew can't take eyes from you," Shepard cuttingly as Miranda gave a short laugh.

"Well, I was designed to be perfect in every way," Miranda smirked.

Shepard let out a sigh, "See, that is one of the reasons why most avoid you, that and the fact that you defend Cerberus at any given opportunity. Xenophobia isn't helping your case either."

"I will… try to be more –likable- then." Miranda quietly said.

"That is all that I expect from you, Miranda, to try." Shepard smiled again before walking to check on Joker.

… … … … …

"Hey Commander, do you think that Miranda will stop being Ice Queen now that she had a chance to chat with her sister," Joker asked hopefully.

"I doubt it, Joker, but at least she said she will try."

"Yeah, if you can believe Cerberus Princess," Joker rolled his eyes to the ceiling, "Um, Commander, about that assassin we got…" he paused." Do you get them all from the same store? We have a bunch of killers already and you decide to find an assassin to top that. Real smart, Commander."

"Yea, I get them at a discount," she laughed.

"Just watch your back around him, he is dangerous, mysterious, spiritual… did I said dangerous already?"

"I believe you did. Collectors aren't exactly little furry pets, so dangerous should do quite fine," she grinned

"Yea well, let me know if you change your mind when you find your own cold, dead body," Joker smirked

"I will be sure to come back and haunt you, Joker, don't worry," she laughed and left.

Joker watched her leaving and sighted: "You already did… we were seeing you all around… I guess there are two things we have to thank Cerberus for: leader seats and exorcism as they brought you back to life." Angie was to far away to hear him.

… … … … …

Angie needed a shower and she took one, enjoying the warmth of the water caressing over her skin. After a while she wiped herself dry since she had no wish to look like a prune. She took a moment to look at herself in the mirror. All tranquillity that was granted to her by the shower disappeared at the very same moment. Her body was firm, skin delicately white, almost transparent quality to it. Cerberus even preserved her tattoos. _Thank god for those, _she thought. It was the only part of her that she really recognized from her past. Other than that, it was all scars, a web of them, constant reminder that they rebuild her. Reluctantly she looked at her face, scarred also. said that they should heal on its own if she would keep her inner peace and continue with her good deeds. _Slightly problematic since I would prefer to just blow everything and everybody up, _she scowled. Her eyes… those were even more unsettling to her. The red in them scared her. It was like she is looking at a stranger who stolen her features. _Fucking Cerberus, they should let me stay dead, _anger rose in her. She needed to punch something and so she did. The mirror shattered into hundreds of pieces that cut at her skin. Shepard didn't even bothered with medi-gel, she just stopped the bleeding herself. She dressed and threw herself in bed, getting ready for another sleep filled with visions of death.

_She floated, weightless, stars shimmering around her. Only noise she could hear was of her breath and heartbeat. She turns her head around, life pods flying away, pieces of Normandy drifting towards the planet, peacefully dancing around. Suit punctures, air supply running low. Panic clutched her by the throat as she gasped for non-existent air, burning pain in her chest as her lungs cry out in starvation. Darkness envelopes her, devours her. Nothingness became her companion. Eyes open in confusion. She stares and the other stares back. "I am you," rough voice tells her. _

"_No, you are not," she protests. _

"_Wake up and accept me," red-eyed monstrosity demands. _

"_No, I am dead," she fights back. _

"_You were, but not any more. Accept me, accept who you are," the other keeps demanding. _

"_NO, I WILL NOT," she cries out. _

"_Then you won't be full," the other one shatters. She picks up a piece only to find it is a piece of the mirror, the other one still staring back at her, demanding. Darkness envelopes her again, tucks her in, sings sweet lullabies. _

_Another voice cuts into silence: "Shepard, wake up. The base is under attack." It is Miranda but she doesn't yet know that. She wakes, pain, endless pain wracking every part of body. Confusion._

Angie wakes up from her dream, gasping for air until she realises that she was only dreaming. She grunts and turns around, closing her eyes again, hoping without hope that she would stop dreaming all together.

"_How could you do this to me! I loved you! I thought we had something." She sees pain and frustration on his face. She wants to explain but he doesn't listen, he doesn't want to hear what she has to say. "You betrayed Alliance, you betrayed what we believed in… you betrayed me!" his once lovingly voice now echoing anger. He turns his back on her and she feels numb, just stands there for one long moment, unable to go after him and unable to turn around. She waits, she hopes he would stop and return… but he is gone._

Shepard once more wakes up, wipes the tear from her cheek and gives up on sleeping. She gets up, grabs a data-pad and unceremoniously sits down on the sofa.

… … … … …

Thane paced around Life Support. He was annoyed by himself, annoyed because his composure was beginning to shatter when he spoke with Shepard after they helped Miranda.

_Eyes burning hot. Pink lips move. Roses in the air, mixed with salty smell of blood and sweat. Words cut like sharp blade. "Family deserves attention and they deserve love given. What have you really accomplished if you can't look back and honestly say that you gave both to them?" _Such cruel truth in her voice.

Thane pulled himself out from memory. _Yes, family deserves attention and love… I gave them love, but not enough attention,_ he thought struggling for air. _The_ _galaxy's best assassin, what a hollow title. I am nothing, I failed them both, _and tears slid from his eye and wetting his cheek. _I should give Irikah and Kolyat more…_ regret, sadness and anger fighting each other for domination. _If I would have stayed away from her, she would still be alive, _he collapsed on his bed, _but then I wouldn't have brought Kolyat into this universe,_ sad smile crossed his face as he remembered his son. _And I left him… left him when he needed me most._ His nails dug into his flesh, _I should have stayed with them,_ his heart ached, soul screamed but lips remained tightly shut.

"_Play with me dad" lips smiling, joy in rainbow eyes. _

"_Later," I say, his lips tug down into a frown. _

"_Please daddy," he pleads. _

"_I need to read this first," I lift him up, kiss his cheek and put him down again. _

_He smiles: "Will we play later?" he asks. _

"_Yes, later," I answered and watch as he runs into kitchen, innocent, carefree giggles. He is so much like his mother, blue iridescent scales, rainbow eyes, nothing like me, I am pleased. I turn my eyes back to the letter, client needing my services, urgent matter, I need to hurry. I pack. _

"_What are you doing, daddy?" he comes running back. I sweep him from the floor, hug him tightly, kissing his forehead. "Don't go, daddy," he realizes instantly that I am leaving, tears flow. _

"_I must, but I will bring you a gift," I say, letting him down. He smiles and runs to his mother. He is growing so quickly. _

Another memory flashes this one just as heart wrenching.

_Sweet scent of wild flower in the air, wind gently caresses the cheek, warm crystal droplets fall from the sky. It always rain on Khaje. "Don't go," rainbow eyes begged me, her hand gripping mine, not letting go. _

"_I must," I say._

"_Find another job," she pleads. _

"_What would I do, sweep the streets?" I ask. _

"_Yes! Anything else," she said with desperation in her voice. _

"_We could never afford this house then," I reject her. _

"_Go then," hands fall away from me, her voice cold. I lean in for a farewell kiss, she moves away, not allowing it. With sadness I turn around, ready to leave. "Return soon," her voice softer again, pain darkening rainbow-coloured eyes. _

"_I will," I whisper. Door closes before me. I walk away._

Thane blinks rapidly as memory ends and he is yet again surrounded with the greys of the ship. He tries to meditate but fails, more recent memory invades.

_"Miranda at least has the opportunity, some of us never had one." Her voice quiet, sad, light in her eyes subsides. Wind blows, plays with her hair, she turns away._

Thane wonders what have happened to her, what might be with her family. _Would I dare to even ask?_

_"Everybody deserves family… even one such as Miranda." _He remembers Shepard's words and shakes his head. _Not everybody. I didn't deserve them…_

Thane reflects on his past once more, losing himself in the mirror maze of his memory.


	9. Paint me a Memory Pt1

_**Authors Notes:**__** First I need to express my gratitude to wonderful **__**voltagelisa**__** who is marvelously helping me with my language deficiencies. I owe her a lot. Thank you!**_

_**Thank you very much for reviews. Each one is for a writer what water is for a desert.**_

_**Kiki Aries: Thanks! Even Miranda has her uses and I might mention her a bit more in this story as it continues. **_

_**CottoncandyGk:**__** The character of Thane has such depths to himself that I struggle to not make less of his as what he is. Yes, I agree, they really don't show enough of that and I am extremely happy that you like what I wrote about it. There will more of Thanes past in this story yet, some sad and some not so sad. Thank you! Btw. Thane in that trailer is absolutely delicious!  
><strong>_

_**About this chapter:**__** Again it will be published in two parts, loads of Thane in both. I hope you will like it. Reviews are very much welcome, may they be positive or negative. And now without further ado I give you chapter 4.**_

… … … … …

_**In a house where no one never sleeps,**_

_**lays a man who sees more with his eyes**_

_**Picturing the past before him,**_

_**in a bed, alone, with clothes on**_

_**Paying for service he doesn't really need**_

_**(Sonata Artica - Picturing The Past)**_

**Chapter 4: PAINT ME A MEMORY Pt.1**

Miranda looked at Angie with hope, "We should do some mining, Shepard."

Shepard just stood there, arms crossed over her chest, considering their options.

"I disagree. Cerberus is funding us, we should just ask them to give us what we need," Jacob opposed and earned icy glance from both females.

"Cerberus already invested over 4 billions credits just for Lazarus Project, not to mention the funds needed for building Normandy…" Miranda started to object but was cut short by Shepard.

"I don't give a shit how much they invested, that is their fucking problem," Angie was agitated, "I will not accept anything more from them besides information. We will mine and in the meantime, we should run maintenance checks, catch up with all the paperwork that we let pile until now and just take it easy. Dismissed."

She watched both of them leave the Briefing room before she addressed the ships VI: "EDI, start scanning for heavy metals and eezo. Inform team Gamma to be ready in case we find a deposit. They will go and retrieve it."

Angie wasn't so fond of mining, it is a boring and tenacious procedure, she looked at it like necessary evil… _Still better that "owing" something to fucking Cerberus,_ she thought, walked straight to the mess hall and was surprised when Gardner already had a steaming cup of coffee ready for her. She looked at him questioningly.

Gardner smiled in greeting, "EDI informed me that you were on your way and I thought you might want a cup." He answered her questioning look.

"Thank you," she returned the smile. She turned her attention to the mess hall and found Garrus sitting at one of the tables. She made her way over to him and took a seat opposite side of the table, nodded in greeting. She held her cup with both hands and stared at the black goodness, remaining silent biting on her lower lip.

Garrus observed her. Her skin was even paler than usually, scars on her face deeper than normal, the unnatural red shining in them stronger. Her lips looked dried and cracked, dark circles under her eyes, she drew slow and deep breaths. Worry flashed in Garruses eyes and he carefully asked, "Anything going on?"

"Nothing, we will be mining for few days," She replied without looking at him.

"That is not what I meant, Angie," he said with a sigh. "That nickname you have, Shade, you are actually becoming one."

Angie raised an eyebrow, "Is that so?"

"When did you last look in a mirror?" He asked and watched as Angie shiver slightly.

"Why do you ask?" her voice sounding harsh.

"You look like shit," he reached over to her and laid his hand softly on her shoulder.

"You don't say," she laughed darkly, "It is nothing, really, I am just having hard time sleeping." She explained.

"Maybe you should go and see a doctor," Garrus tried.

Angie snorted and gave him an evil eye, "I don't think so!" She shook her head, strands of hair loosening free from her ponytail: "I will be ok, no need to alarm Dr. Chakwas," she said more softly.

"If you say so," Garrus gave up. "I should go and do some calibrating. If you need something, you know where to find me." He got up.

Angie just nodded, took a sip of delicious aromatic coffee and looked around the hall just in time to notice Thane walking away from Gardner with his own steaming cup of something in hands. She motioned him over.

"Is there something you need, Shepard?" he asked with his low rumbling voice that sent shivers down her spine.

"Nothing really," she answered and seen Thane tilting his head slightly. "I just thought that you might want some company with that cup of yours," she looked at him.

"Thank you, but I did not came here seeking company," he answered her, bowed his head slightly and already turned around to leave when he decided to look over his shoulder at Angie. "But it would be to my pleasure, if you would be willing to honor me with your presence."

Angie blinked at him and motioned him to pick a seat.

"No, not here, it is too crowded. The privacy of Life Support would be more suitable for me, if that does not offend you," he waited for her to decide.

She shrugged, "If that's your wish, Mr. Krios," she answered and rose to her feet.

"It is," he simply nodded, picked up her cup and led her to his quarters. There were no further words exchanged between them as they walked.

… … … … …

Thane sat down in his usual chair, his back facing towards door and placed both cups on the table. Angie walked around the table taking a seat in the chair looking towards doors and took a sip of coffee. She didn't speak, nor did Thane. They just sat there and minutes passed.

_I never thought that humans can look even worse than they already do, _Thane thought to himself as he observed her over his cup of tea, _although I must admit that this haunting image does somewhat suits her, makes her eyes bigger, a fragile quality given to her stature. I doubt it is natural or healthy. She seems troubled._

_Why did I come here? _Angie was asking herself, _it would be far better if I would be in my room. He wasn't searching for company; his invitation was just politeness from his side… I should have known better. _

Angie let a sigh escape her lips as she started to get up and leave. She was stopped as cold, scaly hand shot out, gently grabbing her wrist. "Please, don't," Thane said to her in low voice. She just nodded and sat back down. His hand left her wrist, leaving hot marks, she absentmindedly rubbed the spot.

_Soft, _they both thought at same time, surprised by each other's skin. Thane took a sip of his tea, wondering if he should break the silence. He quite enjoyed it, but he had feeling that something should be said nevertheless.

"What is bothering you, if you don't mind me prying? You look…" Thane asked carefully.

She cut him short: "Like shit? You aren't the first to say that." She didn't look at him.

"That is not what I would said, but I guess it will suffice nevertheless," he tilted his head.

Soft sight escaped her lips: "It is nothing. I am just having trouble sleeping," she repeated what she said to Garrus. "And don't say that I should go and see a doctor," she added her voice turning cold.

"That is not what I would advise either," he smirked as she raised an eyebrow at him. "May I ask why?" he asked.

"Why, what?" She looked at him confused, annoyance thinning in her voice.

"Why you have trouble sleeping?" Thane elaborated.

"Nightmares," she shrugged nonchalantly and took another sip of coffee.

"Yes, disconnection can do that to a person," he replied thoughtfully.

"Disconnection?" she looked at him.

"When soul resents living in the body to which it is tied to. The soul is troubled, and the body starts to fall apart," he explained.

Angie laughed sarcastically, "Dying and being resurrected does that to a person. Living dead… zombies…"

Thane thoughtfully nodded, "Maybe you should learn how to meditate? I could…" he paused for a bit before continuing careful: "teach you…" he searched her face for reaction: "… if you wish." He finished, hoping that she wouldn't be offended by his offer.

Shepard smiled: "Thank you, but I already know how to meditate. It doesn't help though." Smile turned sour.

He furrowed eye ridge: "You meditate?" surprise tangible in his voice.

"Of course. It helps me think and it sooths me. It was probably the first thing that I learned when I joined Alliance or I should say, I was forced to learn. Drill Instructor Downy taught me." She laughed, her eyes became slightly blurred as she remembered: "It was the tenth time when some recruit put his hand on my shoulder, nothing wrong with it, they just wanted to get my attention. I snapped every single time, broke hands or noses or at least gave them quite some bruising before I could see that they didn't mean me harm," her lips twisted sadly. "I was always on edge. It was because of the life I led before joining Alliance. But, when I learned to meditate, things changed, I was able to have my instincts under control."

"I see," he replied thoughtfully. "What was your life like before you joined?" he asked curiously.

"This is not something I want to talk about," her eyes fall back to her cup.

Thane shifted uncomfortably: "I am sorry if I offended. I assure you that it was not my attention to do so." He misunderstood her sudden withdrawal.

She looked back at him: "You didn't," she answered softly. Her gaze grew distant as she focused on a point beyond Thane's shoulder losing herself in memory. "It's just… it was hard life, not something I am proud of." She looked back at the cup in her hands. Thane felt sudden urge to put his hand on her shoulder and try to comfort her, but he restrained of doing so, waiting for her to continue if she would. "I was a child on the streets. I never knew my parents. My childhood was not one of games and laughter, it was all about survival. I killed for the first time when I was eight. He was drunk and wanted to take advantage of me." She shivered at the memory. "I stabbed him so many times… metallic taste of blood in my mouth… warm, sticky red liquid on my hands…" she drifted off as the memory took hold, with a sigh, breaking herself from that memory she took a sip of now cold coffee. With thin smile stretched on her lips she continued. "I joined a local gang. Those memories are the best of what I have from Earth and even those are underlined with thievery, assaults, deaths…" she trailed off.

"I am sorry…" Thane didn't quite know what to say to this sudden revelation.

"Don't be," she smiled. "It all led me to Alliance. I am not proud about everything that I did while serving, but there are things that I am proud of."

"Torfan, becoming first human Spectre, defeating Saren, saving the Council and Citadel, destroying a Reaper…" Thane counted: "That is far more than any other have accomplished," he nodded.

"Torfan, no… I am not proud about that. Everybody in my unit died," she stated, a shadow sneaked on her face. "Being a Spectre… not a moment of pride either, I was appointed as one just to satisfy both sides. Defeating Saren… I hoped he would have switched sides and join us, but I failed at that… well, not completely, I did managed to pull him back, but that only made him shoot himself. For everything else you counted, I was not alone in it; I have my crew to thank for that. And there were too many lives lost in battle for Citadel…" She thought for a while: "No, those are things that I am not really proud of. But I am proud for every life I help saving and I am proud that I was able and am able to run a team where humans and aliens co-operate on even ground." She smiled.

"You should give more credits to yourself," Thane said and both went silent again.

"Shepard, Mr. Taylor wants to speak with you," EDI interrupted the silence and made Angie jump a bit.

"Tell him I will come to Armory," she replied to VI.

"Done. Logging you out Shepard."

Shepard stood up: "I am sorry to cut this short, but I must see what is wrong again," regret tangible in her voice.

"Of course, I understand Shepard." Thane nodded: "Maybe you would return when you are finished? I could use another cup of tea later…" he asked hopefully.

"We have a deal then, Mr. Krios. I will be back with a cup when I finish dealing with Jacob." She smiled.

"Until then," Thane stood up, indicated a bow and watched her leave with both empty cups.

Thane didn't quite understand why he invited this strange looking female back, but somehow he enjoyed her company and was intrigued by her personality. She was definitely not what he would expect from human female, Alliance soldier, Spectre, Savior of the Citadel. He expected her to be cold and shallow, fixated on duty, but more than he talked with her, discovering the different layers to her, the more he wanted to know. He never cared much for company, actually he was quite content with being alone, meditating and reliving his memories, but now he was glad to spend at least some time in a company of another.

He noticed that he is still standing, looking at the doors. He shrugged, sat down again and allowed himself to meditate.


	10. Paint me a Memory Pt2

**Authors Notes: Again extra big thanks from my side goes to great beta reader voltagelisa who polished this chapter. Thank you, thank you, thank you!**

** Also thank you for reviews. They make me feel all fuzzy inside and fuzzy is good because fuzzy means that I write. **

**Kiki Aries: Agreed. Even if character is totally loathsome it has its uses, like for example Udina. I love to hate that guy. I am glad that you will follow it, now I just need to get it to the end, slowly. **

**Sever-Black: When I played the game I soooooo wished for such option in there. I had the scene in my mind from then on, actually even dreamed it. So hey, thanks! I am very glad that you liked it! **

**And now without further ado, the second part of chapter 4 with some Jacob and loads of Thane. Hope you will like it. Either way let me know what you think if you have time...**

**… … … … ...**

**Chapter 4: PAINT ME A MEMORY Pt.2**

Shepard left the empty cups with Sergeant Gardner and reluctantly walked to Armory where Jacob awaited her. When she first boarded the new Normandy, she initially started flirt a bit with Jacob, just to feel like a living woman other than a cyborg-human that Cerberus made of her, but her flirting had created an awkward situation that had her feeling weird about it. It was partly her fault as she was using the lines that could easily fit in some of the worst gangster movies from Earths 19 century. _What the hell was I thinking! _The worst part however was, that Jacob instead of taking it as casual flirting, he became quite interested and wanted to slowly push things further. _What the hell will I do with him now? _She would eventually turn him down, slowly over the course of time, but that "slow" part was problematic to her. It seems Jacob has interpreted their flirting as a sign that he can speak freely every time they talked and even voice his opinions on the matters that were of no concern of his whatsoever. _If this continues, then his jaw will meet my fist. _Angie braced herself for another set of bad lines that was very annoying flirting now.

"You wanted to speak with me?" She asked, watching Jacob pace around like he had fire ants in his pants. That thought almost made her burst out laugh.

"Thank you for coming to see me so soon," Jacob seemed stressed. "I need to ask a favor…"

_Here we go,_ Angie already felt annoyed but decided to be kind regardless: "What do you need?"

Jacob paced once more, stopping in front of a table, a sigh leaving him as he leaned against the table his hands supporting him with his head bowed. "It is about my father…," he muttered. Shepard watched him as he took a deep breath; concern and curiosity had her holding her silence for now. Jacob raised his head and met her eye, there was a wealth of emotions in his eyes, most she didn't have a name for but one, she knew for sure and that was confusion. "He was first officer on privately held frigate Hugo Gernsback. It went missing ten years ago…" Jacob trailed off.

"Oh, I didn't know that. I am sorry, Jacob," she was surprised.

"No need. We were not on the best terms and I accepted the fact that he is dead, but now…" his fists clenched as a scowl passed over his face. "Somebody passed a message about a distress call from that ship to my personal log through Cerberus filters."

"And you think he might still be alive," Angie concluded.

"No, I don't, I doubt that he is. But I would still like to investigate it if we have the time." He paused for a moment hoping she would understand. "You know, to get some… closure."

"I understand. Give coordinates to Joker. We will head there ASAP," she nodded.

"Thank you Shepard. I will be here in case you have need of me," his voice became softer. Angie just nodded to him and left him alone. This was the first 'normal' conversation she had with him in a long time and she wasn't inclined to push her luck with staying longer. She stopped at Gardner, grabbing a cup of coffee and tea and then made her way back to Life Support.

… … … … …

Angie walked over to the table, placing the cup of tea before Thane and sat down in the seat she had vacated earlier. Thane didn't give a sign that he had notice her arrival, his eyes were still closed, elbows placed on the table, hands clasped together. Angie took a sip and quietly observed him while he meditated. She didn't want to disturb him, but she also didn't want to just get up and leave. While she waited she mapped the lines of his face, from black pentagon shape on his forehead, to the red frills that lined the side of his face and down his neck. She continued her exploration to his well-defined strong chin, all the way to his full lips, hinted with peach-pink on its apple green. _He doesn't look bad…, _she thought to herself… _for a lizard. _She fought hard to repress a laugh that threatened to escape her throat. Angie regained her seriousness as soon as she noticed two deep black pools looking intensely at her.

"I… uh… sorry…" she staggered before regaining control over her voice: "I brought you tea, as we discussed, but I didn't wanted to disturb you as you seemed not to notice me."

"I knew you were here," he answered simply. "Thank you for the tea," he offered her a small, brief smile. _Even if I would not have heard the door hiss open, I would have known of her presence by the roses in air…_ he thought as he took a sip of the tea that she brought.

"What is that tea that you are drinking anyhow? It smells something similar to mint, berries and apples," she inquired.

"It is similar, yes. Made from herbs native to Khaje," he nodded and tilted his head before asking, "do you wish to try some?"

"Actually I would," she answered with a small smile.

He offered her his cup and she accepted, their hands lightly brushing together for one quick moment, but it was a moment that both of them noticed. Angie blush just tiny bit at acknowledgement and Thane's frills became a slightly lighter shade of red. None of them said anything. Angie brought his cup to her lips, draw a deep breath to scent the aroma and took a tiny sip. Her lips stretched into a smile of pleasure as the sweet taste of tea teased hers taste buds. "This is delicious."

"It pleases me that it is to your liking." He murmured as the corner of his lips tug into a smile: "I brought large enough stock of it and gave it to Gardner for keeping when I came aboard. I would be happy to share it with you, if you would wish so."

"Thank you Mr. Krios, I might just hold you on that offer," she answered her smile still in place. She took another sip of the tea before returning the cup to him.

"Please, just Thane," he told to her quietly as he accepted his cup back. Angie nodded in acceptance. "May I ask, what is this 'coffee' that you are drinking?" he asked, tilting his head slightly.

"Oh, just something from Earth that helps keeping me awake. It is not as sweet as your tea and definitely a lot bitter. Would you want to try some?" she asked, offering him her cup.

"I wouldn't mind if I do," he answered and did exactly the same as she did before with his tea. Low rumble escaped his throat, as he tasted the black liquid. "Quite delicious," he murmured, taking another sip of coffee before returning the cup to Shepard, their hands met for a brief second once again.

"If you would fancy yourself a cup of coffee here and there, feel free to ask Gardner to make you one. We have gigantic stock of it due to my obsession with it," she laughed lightheartedly.

_It is shame she doesn't laugh like that more… it is quite pleasant to hear, _Thane thought as they both fell silent for a bit.

"If you don't mind me saying, you don't really seem like an assassin," she suddenly said, but as soon as the words left her mouth she knew, that it didn't ring true, he definitely did look dangerous enough to be one.

"You spent too much time fighting thugs who thinks custom painted armor makes them professionals," he smirked.

"My armor _is_ custom painted." She said as a matter of fact, "Are you implying that _I_ am a thug?" her voice faking offence, a challenge in her eyes.

Thane noticed her pretense and accepted the challenge, smiling slightly, "I would never dared such insolence," he answered exaggeratedly, took her hand in his and looked seriously in her eyes: "Your skill speaks volumes of your professionalism," he blinked and let go of her hand as he realized that he is holding her hands still.

Angie was confounded by his action, gently pulling both of her hands off the table and letting them rest on her lap, "Indeed…"

He shook his head and sighed: "The hanar trained my body for an assassin's role since I was six years old," he offered as explanation of her previous statement.

"You have been killing since you were six?" she exclaimed, her eyes widened in disbelief.

"Of course not," he shook his head dignified, "I did my first kill when I was 12. They were training me." He clenched his hands together on the table. "I was not to be used and thrown away. I was an investment to them." He stated succinctly.

"You were a child, not and investment!" Shepard snapped indignation ringing loudly in her voice.

"I have given you the wrong idea," he dismissed. "They valued me, yes, as a resource, but also as a person. They… regretted their need for me," he offered as an excuse.

"Just regretting something does not change the fact that their actions are wrong," she rebuked, shaking her head. "Why did your parents agree to this?" she reprimand.

"The agreement was made under The Compact. It was an honor for my family," he explained.

"The Compact?"

"We live on the hanar homeworld because they rescued us – some of us - from extinction. We owe them our lives. That is The Compact," he said as a matter of fact.

"What exactly are the terms of this…Compact?" She queried.

"There are many things that hanar can't do, even with mechanical aid. They asked drell to assist them."

"This can't be legal. They made your whole race into slaves!" she was outraged.

"Do not insult me, Shepard!" his voice dark and dangerous almost made Angie gasp for air and seek cover. "Anyone can refuse to serve. Few do. We owe our existence to the hanar. We are proud to repay the dept," he spoke haughtily.

"Forgive me, I didn't meant to offend," she said quietly.

"Of course not," he offered. "Our cultures see things differently. We need to try and understand each other," he gave her a small smile.

"Indeed," she nodded and thought for a bit before breaking the silence that had settled for a few moments. "The hanar are excessively polite and worship the Protheans. They don't seem like the type who would train assassins.

"Every species trains assassins. The hanar are only unusual in that they need other species to do the killing for them. They have a strong grip and natural toxins. But have you ever seen one move quickly outside of water or fire a gun?" he asked.

"No, I haven't," she admitted and continued carefully, "but the way you describe them, they seem a bit weak… no offense meant."

Thane nodded in understanding: "Out here they are, but if you could see them in the Encompassing –the ocean of Khaje- you would see them differently." Thane's eyes unfocused, he spoke softly, quickly, "A stream of silver in the dark. Looping, diving. So fast that the eyes can't follow. Laughter like squeals of a child vibrates the water. They fly over the black of the sea bed, like birds plumed with the light of heaven." His eyes focused back on Shepard waiting for hers reaction.

"Was that a memory of yours?" she asked mesmerized.

"Yes, it was," he tilted his head in acknowledgement.

"Poetic… you just painted your memory to me," Angie marveled at the vivid description.

"Yes, I did," he smiled lightly.

Shepard thought for a moment before commenting, "But you don't kill for the hanar anymore. You are freelancing." She was curious, "What changed?"

Smile left his lips: "I was asleep for a long time, yes. I didn't pay any attention to what my body was asked to do, but then," Thanes eyes went out of focus as another memory invades: "Laser dot trembles on his skull. One finger twitch and he dies. Then the smell of spice on the spring wind. Sunset-colored eyes defiant in the scope. The laser dances away." His eyes focused again, he cough before speaking, "My apologies. Drell slips into memories so easily," he shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"Was that one of your assassinations?" Angie asked softly.

"Ah. Yes." Thane looked away from her for a moment. "Perhaps we can discuss it later?" he asked as he focused back on her: "I already spent too much of your time."

"Of course. I have a lot of paperwork to be done, so it would be prudent for me to attend to it," she smiled politely. "Thank you for your time, and the insight into drells and hanars."

"It was my pleasure, Shepard. I would hope to share a cup or two at later time, if you would be willing?" he asked in expectancy, hoping that his withdrawal didn't offend her.

"I would be," she replied simple: "If I don't come around, you can seek me out in my quarters if you would want my company," she offered.

"Thank you, I shall keep that in mind," he murmured as the corner of his lips twitched up a bit.

Angie took empty cups yet again and left him alone.

… … … … …

Thane was glad that she wasn't offended when he suddenly ended their discussion. He really enjoyed the time they spent together, but the memory that invaded their exchange of words, that was too personal for him to share or explain. He never talked about his wife to anybody and he wasn't going to begin talking about her now. It was not Shepard fault that she witnessed one of his more personal memories. But he needed to be alone again, if for no reason else, then to prevent any further memories to surface while she would be here. He just couldn't allow that. Thane walked towards the mattress and sat down.

Memory surfaces.

_Raindrops on the window, wind playing with leafs. Door open. Sunset-colored eyes smiling. I stand up, waiting for her to speak. "You will be a father," she smiles, her hands find mine, fingers intertwine. Surprise. Joy. I pull her in a tight hug. She laughs. _

_Uncertacy. "I don't know how to be a father," my voice low, scared. _

_She pulls away, looks into my depths. "You will learn," she asserts. Soft kisses._

Small smile plays on his lips as another memory takes over.

_I pace the room. Anticipation. Door open. White robed woman walks towards me. She stops. "You have a son." Felicity. _

_She lies on bed, little blue baby in her hands, sleeping._

"_He is like you," I smile happy. I pull a chair to the bed, sit down, hold her free hand, look at our child._

"_He has your eyes," she says joyfully._

"_Kolyat," I whisper. _

"_Kolyat," she nods and smiles softly._

"_How will we provide for him? This job doesn't pay much," I worry._

"_We will find a way. You will not return to your old job," she says._

Thane gets up, paces around the room before sitting back on chair.

"_You don't need to do this," she tries to stop me. _

"_I do, for Kolyat. We can't keep living like this," I refuse._

"_You can find something else," she tries again, angry._

"_What else? That is all that I know how to do," I look away from her._

"_Be careful," she gives up, sadness in her voice,_

Thane shrugs as he is once again pulled back into reality. He takes his sniper gun, carefully places it on the table, dissembles it and starts cleaning the pieces.

_Door hiss. Light footstep. Roses in the air. She puts cup on the table. Sits down. I pretend to not notice. Enjoying the smell, her presence. I feel her eyes on me; I open my eyes, look at her. She is almost laughing. Strands of hair wild around her face. She blushes. Her skin looks nicer this way._

Thane smiles at recent memory and picks another part of the gun to clean.

_I offer her my cup of tea, she accepts. Our hands brush slightly. Her skin is so warm. Pleasant. She takes a sip; wide smile compliments the inviting shape of her pink lips. She offers own drink of a choice. I accept. Hands touch again. Roses linger in the air._

Thanes eye ridge furrow. He puts down already cleaned piece of the gun and moves to another.

"_Are you implying that I am a thug?" she plays offended._

_I accept her challenge, "I would never dare such insolence. Your skill speaks volumes of your professionalism"_ Sudden_ realization hits me. I am holding her hand. So soft, so warm. Reluctantly I let it go._

Thane shakes his head before he starts to reassemble the gun.

"_Poetic… you just painted your memory to me," she seems pleased, not shocked as most are. I am content._

Thane puts his gun back on the shelf and returns to his meditations.

… … … … …

Angie sat down behind her desk and checked her mail. She stared at one tilted –About Horizon…- for some time. _Maybe I should read it, _she thinks and opens it. Shadows crossed her face, she logs out wiping a tear that escaped her eye. _He moved on, _she fights the tears that threaten to escape. She looks at the picture of Kaidan, shakes her head and decides to not think about it.

She picks up one of the data-pads that are waiting for her and starts reading but her mind keeps escaping towards Thane and the moments they shared. _His skin so soft, cold, strange, but it felt… nice, _she thinks silently.


	11. Subjective Pandemonium Pt1

_**Authors Notes: I have used name -Tael- for gecko with permission granted by voltagelisa. Tael means demon, as she kindly explained. Also I owe a great deal to voltagelisa for her marvellous beta reading. She did exceptional job fixing my mistakes, adding things etc. She completely re-do the turian lady paragraphs, and some later. So again, thank you very much!**_

_**Thank you very much for reviews. I appreciate them a lot. They are my candle when all is dark, brightening my room so that I can write.**_

_**Kiki Ares: That is good that you are, I have loads to write still. ;)**_

_**voltagelisa: my many, many thanks to you! **_

_**CottoncandyGK: Aww, nice, a piercing! Yea, the –Siha- is just so, so… you know what I mean. I am so loking forward to writing that chapter.**_

_**About the chapter: This chapter is dedicated to my wonderful beta voltagelisa. The turian lady is her and no other. Other than that, my sincere apologies for those who love Jacob. There is a lot coming to him in this chapter, at least in first and second part of it. Not so much Thane here but it will be a lot of him in next part. The chapter shall be posted in 3 parts. And now without further ado, I give you chapter 5 (woho, already).**_

… … … … …

**Maybe I'm just crazy or the devil got inside**

**Either way my soul is gone, and I'll end this all night**

**The one hand throws the whiskey, and the other throws the gun**

**As he cries out to the heavens, I am not my father's son**

**(3 Doors Down - Fathers Son)**

**Chapter 5: SUBJECTIVE PANDEMONIUM Pt.1**

Angie sat on couch in her loft, softly caressing her pet lizard. At the moment she was trying to catch few relaxing minutes before they landed on Aeia to investigate the signal from Hugo Gernsback. The once missing frigate that Jacob's father served as first officer. It was very convenient that they were in the vicinity when Jacob decided to ask her for help. The trip took only two days of their time, but Angie had a bad feeling about it. She couldn't pinpoint reason for the bad feeling, but it unsettled her. One side of her thought that this whole mission was somehow cursed and that nothing good will come from it. But a part of her worried that they were recklessly spending time that should be dedicated towards searching a way to defeat Collectors. _But then again, I need everybody focused on the mission, even Jacob… _Angie sighed as she reminded herself.

Thinking about this didn't do her any good, it was just calling for a migraine and she could already feel its fingers creeping towards her neck. Shepard turned her attention towards little leopard gecko that was resting on her hand. She caressed its tiny head with her finger and smiled as it tried to nibble on it. She just adored this little creature. She was never interested in having a pet, but that empty aquarium was annoying her to no end, plus after seeing this little one in a shop on Citadel she just had to have it. It led to Miranda being utterly annoyed, as she was literary forced to turn half of aquarium into terrarium. When Angie threatened Miranda that she will air lock her in Batarian space, Miranda reluctantly gave up. When Angie brought her gecko on the ship and presented him to her crew as Tael, Miranda was appalled by it, especially after it bit her.

"Miranda is a bitch, isn't she Tael?" Angie asked her little lizard. Of course gecko did not respond to her. _I would freak if he did, _she thought about her reaction if it would actually speak, at that very moment Tael bit her finger and bit it hard.

"OUCH!" Angie protested. "I guess that was your answer, wasn't it?" she chuckled. Tael looked at her, blinking rapidly and Angie had to laugh at its cutness. "I keep Miranda on board because she is useful." She said to her pet. As soon as she mentioned Miranda's name, the little critter bit her again. "What the hell!" She yelped, looking at her pet curiously, she didn't know what got into him, but then something dawned on her. "Miranda," she whispered and just a moment later Tael bites her again. She looked at him with awe. "Miranda," she repeated, a few moments later, Tael yet again bites her. "Hell, he really hates her!" Angie cried out laughing. She liked Tael before, but now she adored him.

Angie will never forget the day when she bought her little scaly friend. She was strolling on the Citadel; it was shortly after whole Horizon incident. She had been thinking about Kaidan, her heart bleeding, and her mind a mess. Through all this turmoil she noticed a little pet store. For a time she stood outside, looking at some strange furry creatures in the window. She didn't plan entering the establishment, she just wanted to watch the animals for a few moments and be on her way. This was a distraction from Kaidan and the pain he caused her but she wasn't going to buy anything. She didn't have the time or the knowledge of these animals it was just amusing to watch them.

Shepard was so engrossed in watching the animals that she hadn't paid attention to the swish of the doors near her. She thought it was a patron but the clearing of a throat told her otherwise. Slowly she turned to the person, for the first time in a while she stood there shocked. A Turian female stood in front of her sporting white marking on dark hardened skin. This was the first she had ever seen a female turian, they were daintier than the males, not dainty as fragile but as they were smaller, small structure.

Her eyes widened as the female spoke, her voice had an inviting warmth to it, something she hadn't expected. With a casual shrug of her shoulders she followed the turian inside. Shepard gave her first name only and she found out that the turian's name was Lisa. Angie followed Lisa to the back of the store where an unusual animal lounged on a log. Shepard turned to Lisa to find her grinning, her mandibles flared out nonthreatening, reminding her of Garrus. They talked for a few moments, she found out that many owners of pets make a mistake purchasing the first pet they found cute. Lisa suggested that they should ask the spirits for guidance and she offered her help.

She instructed Angie to look deeply into her eyes, hesitantly she did so, not sure what to expect. Green piercing eyes held hers, darkening, Angie stared transfixed, not able to break the gaze, time passed without knowledge, until Lisa broke the connection. Angie stood there disoriented for a moment as Lisa moved quickly to the back room, within moments she was back with a gecko in her hands. She passed Angie the gecko with knowing eyes.

"_This one will be perfect for you. It fits well with your soul." Lisa said. _

_Angie looked at the lizard wondering, it all seemed crap to her, but she finally decided to buy it anyhow. She was almost out the door when she turned around and asked: "How should I name him?"_

_Lisa laughed, "What about Tael?"_

"_Tael? Yes, I think it will be perfect for him, thank you." Angie waved goodbye. She will always be grateful that Lisa decided to speak with her. It gave her opportunity to think about other things instead Kaidan. _

_Fuck that hypocritical asshole,_ she thought and turned her attention back to Tael, trying to not think about anything as she played with her little friend. Without really acknowledging her mind drifted away from yellow-brown scales beneath her hands, towards green scales of a drell.

"We have arrived to Aeia, Commander," Jokers voice coming from comm made her jump.

"Thanks Joker," she acknowledged. She focused herself, her commander mask falling into place as she addressed the ship's computer. "EDI, tell Jacob, Thane and Garrus to gear up." She returned Tael to terrarium. "And no EDI, I don't need anything else. Thank you." She quickly added before EDI could ask her.

"Done, Shepard. Logging you out."

Angie pulled her armour on. _How the hell and why for crying out loud was I thinking about Thane now!_ She looked at Tael once before leaving, shaking her head in disbelief. _Sure they are both lizards, but damn me if there is any resemblance… well, ok… besides scales. Thane has these lips that are just… STOP IT! FUCK! What the hell… _She stepped out from elevator. _They are just both lizards, which was probably it. _She walked towards the group waiting for her. _But the scales look so intricate... _Jacob started to talk about something but she didn't hear him. _Wait! What? Whose scales am I thinking about?_ Angie had a bewildered expression on her face, seeing Jacob move his lips, but she was unable to understand what he is talking about.

"Commander, is everything all right?" deep, rumbling voice broke into her consciousness.

She turned towards the source and blinked few times before regaining her self-control and self-awareness: "What? Oh… yes… yes, of course, everything is all right, Thane."

Thane tilted his head off to the side, with a curious look. He wondered what would put Angie in such a state, but decided to not try and pry the information from her. Somehow he had a feeling that he wouldn't get answer.

"Let's go down there and see what is going on," Shepard said as they equip themselves.

… … … … …

The mission was disturbing. They found the crash site, learned that Jacobs father eventually became Acting Captain after the death of Captain Firechild. They worked on making a distress beacon functional, it took them almost a year, but it was activated only few weeks ago, nine years after. As they explored the surface, they were stopped by one of the survivors. She had difficulty speaking coherently, babbling on about how their leader said that someone would come from the sky and help them. They were attacked by male hunters, but managed to save the poor woman. From the AI they learned that the plants on this planet are to some extent toxic, ingesting them impairs higher cognitive functions. They have seen encampment, but there were only females there. As they tried to speak with them in order to find out what happened, females responded in fear at the sight of Jacobs face. "You have his face," They nearly yelled, their eyes wide with panic, almost terror, they pointed their fingers at him accusingly and refused to say anything more.

Garrus looked and Jacob, examining him, "yeah, I see it now. You really have an ass for a face," he chuckled. Jacob gave him a –I will kill you- face and was determined to discover what had happened here.

Further inland they came across a ship's doctor. She had hard time forming sentences, but she did provide them with a data pad, not able to understand the data on the pad, she lost the ability to read a while ago. Jacob read the information and his face became darker. Angie had to remind him that they are standing there waiting before he explained what he learned. The crew was split into officers and crew. Officers hoarded all the food while they forced survivors to eat the local toxic food. Five officers survived the crash itself, but were all killed within a week, once the beacon was complete. After a year all the male crew members were either dead or exiled, while all the women were assigned to officers like property. Even Thane showed disgust after learning all that happened over the years. Angie was furious, her eyes glowing red, she was ready to kill the culprit.

Further into their search a PA blared loudly, they stopped for a moment to listened to what the person had to say. Ronald Taylor's voice boomed out, announcing that the crew had mutinied and held him prisoner. Shepard scoffed when she heard this, but the announcement didn't end there, he continued with his lies. Informing them that he had just gotten free of his captures and how the security system has went haywire, Shepard looked at Jacob to see his reaction, she could see that he didn't believe a word of what was being spoken. She didn't blame him, not after all the evidence they had come across, it painted a much different picture than the one they just heard. They pressed forward, killing LOCKI Mechs that stand on their way. Further in they had to take out some guards, even more LOCKI Mechs and YMIR Mech. By the time they finally came to Ronald Taylor they were fed up with just about everything especially him. Angie was furious and wanted to leap at him and kill him before speaking. Thane noticed her mood. He laid a hand on her shoulder. That one motion was enough to stop her from taking the kill. She closed her eyes for a moment regaining her composure, Thane's hand still on her shoulder like an anker between sanity and insanity. She was sure if he hadn't touched her she would have killed Jacob's father very slowly. She offered small smile to Thane and nodded in thanks before she turned her attention back on Jacobs father.

Ronald was overjoyed to see them, but he didn't seem to notice Jacob at all. Shepard just walked past him and looked out over the sea. Thane joined her, his hand still resting on her shoulder, neither of them aware that it was still there. Jacob started questioning his father, Angie half listened. The sight of sea reminded her of the memory that Thane painted for her, about hanars. She shook herself out of her thoughts and turned around, reintroduced Jacob to his father sarcastically. Taylor was stunned and he immediately retracted some of his lies, excusing himself that he wasn't ready for the burden of command. He had the audacity to claim that the pressures of command had changed him. He tried to convince them that he did what he thought was best. He claimed that something went wrong, not knowing what, said that he has been living in a childhood fantasy for teen year.

Jacob aimed a gun at his fathers but changed his mind, saying that he is not even worth him killing him. As Ronald relaxed, thinking that he was out of the woods, Angie looked at Garrus and Thane. They both silently nodded to her, as they seem to understand what she is thinking. She smiled, coldly. Shepard laid a gun into Ronald's hands, staring at him with judging eyes that promised no mercy. Ronald seemed to understand, his own eyes fell to the ground, and he lifted the gun, pressed it against his temples and pulled a trigger. Pieces of his brains rained over the four of them.

Jacob stared in shock at his father corpse while Angie calmly called Normandy, arranging that the survivors be picked up later by an Alliance ship. She turned to her party and signalled them to return back on Normandy.

… … … … …

"This was fucked up, seriously fucked up," Angie muttered under her breath as they were returning back to Normandy.

"I would hate being you, Jacob. Looking in the mirror every day just to see your fathers face in it," Garrus thoughtfully said, no mocking intended.

"Fuck you turian," Jacob spat, moving his hand, whipping his face with it. Disgust was obvious in his eyes and lips as he felt pieces of his father's brains on his fingers. "It is still better than looking at you, with those mandibles," Garuss almost start laughing but that was soon forgotten as Jacob continued: "Those mercs did you a favor when they blew half of your face off." Garrus would find it humorous if it would have been said by one of his friends, but coming from Cerberus lieutenant it was straight insulting.

Angie didn't give Garrus time to react. She jumped from her seat, dashed directly towards Jacob, pressed one hand on his neck tightly, and in the other, a gun pressed painful in his abdomen. Slowly she leaned forward, her cheek touching his cheek, hair lightly brushing against his lips. He felt her hot breath tingle his skin. Jacobs eyes widened in surprise. Her whisper came to him, cold and sharp like winter wind: "Speak to Garrus like that again and I promise, Jacob, that you shall experience a slow and painful death." Her breath still hot against his skin, Jacob managed only to nod a little. Angie's lips stretched into tiny cruel smile. "It would be good for you to remember, Jacob," she whispered again in a voice that would be seductive if the circumstances would be different. Angie casually withdrew and walked back to her seat, her eyes focused on Jacob, just begging for him to slip up again and give her reason.

"Damn Shade, that was awesome!" Garrus laughed. "I am glad I am not on the receiving side."

Angie turned her face towards her best friend and revealed her shiny pearls in a wide, innocent smile.

Thane observed Shepard threaten Jacob and notice that she is beautiful. _For a human, _he quickly added to himself. Seeing the smile she gave to Garrus, something moved inside him and bit him. Angie's eyes moved from Garuss to Thane, she could swear that she had seen something surfacing on his stoic expression, in his eyes for one brief moment, but didn't know what. She unconsciously shrugged and looked out of the window, her mind overflowed by the presence of Thane.

As soon as they docked with Normandy, Jacob almost sprinted away into Armoury.

"I think you should try talking with him," Garrus said to Angie.

"I am afraid that I might kill him on instinct if I am left alone in the room with him," she sighted.

"And that would be a real shame, Commander," Joker spoke sarcastically to them over the comm. Both Garrus and Angie laughed.

"Guess I'd better go and see him," she stopped laughing.

"Oh man, I will be so rich when I sell rights to the vid where she kills him," Joker laughed before cutting off.

… … … … …

Angie entered Armoury and found Jacob standing behind his table as if nothing happened. She leaned against the wall; arms crossed over her chest and just observed him for a while.

"What do you want Commander?" Jacob asked pointedly without looking at her,

"I thought you might want to talk," she spoke softly, ignoring his tone.

"There is nothing to talk about," Jacob refused her roughly.

"Oh? Really? Nothing at all?" Shepard raised an eyebrow at him. "You discovered that your father is alive after you thought him dead for ten years. You found out what a pig he was. You saw him blowing his brains out." She summarize for Jacob. "And now you act like nothing has happened?" accusation in her voice.

"What do you want me to say, Commander?" he shouted.

Angie moved swiftly, a murderous glare in her eyes. She seriously wanted to kill him and be done with it, but she stopped violently, just few steps before him and changed her mind on what she was going to do. If she hated something it was being shouted at. But considering what Jacob just had to endure, she decided to be lenient with him. _Just this time, _she thought to herself. Shepard drew deep breath to calm herself before speaking again. "Jacob, remember who you are talking with." If one wouldn't know that she is Commander Shepard, one would think that she is pleading him.

"He was dead for me long ago." Jacob let his shoulders sag as looked into ground.

"Yes, but still… he was not," Angie pushed. She knew that she must do this. She must not let him push this in some drawer. It would just eat him from inside out until it would ruin him.

Jacob looked up, straight into her eyes, face twisted in stone-hard expression. "He is dead," voice cold. She took a step towards him, not looking away: "I am NOT my father."

"Of course you are not." Angie allowed one of her hands to softly land on his shoulder, trying to ease his pain. "You are fine man, Jacob." She held his gaze. She didn't really think exactly like that, but she had to say it, for the team, for the mission ahead. "You could never be like him. You will not allow that to happen." Angie let a sigh escape her lips. "I know we have… well… misunderstandings but that aside, you are all right. Don't let this ruin you. Don't let him win."

Jacobs's expression softened a little. "I… thank you, Shepard."

Angie smiled. "Oh come here you stupid ox!" she said and gave him a friendly squeeze. "Now go back to work! I want my guns clean and ready! No excuses soldier!" she teased.

"Aye aye, ma´am!" he saluted, smiling before turning back to work.

Thane unnoticed by the two, swiftly and stealthy left the air shafts above the Armoury and headed to Life Support. _She is Siha, _he thought to himself in amazement.


	12. Subjective Pandemonium Pt2

**_Authors Notes: First of all, as always, my thanks goes to voltagelisa for her marvellous work beta-reading this and for the masterfully written fight scene. You are great!_**

_**CottoncandyGk: I tried Jacob to some point and now I would gladly bleached my brains just to forget, but well, then I would be a vegetable and couldn't write anymore. Completely agree, they should show all genders. Thanks, I am happy that you liked it.**_

_**Kiki Aries: Yes, it is not a fun mission. Aww, that's great! **_

_**As always, reviews are very much appreciated as they tend to fuel my fire. Also thanks for adding to favourites. **_

_**About this second parts: If you love Jacob, then I am sorry, but this had to be done and I don't regret it. This is thus far probably my favourite chapter. Anyhow, loads of Thane awaits you so I shall shut up and let you read it.**_

_**... ... ... ... ...  
><strong>_

**Chapter 5: SUBJECTIVE PANDEMONIUM Pt.2**

After the little talk that Angie had with Jacob, she grabbed a quick meal and locked herself in her room. She was tired, no, she was exhausted. After a quick shower she collapsed onto her bed and drifted away. Angie wasn't sure how much time has passed, but she woke up in panic, sweat covering her body in a thin layer. It took a long while before she stopped shaking from nerves and fear, she finally calmed when she realized that she was on the Normandy, safe and alive. _Maybe I should start taking sleeping pills, _she frowned at the thought. She knew that she wouldn't be able to sleep anymore, so she put her olive green tracksuit on over her black sports bra and grey shorts. Angie stopped in the mess hall and grabbed an apple before heading into exercise area.

Sometimes when the nightmares were just a bit too much to endure she went there, exercising until she was too tired to think. This night, as she thought, exercise was exactly what she needed. She took a bite of her apple and put the rest aside for later. Angie stripped out of tracksuit, leaving her in shorts and sports bra once again. She sat down at the mats stretched a bit to warm her muscles and then decided to do run on the treadmill.

… … … … …

Thane heard somebody entered the mess hall. He pulled himself into air vent and decided to see what was going on. He noticed Shepard taking an apple and leaving towards exercise area. _What was she up to? _He thoughtas he went to follow her. Through the ducts as he followed Shepard two voices became louder and louder. _Miranda and Jacob, _he recognized them. They were obviously arguing about something.

"I don't believe that Illusive Man would do that Jacob," Miranda stated coldly.

"And why not? Can you explain how I got the information then? He lied to me, Miri!" he protested heatedly.

"I know it wasn't him!" she answered with certainty.

"Then who, Miri?" Jacob demanded. "Besides you, nobody else could…" his irises dilated as a realization hit him. "It was you!" He looked at her, jaw dropped.

"Finally, you figured it out," Mirada's voice sounding victorious.

"Why the hell would you do that? I thought him dead!" Jacob scowled.

"I keep my promises, Jacob," she scorned him.

"You shouldn't have kept that one. It was better before," He protested.

"Maybe, or maybe not. I concluded that it is for the best, and you know, that I am NEVER wrong," she spoke, with an overabundance of confidence in herself.

Jacob shrugged, "Perhaps, Miri, perhaps…" his attention snapped towards her suddenly, quickly he moved before she had time to react and pinned her against the wall. "What about your other promise? Are you going to keep that one also?" he purred huskily against her skin, hope and lust shining in his eyes.

"Someone might come in here," Miranda reminded him as she tried to escape.

"Yeah, It is heavy risk… but Miri… think about the priiize," he grinding his body into hers so she could feel his desire.

"I have seen how you look at Shepard, Jacob!" she spat into his face, pushed him away and stormed to her own room, locking the doors behind her.

Jacob looked after her in shock for a moment before he spit on the floor after her: "Guess you aint so perfect then, bitch."

Thane, fought hard to suppress the chuckle that threatened to escape.

Jacob walked across the room straight to the cabinets. He eagerly searched and searched, while muttering curses under his breath until he found his Holy Grail. He didn't bother with a glass, he popped open the bottle of Scotch, taking a whiff of its contents. _Man, Gardner will be pisses,_ he thought with a smirk ashe looked around the empty room considering. _It's a heavy risk if caught,_ he chuckled andtook one small sip. _But the prize!_ Jacob laughed loudly and sat down on the floor, allowing himself to generously drink.

Thane shrugged as he silently moved through the air vents, slowly advancing towards exercise area. He stopped; held his breath, being extremely careful. He knew that Shepard has enhanced hearing, so he needed to be at his best or so he thought. As soon as he looked at her, running on the treadmill he noticed that she had headset on, listening to music. He quietly observed her and lost himself into his musings.

… … … … …

Thane wasn't sure how much time has passed when the doors opened. He blinked few times and his muscles tensed as he noticed Jacob approaching Shepard. Angie didn't notice anything. She was lost in the music, running in a steady rhythm. Suddenly she felt a hot hand on her shoulder. Before she realized what is going on, the treadmill was stopped and she was turned around abruptly, another hand snake around her waist yanking her closer to the intruder. Thane wanted to make his presence known, but was unsure of how Siha would react, so he fought the urge.

"What the fuck are you doing Jacob?" Shepard asked, with annoyance thick in her voice.

"Angie…" Jacob breath hit her nose as he spoke.

"Let me go Jacob, you are drunk," she demanded as she tried to push him away and he kept trying to crush her closer to him.

"You don't want that," he purred as he leaned closer trying to claim her lips with his.

Finally she managed to push him away. Angie hated drunken man. They reminded her of that time, when she was only six… she killed him, had to. Jacob laughed at her, stepping forward, his intention clear on his face. "I suggest you back off, Jacob. I am warning you!" she threatened. She disliked Jacob, but she didn't want to harm him regardless.

_Siha is powerful woman, _Thane thought, _she can deal with him. _

Jacob grabbed her roughly and tackled her to the floor. She tried to get up, but before she knew it his body was covering hers, pinning her down to the ground roughly. His hands roughly groped her skin, squeazing, pinching rouchly leaving marks in their wake. He leaned in and crushed his lips against hers; forcefully he tried to use his tongue to gain entrance. That was it she was pissed! Shepard viciously bit his lip, tasting his blood. Jacob cried out in pain, his eyes opening wide in shock. Angie used that moment, to gather all her strength. She used that strength to sent Jacob flying in the air where he smashed into nearby wall.

_That's my Siha, _Thane thought proudly, relaxing a bit now that he has seen she can handle Jacob on her own.

Angie got up, straightening herself before turning her attention back at Jacob. "What the fuck are you thinking?" she snarled. "I am your commanding officer!" She was pissed.

Jacob recovered from his fall, storming towards her. "It's a heavy risk, but you know that you want the prize also!" He tried to grab her again, but all he got was a kick in his groin.

"Don't make me hurt you, Jacob. Just DON'T!" She snapped. Angie had hard time controlling her temper as all the memories of her life on Earth surfaced.

Jacob swore loudly. He furiously snarled at her, "You ungrateful bitch! I was looking after you for two fucking years and this is what I get?"

"I didn't ask you. Cerberus did. Go to Illusive Man and tell him to pay for a whore or have him bend over for you if you are that desperate!" She sneered as her temper was at an all-time high. "Oh wait, you can use Miranda for that!" she spat at him.

Jacob stopped, emotions playing havoc on his face, before he finally gathered the rage in him, "You are fucking cold bitch." He snarled taking a step closer to her as he gathered the cruelty for his next sentence, emphasizing every word. "Dead. People. Should. Stay. Dead."

All colour disappeared from Angie's face as he used exact same words that Kaidan used before. This was over the top, she couldn't take anymore. First that fucked up mission, then the nightmares, resurfacing memories of rapes, and now this. Her mind closed off. She swayed on her feet, struggling against gravity. Her hands fell limp against her body, her eyes devoid of life. This was it, she couldn't take it anymore, and she was just gone deep within her mind. Jacob laugh darkly, feeling his victory. He moved towards Angie, grabbed her around her waist and pulled her closer. She was limp in his hands but he didn't care, this was so much easier. He had his hands on The Prize.

… … … … …

Thane worked fast and silently. He dropped to the ground softly and swiftly moved forward. His scaly hand forcefully removed Jacobs's hand from Angies; he twisted it around, pinning it to Jacobs back at a sharp angle, close to breaking it. Jacob whimpered in pain. Thane notice that Angie was about to collapse on the ground. He wrapped his hand around her waist quickly stopping her from collapsing to the ground and pulled her close to his body, helping her stand. Thane pushed Jacob away, kicking him in the knee causing Jacob to fall to the ground as his knee bent at an odd angle. Angie tiredly let her head fall onto Thanes shoulder and rest there. Jacob was getting up, rage in his eyes as he was denied of what he thought as HIS prize.

"Put your hands around my waist," Thane whispered to Angie as his eyes were focused on Jacob. Angie was still lost in her mind, but she heard him and without really thinking she anchored her hands around his waist tightly. Thane smiled and got ready to kick Jacobs's ass.

Jacob moved towards Thane with a scowl, he smirked knowing he had the upper hand in this fight. There was no way Thane could fight while holding someone else. Jacob swung out aiming for Thane's face, but Thane saw that coming and dodge it with ease.

Thane turned his body gracefully, kicking out, he smirked as he heard the sound of bone breaking. His fist was already in motion, connecting with Jacobs jaw, crushing the bone there. A drell's strength could be a wonderful thing.

Jacob cried out, blocking the next hit, Thane grabbed his wrist twisting it brutally. He had no tolerance for men forcing themselves on women. With a graceful sweep of his foot he brought it down on the arm he had trapped, breaking a few bones and dislocating his elbow and shoulder. Thane thought the fight would be done now, but the rage in Jacob's eyes told him otherwise.

Jacob took a staggering step swinging out awkwardly, Thane allowed the fist to glance off his shoulder. A person watching would have seen grace in motion, a dance as Thane finished off Jacob, a step and a kick, a swing and another bone broken. He made it look effortless, all the while he held Shepard securely.

He couldn't believe it when Jacob made one final attempt, he knew it was going to be the final attempt, he would make sure of it. Three graceful moves and Jacob lay on the ground in a bloody heap.

Garrus entered the room and as he seen Jacob looking almost dead on floor, Angie clinging still to Thane's waist, with distant eyes, he didn't know what to think. "What the hell has happened here?" he asked.

"Nothing really, I just showed Mr. Taylor what happens if you don't behave yourself," Thane calmly responded.

"I hate this guy, but seriously Thane, was this necessarily?" Garrus asked.

Thane explained everything that happened. Garrus strolled over towards Jacob, giving him a good look over before kicking at him and kicked him hard. Only hushed groan come out of Jacob.

"I would kill him, but I don't believe that Siha would be very pleased with that when she comes out from where she is now," Thane said to Garrus.

"Siha?" Both, Garrus and Angie asked at same time.

Thane found himself in a corner. He didn't want to explain, not yet, not now and certainly not in front Garrus. "You should take him to the med bay," he said to Garrus ignoring the question.

Garrus muttered complaints as he picked up Jacob, throwing him over his shoulder like a heavy sack and walked out, making sure that Jacobs's head connected with every solid surface with every corner he came across.

"Come Si…Angie," Thane murmured, he looked down at the top her head, he could feel her still shaking. Even though she had heard him that didn't mean much, the mind could be a fragile thing, and Shepard had already been through more than most people could survive. He knew from her reactions that her past had a large part to play in what happened. He smiled softly when he noticed that her hold didn't loosen, with his mind made up he took her to Life Support.

… … … … …

"Wait here," Thane said to Angie as he sat her down on his cot. "I shall be back shortly." He left Life Support as Angie nodded silently to him.

Shepard tried hard to recollect everything that happened. Most of it was a haze to her, but as more and more pictures come together, the more clear it become. _Oh my god, I lost it… I completely lost it… and Thane…_ Her line of thought was broken as Thane returned with two cups of tea. He offered her one before he sat down beside her. They drank their tea, nobody spoke for some time.

"How do you feel, Angie?" Thane asked her, while he gently moved hair from her face to behind her ear.

She shivered slightly. "Fine…" her words chocked. "Is Jacob…" she couldn't bring herself to ask.

"No." Thane said darkly. It took all his self-control not to kill him. "Dr. Chawakas and Mordin are taking care of him. He won't be fit for duty for months to come." he gently touched her chin turning her face so that he was able to look her in the eyes, "If, he will ever be again." He was searching her for any hint of disapproval, but all that he could see were held back tears.

But then it changed; her eyes became harder, unforgiving. "Good," she whispered. "Thank you, Thane…" she leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Anytime…" Thane breathed.

They sat like that, for some time before Shepard straightened. This time she spoke clearer, her Commander mask back in place. "I guess, I owe you an explanation for my failure…"

"No, you don't. You didn't fail." Thane tried to comfort her.

She stood up and started pacing the room before she turned back to him. "But, I did fail and I do owe you an explanation." Thane tried to object again, but remained silent as she raised her hand to stop him. "I failed. I should not have froze like that. I should not be weak. I am a leader and I should be strong. It is not good if those that look up to me see me… broken. For that, I owe you apology… You should not have had to witness what you did…" she sat down, shaking her head.

Thane walked over to her, kneeling before her and took both her hands in his. "No you don't always have to be strong. And you are wrong about that. You are not a machine, Angie. I will never look down on you because of what happened. There is so much resting on your shoulders." He forced her to look at him before he continued, "It is only when you would be unbreakable that I would lose my faith in you, Si… Angie."

Shepard nodded, showing she understood what he was trying to tell her and gave him a little smile; a smile that he returned.

At that moment Garrus entered Life Support. "I guess he is safe now. His vitals are stable." He said and then hesitated. "Am I disturbing something?" he asked warily as he took in the scene before him.

"No… not really," Angie answered as Thane let go of her hands and sat on the cot so that he was away from her.

Garrus came closer to Angie and sat on the remaining free chair. "So Angie… will you tell us why you… you know…" Garrus motioned vaguely with his hands, not able to ask the question out loud.

Angie nodded. She felt she owed an explanation, "You know I am having nightmares… about everything that happened when we hunt Saren, about my own death, about Proteans and Reapers… I woke from one of them, tried to forget… but then Jacob came and tried to…he tried to…"

"You don't have to say it… I know…" Garrus tried to help her.

Angie nodded: "And I remembered my first kill… and everything bad that happened to me when I was on Earth… but then he, he said something that…" she couldn't speak anymore. Garrus put his hand on her shoulder trying to calm her.

"Jacob said that dead people should stay dead," Thane answered Garrus' silent question.

"That's what Kaidan…" Garrus stopped when Angie nodded her head sadly. "He should be dead… he should be really dead! I should go and just finish him." Garrus stood up and wanted to execute Jacob.

"No! Stop! He got what he deserved." She cried out after him.

"Why Angie, why shouldn't I?" Garrus demanded.

"Because I am asking you not to…" she whispered.

Garuss just nodded to Angie before he turned back to Thane. "Take care of her… I need to… break something…" He muttered, patting Angie on her back before he left Life Support searching for something that he can obliterate.

"Thank you again, Thane… for everything…" she whispered to the drell. "I think I will leave now…I need to sleep…"

"You can…" he paused wondering if it would be appropriate to ask, "sleep here…" he searched her eyes for any sign that would tell him if he overstepped himself. "If you would prefer to not be alone…"

Angie stopped and thought for a bit before asking: "But where will you…"

"Don't worry," he cut her protests off. "I was planning to meditate anyhow."

Angie nodded and stayed. She just didn't want to be all alone…


	13. Subjective Pandemonium Pt3

**_Authors Notes: First of all my thanks goes to voltagelisa for marvellous work on fixing my mistakes and for a kind review._**

_**Secondly, thank you very much for adding this story to favourites and for reviews. They are "ink" for my "pencil".**_

_**CottoncandyGk: Yep, the priiiize! That always cracks me up. I tend to kill Ashley… keeping Kaidan. He has nice body and I keep hoping the he will redeem himself in ME3. Thanks for review! You made me laugh, thanks!  
><strong>_

_**Kiki Aries: Nope he didn't, he is totally his fathers son, minus the gun to his head. I had to hold back, still need him somewhat alive. And Shep just had too much on her, with her past and everything, she had to crack. Besides, it gave her good reason to spend the night in Thanes room. –wink,wink- Haha, thanks, I will try to keep delivering it. And ahem, your –next- is right here below.**_

_**About the chapter: This part went its own way (and is longer than any other), I had something different in mind but I guess that my Shep and Thane have minds of their-own (mostly Thane, bless him). I also thought that this will be the last part of chapter 5, and I was wrong again, one more part is coming soon… Anyhow, enough of my babbling… Hope you will like it and hey, let me know what you think. I love reviews, they make my heart go boom-boom, and that is good! Oh, one more thing: working on a one-shot that will be loosely connected with this story, mostly with this chapter…soon to come.**_

… … … … …

**Chapter 5: SUBJECTIVE PANDEMONIUM Pt.3**

Angie, woke up as the enticing smell of hot coffee hits her nostrils. She lazily stretched, her eyes still blissfully closed. She couldn't remember the last time that she has slept so peacefully. No nightmares, no waking up screaming, just peace. Something stirred and caught her attention. She opened her eyes, jumped up and immediately regretted the action. Sharp pain shot across her brains, making her dizzy. She collapsed back onto bed holding her head, eyes closed.

"Fuck," she swore weakly. A low chuckle stirred the air. Angie opened her eyes once more, slowly this time. Her vision was blurred as she tried to make sense of her surrounding. "What the fuck?" she muttered, when she realised that she is in Life Support. Her face twisted in uttermost bewilderment as she noticed that she is sitting on bed. She was perplexed, trying to figure out how she got there in the first place.

Thane observed her intently from his chair, hiding his amusement. "Coffee?" he offered and pointed to the cup on the table. "I took the liberty to bring you one when I noticed that you were slowly waking."

Angie couldn't help herself as she lightly blushed. "Thank you," she muttered and took the seat at the table, accepting the coffee gratefully. She always had to have a cup in the morning to get her brains going. She was surprised that this drell would know that, but she decided against pursuing the matter. She took a sip and moan in pleasure as hot liquid reached her taste buds. Another blush colour her cheeks as she realised what she just did and where she did it. Suddenly she became painfully aware that Thanes eyes are constantly on her, she moved uncomfortably, searching for something to say, but came up blank.

"I trust you are rested?" Thane asked, tilting his head to the side.

"I am, thank you for asking," she politely replied as she was still trying to figure out how she got here and what happened. She took another sip of coffee and then it hit her. Flashes of past events filled her mind and she swallowed hard. Her throat protested in pain as she coughed. Her eyes were full of questions as she gazed at Thane.

Thane simply nodded to her and answered her unspoken questions with that movement. Angie closed her eyes and he moved his gaze past her, looking absently at drive core as he relived last night. He smiled softly when he remembered how peaceful Angie looked while sleeping in his bed. Here and there she would stir in her slumber, her face twisted in pain, and he would walk over, gently caress her hair until the pain would be erased and she would sleep peacefully once more. _Such silky softness of her hair,_ he mused and smiled. Angie didn't noticed the smile playing on his lips as her mind danced through the memory of last night, the desperation and rage of Jacobs face, calm presence of Thane, overwhelming safety, and peace at last, when she slept.

Door hissed open as Garrus entered the room. Both Thane and Angie looked at him. "Morning Shade, Thane told me you were waking." Angie nodded to him and offered him a smile. "I just wanted to cheek on you myself," he felt slightly uncomfortable. "How are you feeling?" Angie couldn't but notice the softness in his eyes. Garrus was like a brother to her.

"Better, thank you," she smiled at him.

Garrus was pleased. He loved the way her lips would stretch in what he learned was a smile. He wished he would see her like that more often. Angie was like little sister to him, even if she was usually the one saving his ass. He chuckled internally. "I already gave today's assignments to the crew so you can have some moments to yourself." Garrus braced himself for Angie's anger that he thought would come his way.

Angie looked at him sharply: "Is that so, Officer Vakarin?"

Garrus took a step back: "Yes… I probably shouldn't have, but I…" he stopped explaining when he heard amused laughter coming from Shepard.

"Thanks Garrus, you did right." She walked to him and patted him on his back. "You are my second in command, no matter what Miranda thinks." She added seriously.

Garrus gave her delightful smile, turian way. "Miranda wasn't so fond of me taking command," he muttered.

"Of curse she wasn't. What did you do?" she chuckled.

"I escorted her to the air lock and…" his eyes wandered the room as he grew silent.

"You didn't!" Angie exclaimed.

"No, but I wanted to," Garrus laughed. "I told her that I have permission to air lock her if she disobeys."

"And that you have," Angie nodded seriously before she laughed.

"If there is nothing else you need me to do, I would like to go and do some calibrating…" Garrus looked at Angie waiting for her response.

"By the gods, Garrus! Aren't you tired of calibrating constantly?" Angie smirked.

"You wouldn't think so, if you would understand the complexity and beauty of fire algorithms," Garrus told her with all severity he could muster. Angie blinked at him silently. "The flexibility of algorithms…" his voice becomes painfully soft, excruciatingly erotic.

"Stop it right there, turian! You are trying to kill me!" she cried out laughing and holding her tummy.

"Nope," he smirked. "But I did get you laughing," Garrus winked at her.

Angie punched him in the shoulder: "Now go back to your calibrating. The ships guns are getting lonely."

Garrus turned his back on them with a mocking smile, strutting out of the room. Shepard slapped a hand over her mouth, to smother the laughter bubbling forth as she watched the turian sway his hips mimicking how a human female walks.

"I love that guy," she smiled as she sat back down, allowing herself another sip of coffee, missing the brief sadness crossing Thanes eyes. Thane didn't quite understand from where the sadness has come. He respected the human woman sitting before him. He even admitted to himself, that she is attractive, for a human. He enjoyed her presence and their conversations. Her skin on his, her hands around his waist and body tightly held to his, silkiness of her hair, they all felt amazingly. But she was a human, his Commander, and he loved his Irikah, there was no doubt there. _Another Siha,_ he thought, _but not mine, not for me…_ Sadness overflowed him again at the thought and he fought hard not to be sucked into the turmoil of his mind. _I will have to meditate, _he concluded with annoyance. His inner peace became chaos and he wasn't pleased with it.

Shepard stood up. "Thank you, Thane, for everything." She smiled before taking the empty cup. "I should attend to my duties, if you would allow."

"Of course," Thane stood up and indicated a bow.

_So polite, _Angie thought as she left Life Support. Her eyes darkened when she decided that she would give Jacob a visit. She didn't want to see him, but she knew she had to. She was Commander Shepard and that was her duty.

Thane gazed after her until a beep of his omni-toll caught his attention. He opened a message coming from one of his contacts on the Citadel. His eyes grew darker and darker as he read what it had to say. "Kolyat," he whispered, his voice mixing with the soothing humming of drive core. He stood up and marched out of room, straight to the elevator, not noticing that Shepard just entered Med Bay. For a moment he forgot his manners as his mind was focused on Kolyat and he entered Shepard's quarters without a thought. He looked around searching for her, but she was not there. He wondered if he should go looking for her, but then decided that he will just wait for Angie here. Hesitantly he walked down the stairs and sat himself on the couch, waiting patiently, thinking about how he will explain what he needs of her.

… … … … …

Shepard entered Med Bay and found Miranda by Jacobs's bed, her expression cold. Angie wasn't surprised. She knew that there was something between the two of them some time ago. She didn't know the details, but she didn't want to know anyhow.

Miranda turned towards Angie, lips tighten in accusation, "What did you do to him?"

Shepard shrugged, not wanting to explain things to her, "He got what he deserved."

"You crossed the line, Shepard," Miranda said icily.

Shepard took a step towards her, her hands clenched into fists. She spoke to Miranda in slow, even voice: "I would suggest that you keep your mouth tightly shut, and remove yourself from my presence or you might end in the bed next to Jacob."

"I will report to Illusive Man about this!" Miranda threatened coldly.

"Please do. It will save me the trouble of me doing it," Angie laughed coldly.

"I will not forget to add your fraternization with aliens." Miranda barked at Shepard. "Illusive Man will not be pleased with you spending the night with a drell."

Shepard glared at Miranda, murder written on her face. "Who I share my time with is none of your business. I would advise you to remember that."

"I can not understand what you see in that lizard," Miranda spat.

Shepard's biotics sprang to life. She was moving slowly, her eyes never leaving Miranda's face, like wildcat that was about to jump on its meal. Miranda looked at Shepard, her fear obvious on her face.

"Miss Lawson," EDI broke the tense silence in the room. "I would advise that you start running." EDI paused just a little bit. "NOW!" If EDI wouldn't be AI, one could swear that there was amusement in her voice.

Miranda took EDIs advice to heart and quickly ran out of Med Bay, not looking back, hoping that Shepard would not follow her. She had never before been so afraid for her life. She was perfect. But against Shepard she had no chance.

Angie calmed down as soon as Miranda left. She took a deep breath and looked at Jacob. He was hooked up to life support system, unconscious, looking like nothing more than a piece of meat. Shepard shivered as she remembered the sounds of bone breaking and shattering when Thane dealt with him.

"He will live," Dr. Chakwas said thoughtfully. "We don't know yet when he will be fit for duty. The body trauma is to sever. I speculate that his fighting days are over." She looked softly at Angie.

"Do what you can for him," Shepard muttered.

"I will," Dr. Chakwas nodded. "Garrus told as vaguely what happened. I believe he deserved it. So does Mordin." Shepard nodded in appreciation. "Mordin was thinking of inducing tresher maws blood into Jacob's veins, but I advised against it, as I know that you would not be pleased with such an action," Chakwas continued seriously. "If I wouldn't have taken the Hippocratic Oath…" her voice became darker: "I would do that myself."

Angie gently put her hand on doctor's shoulder: "Thank you, Helena. I am glad that you didn't." Chakwas face lifted up in an amazing smile as she heard Angie using her first name. "Do we know when he will come around?" Angie asked.

"No. He is currently in comma. Waking him up would be inadvisable." Helena explained.

Angie nodded: "Let me know when, he does, please."

"Of course," Helena agreed and returned back to her desk.

Angie left Med Bay, deciding to do some paperwork.

… … … … …

"That was terrific, EDI!" Joker laughed sitting in his chair on cockpit.

"Do you want video to be uploaded right now, Jeff?" EDI asked.

"Of course! People are dying to see Shepard scaring off Miranda like that," he nodded to EDI.

It was as he said. There was large amount of fans begging him to post such video on the externet site dedicated to Commander Shepard that he put up. It was a gold pit. Initially he worried what Shepard might do to him, when she would found out what he did. And he was right to worry. Angie did eventually find out, and she wanted to brutally murder him, or at least break all the bones in his body. _Which wouldn't be too hard, _he thought to himself. The only thing that stopped her was the fact that Joker was transferring all the money earned to different organizations. One of them was researching Vrolik Syndrome, of course. There was a large number of charity services, for human and alien alike, which also received funding from this site. The families of Normandy SR 1 received a generous share. But what surprised Angie the most was the fact, that lately Joker was also donating the credits earned to hanar organization searching for a cure for Kepral's Syndrome. After all that, she not only decided not to kill him, but she also allowed him to continue with it.

"Wouldn't that be against the desired effect, Jeff?" EDI asked.

"Huh?" Joker was confounded.

"You wouldn't want people who pay a fee to see these videos die. That would be counterproductive. My calculations say that if 109 777 787 992 873 and 1 person would die, the profit that you are making wouldn't be enough to sustain the page." EDI elaborate.

"That's not… It means… Ah, I give up. Just upload it, EDI," Joker really didn't want to go into another 5-hour debate with her right now.

"Already done, Jeff. Do you need anything else?" EDI asked.

"Start up the game of poker that we played before. I want to kick your ass this time." Joker activated autopilot.

"Actually Jeff, you technically can't kick my ass. You should be well aware by this time that I do not posses one of those parts," EDI started again.

"EDI, just shut up and play!" Joker said agitated.

… … … … …

Shepard entered her room, lost deep in her thoughts, not noticing drell on her couch. Thane cough softly in attempt to gain her attention, but it was in vain. Angie was deeply within her own mind and Krios decided to wait until she would notice him.

Angie walked straight to her terrarium, eyes fixed on little gecko in there. She smiled and picked him out, caressing his tiny scaly head. "Hey there boy, have you missed me?" she addressed the little creature.

Thane looked at her surprised. He didn't notice the pet when he entered her room. His mind was focused only on Kolyat at that time. It didn't surprise him that much, that Shepard would have a pet. He was mostly surprised by the fact that she was talking to it. _Does she expect it to talk back? _Thane wondered silently.

"I bet you had," Shepard continued her one-way discussion with gecko and brought him up to her nose, looking at him. "You know Teal, we have somebody on board that you would probably want to meet," she still didn't notice that Thane is in the room.

_Why would this lizard pet want to meet anybody? _Thane pondered slightly amused. _But considering that she gave a name to this creature… anything is possible._

"You two have some things in common, you know…" Angie spoke softly to her pet.

_Who is she talking about? _Thane couldn't quite make a connection. He wasn't aware of any other pet on board the Normandy that this lizard would have something in common with. Garrus had some red beetle with him, but there was no resemblance. Dr. Chakwas had a silver stripped cat, and that was all. Slowly, very slowly he started to understand, his mind fought against it. _No, it can't be… she would not…_ And then he heard her.

"Thane has scales also," she chuckled lightly, oblivious to the fact that the very same person is in the room.

He rose to his feet as her words were uttered. He wanted to remain calm and composed, but the offence was to grave and he failed miserably, even all the years of being trained by hanars could not prepare him for something like this. He thought he had her respect, he thought that she wasn't just another xenophobe, but he was wrong. This little human woman fooled him and he was fooled hard.

His voice was bitter, full of frustration, dark, but calm rage ringing in the back, when he spoke: "So, Commander Shepard."

Angie jumped as she heard him. She put her gecko quickly back into terrarium and turned towards Thane. She wanted to speak, but her words stay stuck in her throat, as she took in the drell standing before her. His presence emanated dark and dangerous. Shepard would swear the air in the room became cold and the light diminished.

"You DARE to compare this…" he stopped, thought for a while, his eyes burning with rage: "…this LIZARD to ME!" It was not a question, it was accusation.

Angie's eyes widened in fear and her biotics flared to life instinctively as he took a few steps closer to her. She didn't want to fight him, she really didn't. She came to respect him; she was also just beginning to think about him as a friend. Shepard took few steps back, trying to explain herself, "I didn't mean… I was just…" she staggered, searching franticly for a way to explain.

Thane leaped towards her, quickly as a shooting star crosses the sky. He grabbed her by her shoulders, ignoring the biotics around her. "How dare you!" his voice was like a thunder in a storm, waves of ire crushing against shore of disappointment in his eyes.

"Thane… please," Angie whispered pleadingly.

Profound sadness crossed Thanes face just before they turned hollow. He let Angie go and left her room without looking back.

Angie stood there for a while, not moving, not breathing as she went through what had just happened. Slowly anger rose in her, shaking her very being. "Oh no, you will not!" she hissed into silence, turned on her heal and marched after Thane.

… … … … …

Shepard wanted to enter Life Support but the doors were locked. This was something new, as Thane never locked them. She stopped abruptly.

"EDI, tell Mr. Krios that I am requesting entrance." She ordered VI.

"Sere Krios does not wish to be disturbed," EDI responded.

"Tell him that I wish to discus about what transpired earlier." She instructed annoyed.

"Sere Krios said that there is nothing more to discuss and asks you to stop disturbing his meditations," EDI helpfully conveyed.

"I am fucking Commander Shepard and he better to open these doors!" Angie growled.

"Sere Krios said that you can be Arashu herself and the doors would stay closed." EDI said.

Angies mind at this point was completely clouded, all rational thoughts left her. "If this is how he wants to play it… I am all gamed," she hissed under her breath. Angie didn't think of asking EDI to grant her entrance, she completely ignored the fact that she could. Shepard found the access to the air vents and slowly crawled them, cursing wildly in her mind. She felt relief as she finally saw Life Support under her. She leaped out and… she forgot one more thing. Thane was highly skilled assassin.

As soon as she felt solid ground touching her feet, she found herself pinned against wall. She felt agile fingers around her neck, taking away her breath.

Thane's instincts kicked into action as he sensed someone's presence. He acted swiftly, but when he realized that it is Shepard, he let go and stepped back.

Angie rubbed her neck, catching breath. Her anger somewhat quenched.

"What do you want Shepard," his voice was cold.

"I want to talk. EDI told you that already," she responded in equally cold voice. She knew that this wouldn't make things better, but she couldn't help herself.

"And I have said that we have nothing to speak about," he dismissed her. "Now please, leave." Thane turned his back on her.

"Oh no!" Angie hissed, not allowing this to end like that. She stretched her hand out grasping onto Thanes shoulder. Instantly she found herself pinned against the wall again, not able to move.

"I politely asked you to leave," Thanes breath felt hot against her skin.

"I am not leaving, Thane! Please, let me explain…" she managed to speak in slightly softer tone, trying hard to ignore his body pressed against hers.

"I am NOT a lizard!" he hissed and sent shivers down her spine.

"I never said that you are!" she tried reasoning as she felt herself slipping.

"You dared to compare me with one," Thane didn't give in.

"You both have scales!" she snorted. "I respect you Thane. You are seeing things that are not there. I never intended to offend you. Now let me go," she demanded.

Angies eyes widened in shock as she suddenly felt Thane lips against hers. Her first thought was pushing him away, but she couldn't. Against her better judgment, her lips responded and started to move against Thanes. It was just one brief moment. His tongue meets hers, sweet and spicy, exploring, demanding. A tingling sensation swept through her. All colours were sucked, slowly twirling into one tiny black spot. Angie's irises dilated even more at this colourful vortex. A moment devoid of rational thought. There was no colour left, just that tiny black spot, pulsating in perfect scyhronization with her heartbeat, stronger, faster, intensifying. It couldn't last. It exploded with unfathomable force, colours shooting out from its centre, brighter, shimmering, flooding all senses. It was too much, her eyes closed, but colours danced behind her eyelids still. As quickly as it happened, so quickly it also ended. She gasped for breath at this cold abandonment. His lips left hers; his hands left her shoulders, his body increasing the distance between them. She swallowed the cry before it could sound out, shivering.

Angie, weakly stood leaning against the wall, struggling with gravity as colours still danced a tango before her. She looked at Thane and it took her breath away. Bright shimmering light was surrounding him, scales iridescent. She tried to form coherent thought but she failed. Thane marvelled at her, her blushed cheeks, slightly swollen pink lips, red hair like silk, blues of her eyes. No more would he find her colourless, she was beautiful, her sweet taste still fresh on his tongue, tender lips moving with his…

"I…," they both started simultaneously. Angie weakly indicated him to go first.

Thane's voice sounded soft, "I am deeply sorry. I didn't mean this to happen. I hope you will find it within yourself forgiveness for…" he paused thinking. "For my action." He gathered his calm once more.

His voice flooded over her, caressing her skin, sinking under it, tickling her.

Angie nodded: "Of course…" her voice was strained as she tried to ignore the fuzzy state of her mind. "I would hope that you could forgive me." She had to breathe, to pause in order for her lips to form words. "I really did not mean it to sound like it did." She looked hopefully at him, her eyes somewhat distant.

"It is forgiven," he sighted. "I would advice that we try to forget what has happened here…" he spoke, hands behind his back.

Angie tried to straighten up: "It would probably be for the best… yes." She extended her hand; she wanted to shake his in sign of good will. She simultaneously took a step towards him but her legs buckled from beneath her. Thanes hand shot out, catching her around the waist, before she crumpled to floor.

"Are you feeling all right?" His voice was worried.

"No… I am not," Angie weakly, admitted as he helped her across the room and let her sit down on his bed.

"I will call a doctor," Thane said and wanted to go find one.

"No, don't," Angie stopped him. "I don't want to explain what just happened to anybody," her eyes closed.

Hurt played in Thanes eyes, "I see…" he spoke darkly.

Angie immediately knew what he must be thinking and how she sounded. "No, it is not that!" she felt offended.

"Are you sure?" Thane tilted his head at her, searching her face for a trace of lie.

"Of course I am," indignation now perfectly clear in her voice. She stood up defiantly but collapsed back down as the dizziness overtook her. She whimpered. "I just don't want rumours to spread… it is not good for order." She tried to explain.

"We should still call a doctor… you might be having an allergic reaction." Thane stated.

"No need. It is commonly known fact that oral contact between drells and humans can cause hallucinations for human participant. Considering the short amount of time Shepard was exposed the doctor is not needed. Shepard should feel fine in about 5 minutes. It is highly advisable to seek medical advice before exercising oral practice again." EDI tried to be helpful.

"Thank you EDI," Thane courtly responded to her.

"And EDI, don't ever again spy on me!" Shepard was annoyed. She felt the effects leaving her and it was not a sensation one would enjoy. She felt tired and drained, mild sickness crept into her. _Yep, certainly like a drug, _she thought not knowing whether she should laugh or cry. "My mouth feels dry," she complained.

Thane took glass of water that he had on table and offered it to Angie. She accepted it gratefully and drank it all in an instant. "Thank you, this helped." She smiled warily. "I feel better now and I think I should get back to work." She grimaced.

"Of course, I will not take any more time." Thane almost whispered. He wished to be alone and given the opportunity to figure out what had happened, but at same time he didn't want her to go.

Angie reluctantly got up, swayed on her legs a little, and started walking.

Thane remembered message about Kolyat that he got earlier and stopped her, "When you find time, I would be grateful if we could talk. I need to ask you something."

"You could ask me now," she commented, turning around to face him.

"No," he dismissed her. "Now is not the time."

"As you wish," Angie sighted. "Find me later then."

Thane simply nodded. Angie offered him a weak smile, he returned it, and she left.


	14. Subjective Pandemonium Pt4

**Authors Notes (yep, again): As always my thanks go to voltagelisa for taking her time and fixing my mistakes.**

**Thank you, CottoncandyGk & Kiki Aries for your reviews. I appreciate it very, very much and I am definitely glad that you liked the previous part of the chapter. Won****'****t comment much today, because I am in the middle of writing the next chapter (don't want to forget what I want to write, lol), but your comments make me smile. Oh, and Thane kisses for the win!  
><strong>

**About this chapter: well, here is the last part of chapter 5. Not much Thane in the beginning, but loads of him at the end. Let me know what you think of it.**

… … … … …

**Chapter 5: SUBJECTIVE PANDEMONIUM Pt.4**

Angie decided to do a round trip of the ship in order to see if any of her crew needed anything. Her mind however, was absent from this duty. Shepard let the elevator take her straight to Engineering deck. She found Jack in the bowels of the deck, down the stairs, just outside Main Engineering where Engineers Daniels and Donnelly bantered.

"What the fuck do you want, Shepard?" Jack said, the usually annoyance underlying her voice.

"I am fuck-solutely thrilled to see you too, Jack." Shepard smirked.

Jack shot at her smile, revealing her set of teeth. At first, Angie wasn't so fond of this crazy tattooed psycho. But they both shared hatred towards Cerberus and it eventually brought them together. Shepard could always count on Jack to deliver her honest opinion on a matter, even if it was rude, and she cherished that.

"Did you discovered anything more in Cerberus files?" she asked her.

"I fucking have. You won't believe the shit I found." Jack spat.

"Here look for yourself," she offered Shepard one of the data pads.

Angie read for few moments. Surprise, disgust, horror and anger fought for domination on her face. "That's fucking sick!" she scowled when she finished reading.

"I will dig deeper into this shit. There is more." Jacks eyes drifted away from Shepard, a hint of angry sadness in them. Shepard walked to Jack and put her hand on her shoulder, squeezing lightly. Usually Jack would flinch away from the gesture, but this time she didn't. She looked briefly at Shepard and then let her gaze fall to floor.

"Let me know if you find more," Angie spoke softly before leaving.

"Hey, Shepard," Jack called after her and made Angie stop at the stairs.

"Yes?" She turned around.

"Thanks," Jack grimaced.

Angie simply nodded, a small smile playing across her lips as soon as Jack couldn't see it anymore. She knew how hard it was for Jack to say that word.

Shepard stopped at Grunt; she had some scorning to do, reminding him that he should not make it his life mission scaring Kelly brainless. Angie promised him, that she would kick his ass into oblivion, if he will not behave like a good little krogan that she knows he is. He agreed disdainfully. Shepard gave him strong, yet loving, slap on his head and earned herself wide, cheerful grin from Grunt. She almost exited Port Cargo area when Grunt charged at her, almost knocked her over from the impact, he put his hands around her, squeezed her tightly and lightly bumped his head to the back of her head. He let her go and Angie could again breathe. Both laughed loudly at this. Shepard gave him a pat on his back before she left him. This interaction was something that occurred many times and it has become normality for her.

Relationship between Grunt and Shepard was complicated. Grunt was perfect krogan, created by the warlord Okeer, who was originally investigating the genophage, but then decided to produce genetically pure, superior krogan. Shepard was supposed to recruit Okeer and for that reason she landed on Korlus. But as always, there were complications. Jedore, a Blue Suns mercenary with whom Okeer had business relationship, released toxins into the air and killed the warlord before Shepard got to him. Okeer left a super soldiers tank in Shepard's custody. She transported it aboard Normandy and eventually released him from his –glass mother-, as Grunt refers to his tank. The newly awakened krogan pinned Shepard to wall and declared his intention to kill her. She looked at him without a glint of fear and persuaded him to join the team. Grunt accepted her offer and only after he realized, that Shepard was pointing a gun at him all along. He voiced his approval. Grunt is violent and highly unpredictable. His impatience often prompts him to charge recklessly into the midst of his foes, but out of the battle, he is somewhat naïve and extremely enthusiastic when it comes to violence and combat.

Because of the lack of krogan guidance and inexperience, he is under all that violent form, just a baby krogan. It didn't take long for Angie to realize that. Grunt learned to respect Angie for her battle prowess and her strengths. He never said it loudly, but he considered Shepard as Commander-mother. Most of the crew was well aware of that. He was very protective over her, and he regularly exhibited sonly affections towards her, krogan style. The charging at her, hugging her bruising and lightly bumping her head was exactly that, nothing more but also nothing less. Angie researched krogan culture to some extent; thanks to Wrex and the time they spent together on the first Normandy, and knew what Grunts actions meant. She acted accordingly, did what a krogan child would expect from his mother. This morning was not forced from her, she took her motherly role quite naturally and Grunt quickly became her baby-krogan in all aspects, much to Illusive Mans dismay.

Angie stopped by Zaeed for few minutes, threw few knives at the wall with him and won their little game once more. Her path then lead back to Crew's Quarters located on Deck 3. She checked on Samara, finding her in deep meditative state, she decided to not disturb her. Angie walked past Cryogenic Pods into Main Battery room. Garrus was calibrating, as usually and she left him to it, laughing and rolling her eyes.

Her next stop was Executive Officer's Offices. She didn't want to see Miranda, but she knew she must. Miranda was engrossed in paperwork, expressed brief –sorry- to Shepard, explaining that she didn't know what happened between her and Jacob, and actually even admitted that Jacob had it coming. Angie was pleased, as she left Miranda to her work and rounded the corner, heading to Starboard Observation to see Kasumi. She had liking of this nimble thief. Katsumi and her shared many drinks that accompanied their banter. Before leaving Shepard checked the book-pads and chose one explaining drell culture, Kasumi winked at Angie as she noticed the selected book. Kasumis room was originally designated as crew's library. Angie offered to relocate it but Kasumi wanted it to stay as it was, giving her opportunity to chitchat with many crewmembers that came in borrowing books.

Shepard stood for a while in front Life Support, blushing deeply as she remembered the kiss. _How in the hell can I simply forget that it happened_, she thought shaking her head and headed up to Deck 2.

She stopped by Joker and found him deeply involved in a game of hanar version of chess. EDI was of course winning.

Her next stop was Mordin Solus, salarian genius, but he was completely involved in his research. She went to leave, without disturbing him but he stopped her. He gave her long examinating look that made her feel uncomfortable.

He stroll to the cupboard, took out a bottle of pills and threw it to her. She caught the bottle. "Anti-hallucigens. Needed to increase immunity. Drell saliva has hallucigene qualities. Can't have you high!" he smirked. "Take two a day, morning and evening, for 2 weeks. Will have ointments sent to your room. Scale to skin causes rashes for human, dryness to drell." He stopped to take a breath. "Also other needed data. Visual also. Sent to Thane too. If other questions, come speak with me." He finished his rambling, completely ignoring Shepard's deep blush and embarrassment.

"We are not…" Angie flustered but Mordin cut her short.

"Drell-human relationship complicated. Shepard complicated. So is Thane. Make precautious." He rambled.

"But…" Angie tried to object.

"No time now. Need to focus on research. Not so complicated. Less wine and mood music required," he jeered.

Angie gave up and walked away, the bottle of pills clenched tightly in her hand. Angie sighed deeply as her legs led her to Armoury. Irina Kraskatowa stood there in Jacobs place, taking care of the weapons. Angie gave her encouraging smile and complimented her, as she observed nimble fingers running a maintrance check on the guns.

Her next stop was the always bubbling and sparking persona of Kelly Chambers. Kelly told her that there is few messages waiting for her, informed her of psychical status of the crew and told her that Illusive Man wants to speak with her. Angie grimaced at the last and decided that she will contact him sometime in the next days. She hinted to Kelly that Mordin Solus is interested in her. _That should be revenge_, Angie laughed deviously inside.

Finally her round was concluded and she was able to return to Deck 1, her private quarters known also as The Loft.

… … … … …

Shepard put the bottle of pills into the drawer. She looked at the book-pad she borrowed and put it beside the pills. _What the hell was I thinking_, she shuddered. She sat down behind her private terminal and cheeked her messages. There was nothing of importance, just few thanks, and some threats, the usual. Her eyes caught a message from Mordin. She almost opened it but then decided against it. _It is not like I need to know anyhow_, she thought. She closed the terminal and started to work on numerous forms and manifests that she had to go through and sign. _Work, work, work…_She tried very hard to focus on her work, but her mind kept escaping towards that particular drell.

… … … … …

Thane sat in Life Support, trying very hard to meditate. He frequently stood up and paced the room before trying again. He wasn't offended by Shepard comparing him to her pet anymore, he now understood that it was not meant in such way, but he was far from pleased regarding the way he acted.

Hanars had trained him, not only in many ways of killing, but also in controlling oneself. All the years of training, all the years of practicing, vanquished as he had heard those words. After the death of Irikah, he closed himself from the universe, not letting anybody close, not letting anybody to affect him this way. He was insulted many times, by asari and humans alike, but this time it hurt.

Thane shook his head and tried again, prayed to gods to grant him peace so he could meditate, but memory overwhelms him.

_"Now let me go!" she demands, indignity in the spark of the blues of her eyes. Her body warm against mine. Roses from the softness of her skin. I try to step back, I cant, perfect pink lips invite. I lean closer. My lips touch hers, such delicate tenderness, softer than drell. She hesitates. I should not be doing this, I think but can't stop. Her lips give in, move against mine, shivers shoot down my spine. My tongue finds hers, sweet, delicious, they dance…_

Beep from the omni-tool invades the memory. Thane laid his head onto his hands, ignoring the incoming message. Once more he is pulled into memory.

_"I would advise that we try to forget what has happened here…" I say, my composure hard to maintain._

_ "It would probably be for the best… yes." Siha agrees. Sadness overflows me. Confusion. I hide both. She can forget. I will never. I shall cherish this memory until my last breath. She will forget…_

Thane shook his head. _I should not think like that… my time is limited…I am disgracing Irikah_, he reminded himself, before turning his attention on the omni-tool.

He opened the message that he received and read it. His eyes darkened as he read another message from one of his contacts. Kolyat will soon arrive to Citadel.

… … … … …

Next day they stopped at one of the human mining posts. The colony was a small one, but they had the supplies that Normandy needed. Kasumi requested few hours' leave in order to meet up with one of her contacts. Shepard made her way to Kasumi's quarters and helped herself at the bar. She didn't drink much, but today she needed her little pink –pick me up- drink. She mixed up the drink, Lamenting Winds of Forgetfulness, and sat on the couch looking trough the window at stars.

The doors hissed open and drell emerge into the room.

"Oh, forgive for the disturbance," he bowed his head to Angie.

"Nothing to forgive," she smiled warily. "If you are looking for Kasumi, I must sadly inform you that she is currently planet side." Her voice was rather cold.

"I am aware, but I was not looking for Miss. Groto. Thank you anyhow" Thane responded curtly.

"Oh?" Angie's eyebrow shot up.

"I was merely returning a book-pad," he strolled to the shelf full of book-pads and put it in its regular place. "Again, I am sorry for intruding. I shall leave you to your…indulgement," he bowed again intended to leave Angie alone.

"Or you could join me," she extended invitation.

Thane looked at her intensely, trying to figure out if her invitation is merely a politeness or her actual wish. "It would me my pleasure," he finally decided and sat down.

"Can I mix you a drink?" Angie asked.

"I would appreciate it," he nodded.

"Any special wishes?" she inquired.

"I will have whatever you are having," he offered her a tiny little smile and she returned it.

Angie walked over to the bar, mixed a drink, brought it to him and sat back down on her previous spot. Thane's eyes followed her every moment; Angie tried very hard to ignore it.

He tasted the drink she mixed for him and purred as delightfulness of it spread in him. "You have exquisite taste," he complimented. "May I ask what this deliciousness is called?" he asked.

"Thank you," Angie couldn't help but blush slightly at the compliment. "Its Lamenting Winds of Forgetfulness."

"Oh?" Thane eyed her. "How appropriate," he nodded, while the corner of his lip tugged up into little half-smile.

Shepard tried her best to nonchalantly shrug as she turned her gaze back towards stars. Thane curiously observed her. She took one more sip of her –pick me up- before she turned her attention back on Thane. "Some time ago, when we spoke, you started talking about past events like you were reliving it."

Thane nodded casually, "Drell have perfect memory. We can relive moments at any time. It is sometimes difficult to control it. Some of us disappear into," he paused thinking. "Hmm, lets call it solipsism." He felt relief wash over him as Angie started talking with him the same way as she did before their kiss.

"What do you mean, solipsism," she raised an eyebrow curiously.

"When memory feels as real as life, its valid as life." He offered small smile. "Talking about moment brings back the smell of cut grass," he took one of her hands in his own, " the warmth of another's hand in yours," he paused. Angie's eyes drifted to his hand holding hers. Thane smiled and leaned slightly forward as he continued, "The taste of another's tongue in your mouth." Angie looked up only to find his face close to hers, she felt like drowning as she gazed into his deep black pools of his eyes. Thane's breath fanned her skin as his alluring lips moved again. "Wouldn't you rather lose yourself in such a memory than spend the night alone, starring at walls of metal and plastic?" he breathed while he fought the urge to kiss her again. _This should not be happening_, he thought to himself in vain.

Angie felt mesmerized; she was drawn to his lips as moth is drawn to the light. To feel his lips against hers again, to taste the spicy sweetness of his… She felt herself moving closer and closer. Her lips touched his, a feathery connection just before she pulled rather abruptly back. _I shouldn't be doing this_, they annoying voice in her mind spoke. Thane reluctantly let go of her hand.

"Forgive me, I didn't mean to…" he started to gallantly apologize.

"Please, stop… we are both to blame for this," she stopped him and offer weak smile before turning her attention back to stars in order to regain some sanity. Thane nodded lightly and kept watching her.

"Isn't there a risk that you would lose yourself in bad memories as well?" she asked, turned her gaze back at Thane.

"Of course," Thane nodded seriously. "Remembering the times I have taken bullets is," he paused, "unpleasant. But I can look at my knee and see its not shattered. The memories that are hard to escape are those of despair."

Angie nodded in understanding. She took another sip of drink before she continued her little interrogation, "You can remember everything that happened in your life?" she raised an eyebrow at him.

"Nearly," Thane nodded. "And I expect, if we remembered the birth trauma, we would never recover from it." He blinked at her.

Angie laughed slightly at that, before she continued seriously: "You can relive every assassination you ever had?"

"In perfect detail," he said proudly. "Every mistake that I made. Every targets last breath."

"That sounds difficult. At any time you could relive the guilt." Angie said thoughtfully.

"Guilt? No," he dismissed. "I never felt any particular guilt about my contract." Angie's eyebrows furrowed. "My employers killed them. I was just the tool they used." He explained. "If you kill a man with a gun, do you hold your gun responsible?" he asked in example.

"My gun doesn't have free will. It can't decide right from wrong." She objected. "You do." She added pointedly.

"My soul does. But my body is merely flesh whose reflexes were honed to kill; Drells minds are different from humans. We see our body as a vessel, and accept that it is not always under our control." He offered.

"So you don't assume responsibilities for the things you do?" she asked accusingly.

"Not every action performed by my body is result of conscious choices," he explained smirking. "I take responsibilities for those that are, Humans often believe that soul is distinctive from a body. A spirit responsible for moral reasoning that lives on even after death." He tilted his head at her. "Our belief is just a bit… more literal."

"So, if I shoot you right here, right now, the drell court wouldn't convict me?" she teased.

"You would be guilty because you chose to shoot me. If my reflexes caused me to draw and fire when I would saw your gun come up, I would be innocent." He said as a matter of fact before eyeing her. "Would you shoot me? Why?"

"Maybe. I could probably find a reason… or two." she smirked.

"Lets hope that you don't try to do it then," he scoffs. "I very much prefer seeing you alive." He added smugly.

Angie looked at him incredulously for a second before her lips stretched into breathtaking smile. "Lets hope. The enjoyment of defeating the best assassin in galaxy would be diminished by the fact, that the mentioned person would not be able to fully appreciate his defeat." She chimed.

"It would be such a nuisance, yes, when the best that humanity has to offer wouldn't be able to fully grasp the elegant skilfulness of said assassin as her day would turn to night," he bantered.

"This, Sere Krios, calls for a tournament, if you would to accept the challenge," she laughed.

"It would be my pleasure," he stood up and bowed. "I gladly accept." He sat back down smiling.

They took another sip of their drinks before Angie turned her attention back to Thane. "That time that we talked, you remembered one of your assassinations. Something about -sunset-colored- eyes." She curiously stated.

"Ah, that time," Thane sighted. "A bystander noticed my spotting laser, and threw herself between me and the target. She couldn't see me, but she stared me down."

"It was odd that you just… blurted that out. Another vivid drell memory?" she asked.

"Not…" Thane paused. "No. She was a vivid person."

Angie tilted her head: "Did you take the shot?"

"Not that day," he breathed.

Angie stood up. "I should return to work," she started walking.

"Angie," Thane called after her and made her stop. "I appreciate these chats we have." He said seriously.

"You spent a lot of time alone, Thane," she said softly.

"Work fulfilled me. Reading." Sad smile lingered on his lips. "I barely spoke to anyone outside the family." He looked at the stars. "It seems, there will be no one to mourn me, when I die," his voice only but whisper. Angie walked towards him and gently placed a hand on his shoulder trying to comfort him. Thane looked back at her, "You are the only," he paused for a moment deep in thought, "friend I made in ten years."

Angie smiled at him and turn around, before she exited she turned back. "Hmm, just a friend…?" She teased. "That's a start." She shrugged and quickly left, _What the hell was I thinking,_ she shook her head.

"A start… that's intriguing," Thane breathed after her, corner of his lip tugging in a smile.


	15. Into The Belly of the Beast

**Writers Notes: As always, my gratitude goes to voltagelisa for fixing my mistakes.**

**Thank you all for your reviews (adding me and my work to favourites also!) they are wind in my wings!**

**voltagelisa: Thanks! I am very fond of that conversation also. Well, I didn't specify if it was alcoholic beverage or not, hehe, but I personally think that a glass here or there doesn't break his character. **

**Kiki Aries: Awww, killing is not what I want, but hey, it will do. I am very glad that you like the story. Await no more, the chapter is here.**

**CottoncandyGk: Hahaha, ah yes… a kiss. I always see Grunt as a baby… a big and violent, but still a baby. And well, Shepard would be the only one to… hmm… help him growing up. From there that relationship is born. Lol…Miranda, yes… But, at the end, she isn't so bad anymore. I wouldn't want to hang with her, but I wouldn't want to be on her bad side either. Yes, Irikah story is a sad one, I completely agree. But without it, Thane wouldn't be what he is. Thanks!**

**spudpuffin: Thank you very much! Yes, I am sorry for the spelling errors there. Hopefully they will be fixed in future also. Shame on me! Ahh, that's so nice from you (making acc just to post review), I appreciate it very, very much. Thank you!**

**About this chapter: For once there will be just one part of it. Not much Thane here and more of The Illusive Man. Basically this chapter serves only for moving the tale further in time. Can't have them aimlessly wander the space, can't I? So, my guess is that this is one of more boring chapters so far, but hey, Thanes loyalty mission is scheduled to happen soon. Anyhow, reviews are very much welcome!**

**... ... ... ... ...**

**I hear screams of fallen souls, sad cries of agony  
>Within the void of this evil hole, deep inside the black<strong>

**Could it be my imagination, the mirror of my fantasy?**  
><strong>A fear-induced hallucination<strong>  
><strong>Or is there no way back from the halo of darkness?<strong>

**(Ayreon – Into The Black Hole)**

**Chapter 5: INTO THE BELLY OF THE BEAST**

"Commander, The Illusive Man demands to speak with you," Joker voice boomed over the intercom.

Angie was still half-sleeping when she heard him. "I'll speak with him later, Joker," she mumbled.

"I'll just leave a message with his secretary than, shall I?" Joker smirked.

"Miranda would be thrilled…" Angie rumbled as she reluctantly got out of the bed. "Tell him I'll take his call in a few minutes." Angie took time for a quick shower, brushed her teeth, rumbled over her stray hair, pull on a uniform and marched to CIC.

There was quite some arguing coming from the CIC. The Illusive Man was definitely not pleased with Commander Shepard. He didn't liked being put on hold. Angie, on other hand, hated to take any kind of orders from The Illusive Man. After some time the arguing stopped, as both parties calmed down.

"EDI, notify the team to gather in CIC," Angie ordered coldly. "And Joker, I am sending you coordinates. Get us moving there right away," another order came from her, while transferring the data from her omni-tool to the bridge. Joker was about to give a snarky comment, but change his mind at the – don't fuck with me right now- voice that Shepard used. The team; Miranda, Garrus, Grunt, Zaeed, Kasumi, Samara, Mordin, Jack and Thane; gathered quickly. They looked curiously at Angie, leaning against the wall, her hands crossed over her chest. After few minutes of silence she addressed them in her –Commander voice - and informed them that a Collector ship has been found floating adrift. It was evidently damaged by turian patrol.

"Turian patrol damaged the ship?" Garrus scoffed, he couldn't believe what he heard.

"The Illusive Man says so," Angie shrugged. She found the information as believable as Garrus did. "But it doesn't really matter. This is a rare chance for us to examine Collector technology." She stated. Everybody agreed with her.

"What's the ETA, Joker?" she asked.

"We shall be there in about ten hours," Joker responded, for once seriously.

"Thane, Mordin and Garrus will go with me. Others will be guarding the ship. Garrus, I need you to make sure Thanix cannon is ready in case we would need it. EDI, I trust that defensive parameters are running?"

"They are, Shepard," EDI responded.

Angie paced the room, thinking before she spoke to them again: "That will be all. I would suggest all of you get some rest before we get there. Dismissed."

Everybody quickly left the CIC, only Garrus and Thane stayed behind. Angie was still pacing around the room, not noticing them.

"Shade, would you please stop moving around like that. You are making me nervous," Garrus stated.

Angie stopped, looking at both of them. "Do you two need something?" she asked distractedly.

"I don't," Garrus answered. "I just thought you might want to talk," he said.

She raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment.

"You seem," Thane spoke softly, "distracted." He walked towards her and put his hand on her shoulder.

She briefly noticed the touch, Angie leaned on the desk. "I just have this annoying feeling in my guts." She explained.

"I don't like the sound of this," Garrus shook his head.

"You think something might go wrong?" Thane asked her.

"Something will definitely go wrong, if Shade is involved!" Garrus teased with a smirk.

"Positively so," she nodded. "It might be nothing. I might be over-reacting," she looked at Garrus.

"Well, the last time you were like this," Garrus started, but was cut short by Angie.

"I got spaced," she laughed coldly.

Thane shivered unconsciously. He didn't like thinking how Angie died. He imagined her drifting all alone in the darkness of the space and he felt cold pain shooting at his heart. Angie noticed that and looked at him questionly. Thane just shook his head, not wanting to explain what he was thinking about.

Angie sighted: "All right, scatter now. We need to get ready for the mission ahead," she spoke softly.

Garrus nodded and left, while Thane still lingered.

"Will you be fine?" Krios asked her, worry quite evident on his face.

Angie smiled: "Of course," she paused. "Oh, one more thing. I want you to stop by Mordin."

"Why?" Thane's eye-ridge furrowed.

"He should take scans of you before the mission. I won't be putting more strain on your lungs than necessary." She answered his question.

"I assure you, I am perfectly capable of…" Thane objected.

"It's an order, Thane." She cut him short.

Thane nodded his consent but she could see the scowl. Angie escorted him to the Lab, making sure he would really get there, before she got herself ready for what awaits them.

… … … … …

Angie, Thane, Garrus and Mordin moved down the open hallway.

"I really don't like this…" Garrus muttered under his breath.

"It's to quiet…" Thane commented.

"No collectors. Empty." Mordin stated the obvious.

"Where the hell is our welcoming party," Shepard muttered, she didn't like the emptiness of the ship one bit.

"You would think that they would at least properly greet us," Garrus chuckled.

"I don't like this, I really don't," Shepard muttered.

"The ship's signatures match the Collector Vessel that attacked Horizon," EDI informed them.

"What? It's the same ship?" Shepard asked.

"The missing colonists from Horizon might be aboard." Mordin commented.

"Maybe they could be saved," Thane stated.

Angie nodded to that. They moved forward, deeper into the ship. On their way they found a pile of dead bodies.

"What happened here?" Thane whispered.

"Why would collectors leave a pile of bodies lying around'" Garrus wondered.

"They must have been used for testing." Mordin stated. "A control group, for some kind of research."

"They are probably better off dead than being alive," Angie said coldly. This was not the time for emotions; she will deal with that later.

Moving along they reached Control Terminal next to a body of dead Collector in a pod. Shepard contacted EDI, transferring the data from the terminal. Mordin examined the dead body and few files. He explained that the Collectors, apparently, were making fundamental genetic comparisons between their species and humanity. EDI's further analysis revealed something shocking. The Collector's DNA matches that of the Protheans. Everybody was shocked, only Mordin seemed to be unaffected by the claim.

They moved further on, and entered a massive open area of the ship, where they could see many pods, some still occupied, above and ahead of them. EDI informed them that she isn't detecting any life signs in the pods. The team didn't know if they should feel relieved or not.

"Why the hell would they need so many pods'" Garrus wondered out loud.

"Extensive research material," Mordin said, while he ran scans.

"They could harvest every human in the Terminus System, and they still couldn't fill them all," Thane was in awe.

Angie's biotics flared up as she observed the pods. "They will target Earth!" she exclaimed. "We need to stop this," her eyes burned with fire as she signalled them to move on.

As they walked up a long ram, Jokers voice stopped them.

"EDI discovered something else that you should know, Commander." Joker said over comm. "This is the very same Collector ship that attacked the SSV Normandy." He said gravely.

"What the fuck! That can't be, that's too much of a coincidence," Angie spat. "No way has the same ship been nagging me for two years, without it being planned," she muttered.

"Guess they really love you," Garrus joked.

"There's no way this could be a trap, right Commander?" Joker asked.

"No way at all," Shepard smirked.

"I hate it, when you say that, Shade," Garrus commented, looking worried.

"The Illusive Man could arrange this. Yes. Definitely." Mordin babbled.

"It wouldn't be the first one for him, that I can confirm," Thane gravely commented as he moved closer to Angie, touching her shoulder worried, as he noticed her eyes and scars glowing bright red.

She nodded, giving a Thane a smile showing she was fine, before she uttered under her breath: "They will learn that payback is a bitch."

As they walked even further in, they approached an apparent dead end. Mordin pointed Shepard to the Command Console that was there. Shepard accessed console and set up a link between EDI and Collector Ship. For few a moments it seemed everything will be going well, but of course it didn't.

The holo-display at Normandy Cockpit went blank, followed by the Collector General briefly appearing in the form of a red hologram, to Joker's great displeasure.

The Collector's Ship shook, Shepard quickly radioed for a status report, to which Joker responded, explaining that there was a power surge. EDI informed them, that she managed to divert the overload to non-critical systems, and stated that this was not malfunction; it was a trap. Shepard rolled her eyes. _Of course it was the trap, what else could it be?_ she thought.

The platform suddenly flew into the air, confusing the squad. Shepard listened as EDI informed them that she's having difficulty maintaining the connection, as someone else from the collectors ship had managed to get into the systems. The platform luckily provided some cover and proved to be a good position to combat the enemy that finally appeared.

"And I thought they wouldn't attend the party at all," Angie smirked as two Collector Drones and a Guardian dropped in.

"Did you ask them to bring the drinks with them?" Garrus jeered as he took down one of the Drones.

"Collector's drinks are probably amazing," Thane smirked and shot down the second Drone with lethal precision.

"I thought you two would have informed them to bring some," Angie laughed as she was dealing with the Guardian.

"But they did take care for mood lightning." Mordin commented, looking around. Garrus and Angie looked at Mordin, momentarily stunned, before they burst out laughing, Thane's lips stretched into smile.

"Fuck, a Scion!" Angie cursed. "Stay down!" she ordered to the team, as she sprinted to the next cover in order to get better angle to attack the Scion standing on the moving platform. She threw a Stasis at the Scion, and freezing him in place. Angie laughed, as the platform moved away and the stull frozen Scion, plummet into the depths below. _I am glad that I took some of that Advance Training program, _Angie thought.

They had to fight few more waves, but between the four of them, it wasn't too hard. The last wave was composed of two Scions supported by some more of the Collectors.

"Target the Collectors, we don't want Harbinger to appear," Angie ordered. "I will distract Scions."

As soon as she spoke those words a voice come booming around the room: "Assuming direct control. I will destroy you if I must, Shepard!"

"Fuck," Angie swore. "Destroy me? I don't fucking think so!" she screamed back at him furiously, while she reached for her Grenade Launcher. Her lips stretched into evil smile, as she pulled the trigger two times and sent him into the land of dead.

"Remind me, to never piss you off," Garrus whistled, while he shot at the last of the Collectors. Thane and Mordin both nodded at that, laughing.

Angie looked at them, revealing her pearly whites. "We still have two Scions up there," she smirked, aimed her Launcher and shoot twice screaming, "Come to mommy!"

Thane and Garrus stood up just a moment after her shoots, each finishing one of them. "Good work," she complimented, while Mordin scanned the team for any possible injury.

EDI radio them, informing that she regained control of ships computers. She explained them, that the distress signal originated from the Collector ship contained an error that clearly identifies it as a non-turian signal. EDI stated that there is no possibility whatsoever, that the Illusive Man would have been fooled by it, since she discovered the error using Cerberus detection protocols, which he wrote. EDI concluded, that he knowingly sent them into the trap. Angie cursed colourfully; promising to rip out the Illusive Mans eyeballs and stick them up where the sun never shines. At that point Joker interrupted their exchange, telling them to hurry up, because the cruiser is powering up its weapons. Angie complied.

"Figures, getting in was easy… getting out will be hell," Angie snorted.

"It does remind you of something, doesn't it?" Garrus jeered.

"Of course, oh, almighty Archangel of Omega!" she laughed and punched him in the shoulder.

On their way out, they fought a nice assembly of Collector Drones, Guardians and Scions. Harbinger of course did assume control few times; not feeling inclined to leave the Saturday-night party just yet.

In one of the rooms, a nice set of Collectors awaited them, complimented with a Praetorian.

"Isn't that just peachy," Shepard muttered, as she noticed Praetorian.

"What in the name of gods is that?" Thane asked, jumping into cover beside Angie.

"Praetorian," Angie spat like the word itself would taste like dead krogan. _Not that I know how dead krogan tastes…don't want to find out it either, _she rolled her eyes.

"We took care of one, back on Horizon. Nasty little bugger," Garrus explained.

"Garrus, I need you to snipe the Collectors. Mordin help Garrus, use Cyro Blast and Incinerate." Shepard ordered. Garrus and Mordin nodded consent. Angie then turned to Thane: "Thane, I want you to use Warp at Praetorian after I throw Singularity at it. We need to bring down its barrier and armour."

Garrus and Mordin did marvellous job at giving Collectors a well-deserved rest, while Angie and Thane managed to destroy Praetorians barriers and armour. After that, they all started shooting at it, running from one cover to another. At last it crumbled to the ground, exploding. Angie barely managed to duck in the cover before it happened.

"Impressive," Mordin commented.

Angie cursed vividly when she realised, that she managed to dislocate her arm, when she jumped into cover. She signalled the squad to move forward. But the battle was not over yet, as they were greeted with more Collectors keeping company with Abominations and a Scion. They managed to take them all down before another Harbinger would appear. They headed down the lengthy hall and were forced to back-pedal in order to get into cover. A large group of Husks said their grumbling –hello- to them. Garrus and Thane sniped, Mordin stayed in cover as Angie ordered him, while she used Singularity and Pull on the husks. Finally they were able to get out of the ship and back onto Normandy.

… … … … …

As soon as Angie set her foot back on Normandy she stormed into Communications Room. "You should see a doctor first," Garrus tried to reason, but Angie just look really nastily at him and made him back away. Thane, Garrus and Mordin ran after her, but came to the stop when the doors closed after her. Some of the other crewmembers joined the trio, listening curiously as a bunch of colourful curses were heard from inside. They could distinctively hear everything that Angie said, but not The Illusive Man.

"You cyber bastard! You knew it was a fucking trap and don't even try to deny it," Angie shouted.

"I wouldn't dream it," The Illusive Man calmly said after lightning up a cigarette.

"You willingly sent us into it! You could at least fucking warn us," Shepard growled.

"I did and I could. But to what end, Shepard? I have complete trust in your abilities, I knew you will succeed," he said calmly.

"That doesn't change anything! Somebody could have died," she accused.

"I knew you would bring all out alive. And nobody did die." He nonchalantly shrugged.

"I promise you this: when I find you, you will regret that Collectors didn't get to you before I did." She hissed.

"I have no doubt that we will enjoy the time together at that point," he smiled charmingly at her.

Angie stared at him. "If you are implying, what I think you are… I would rather throw myself to the mercy of a Reaper!" she coldly responded.

"I am a powerful man, and you are powerful woman. Think of the things we could accomplish together." He said sweetly.

"And what would that be? Another series of failed experiments?" she hissed back.

"The experiment that I have in mind, would lead to satisfactory result, do not doubt that." The Illusive Man responded smugly.

"For you perhaps," she nonchalantly shrugged. "But you can seek THAT from an asari. Interesting choice for a xenophobe, if I may say." She vilified. Angie remembered Miranda telling her about some asari that regularly visited The Illusive Man. Miranda was drunk at the time she told Angie this, but she didn't lie.

The Illusive Man smiled crookedly: "Oh, I wasn't aware that you care, my dear."

"I don't!" she felt the need to punch something.

"To quench your -" The Illusive Man paused eyeing her: "fears, that particular asari is merely side dish. An unimportant indulgement from my side, one I am sure, you will forgive, as I forgive you your drell." He smirked. "But after you defeat Collectors and return to me unscratched, I shall make my life mission to make you forget that drell, same as I know, you will make me forget the asari." He smiled ever so charmingly.

"You… you… you are just so…" Angie's ire has robed her of her words.

"Irresistible, I believe is the word you seek," he offered.

"Argh…" Angie growled.

"Now, since I want us to have time alone sooner than later, I suggest we focus back on the mission. I have just discovered how the Collectors survive the passage through the Omega 4 Relay. Thanks to the data you collected." He smiled. "They use an advance form of and Identify Friend/Foe device, or IFF for short." He paused and lit another cigarette. "Every Collector Ship is equipped with the device." He concluded.

"That's just swell! Don't you think you could tell me that before! I was already on a damn Collector ship." Angie spat angrily.

"I told you that I just discover it." He raised an eyebrow at her. "Besides, you wouldn't have time to retreat it anyhow," he nonchalantly added.

"Fine, can't argue that," Angie replied disdainfully.

"Good. It breaks my heart when we argue, dear." He smiled charmingly. "We have also located a Derelict Reaper in the Thorne system of the Hawking Eta Cluster. It is in orbit of the brown dwarf Mnemosyne. The vessel's mass effect fields keep it aloft and save and I have already dispatched a team to study it." He said seriously.

"Figures. I guess, I should be impressed," She shrugged.

"Thank you," he smiled sweetly. "There is good chance that the trip through the Omega 4 Relay will likely be a one way trip. I don't have to remind you, I trust, that you need your team to be focused on their tasks in order to complete it successfully."

"You don't have to remind me. And my team is no concern of yours. You do what you do, and I will do what I have to do." She responded.

"I would love to meet you in person before you go on that particular trip, but I can not allow you to be distracted. I however expect you to safely return and except my invitation to dinner." He said and smiled charmingly.

Angie just terminated the link before punching into the wall. After a minute of deep breathing, in order to calm herself, she called in Garrus, Thane, Mordin and Miranda.

"What did The Illusive Man said?" Thane asked.

"He admitted that he knew it was a trap," she shrugged. "I never trusted him and now I know for sure that I can't."

"I am pretty sure that there were more to your discussion…" Garrus teased.

"It was and I have no intention to repeat what was said." She grumbled.

"Such sweet-talker, hey," Garrus teased.

Angie glared at him: "I suggest you shut your mouth. I am really not in the mood for this right now."

"Sure Shade, I wouldn't want to have my other side of face shot away," he laughed.

Shepard told them everything that The Illusive Man told her, well not everything, as they discussed the mission. EDI discovered that the Collector homeworld; calculation based on the Collector ship's course through Omega 4 Relay; is located in the galactic core. All were shocked, except Shepard. Angie pointed out that EDI is never wrong, and that considering what the Reapers have already done, a base in the core of the galaxy doesn't seem all that unlikely when you put it next to the construction of Mass Relays and the Citadel. At the end, they decided that they would continue building up their team. Angie dismissed them and finally went to Med Bay in order to get her dislocated arm fixed and then get some well-deserved rest.


	16. Lend me Thy Light Pt1

_**Authors Notes: My thanks again go to voltagelisa to fixing my many mistakes and making my rumblings more fluid.**_

_**Kiki Aries: Thanks for leaving a review! It means a lot. I completely agree, he most definitely has a sick obsession.**_

_**Aww, I guess last chapter was really bad, considering the amount of reviews received. Ah, well… Anyhow, was dealing with a little writing block these days and it to some extent still holds on me, but I managed to produce this first part of seventh chapter regardless and it shows where we shall be stirring this story to… Reviews are most welcome, may it be negative in constructive way or positive. Thanks for following this story.**_

… … … … …

**There s a story in your eyes**  
><strong>I can see the hurt behind your smile<strong>  
><strong>For every sign I recognize<strong>  
><strong>Another one escapes me<strong>

**(Dream Theater – I Walk Beside You)**

**Chapter 7: LEND ME THY LIGHT Pt. 1**

Angie's day routine was broken when Garrus asked her to visit him. He had told her before, how Sidonis a former teammate of his, sold out his squad to the mercenaries. She knew that this betrayal and the loss of his team-mates had marked Garrus, and he wanted revenge. She hoped, that in time this hatred would just cease to exist, but it is never so easy. Garrus didn't forget. He had told her, that one of his contacts had spotted Sidonis on the Citadel. Someone named Fade has facilitated Sidonis' disappearance. Angie promised Garrus that they would seek him out, as soon as they return to the Citadel. In secrecy, she hoped to postpone this for a bit longer.

She was on her way to the elevator when a low, rumbling voice stopped her: "Angie, can we speak?"

She turned around, already knowing that it was Thane. Angie raised an eyebrow, "You too?" Thane tilted his head questioningly. Angie sighed, "It doesn't matter," she smiled warily. "What do you want to speak about?"

Thane looked around with a troubled face: "Could you come to Life Support?" he asked pleadingly. "It is," he paused, taking a fortifying breath before continuing, "personal."

Another sigh involuntarily escaped Angie's lips as she mumbled under her breath: "It always is, isn't it?"

Thane tilted his head yet again, but she just shrugged away the unspoken question of his. "Just follow me to the Loft, would you." Thane nodded and followed her without saying another word.

… … … … …

Angie walked down the few steps and gestured Thane to sit on the couch. Thane walked past the terrarium and shoots one fleeting glance at the gecko in there, before he sat down, still keeping silent. Angie poured him a drink, some asari juice she liked and waited for him to speak. He accepted the refreshing juice, but still remained silent, looking at a point beyond Angie's face.

Shepard usually didn't mind the silence between them, but the pained expression on his face was bothering her. "What's the matter?" she furrowed her brows: "Is there something wrong?" Concern was tangible in her voice.

Thane's gaze fixed on her, his voice dark as he spoke, "Yes." His eyeridges furrowed: "Now that we are here though," he paused, uncertainty clouding his voice: "It seems more difficult to talk about." He shifted uncomfortably.

"Are you feeling sick?" Angie asked worry plain in her voice. "I could call a doctor?" she offered, as she gently touched his hand.

"No. No." he said with determination, shaking his head as if to support his words. "Though," he paused once more, thinking. "I suppose that is part of it." Thane rose to his feet agitatedly, his hands clasped behind his back, his eyes focused on the floor as he paced Shepard's room trying to figure out how to explain this to her. "My mortality has me dwelling on things." _How can I tell her that I had a family once, _he wondered, _how can I tell her that I left her? What will she think of me?_

Angie silently followed every step of his, waiting for him to continue.

Thane abruptly stopped his pacing and met Angie's gaze with intensity, "I had a family once. I still have a son." Sadness crossed his eyes, "I haven't seen him for a very long time."

_Family? A son? I…I never thought he would have one, _Angie thought, her expression devoid of any emotion, her commander mask firmly in place. _Of course he would be married, just look at him, _she thought bitterly to herself, before addressing Thane. "How long has it been since you last talked?" her voice seemed almost cold as she tried to detach herself.

Thane sighed, looked away and sat back down, "Ten years." He bowed his head before he continued talking. "He showed me some of his schoolwork and asked if we could dance crazy. We did that when he was younger."

Angie's curiosity got better of her, as she spoke in lighter tone. "What sort of dance is that?" She could easily imagine Thane dancing, but dancing crazy? That was beyond her imagination.

"It's," Thane started to explain, but a memory surged forward and he 'painted' the memory for her. _I check my extranet contacts. I expect an update on my next target. The console plays music. Old. Unfashionable. Kolyat jumps into the room, "Hi, father," runs around in circles. I scoop him up. Toss him up into the air. He shrieks, laughs, "Spin me," He demands. The console beeps. I put him down. Click the message. "Father," he pleads, disappointment in his voice as he tugs my sleeve. "I need to read this," I say. I don't look at him. _The memory fades as Thane utters the last words sadly; his eyes focus again, looking at the glass of juice on the table.

Angie can almost taste the pain radiating from Thane on her tongue. She swallows hard before she speaks again. "Did something happen to them?" she asks carefully. _Of course it did happen to him, he's talking about them as if they are gone, _sad thought crossed her mind.

Thane catches her eyes with his, taking a deep breath and almost whispers his answer, "I abandoned them." He looks away in shame, awaiting her fury. He knows that her parents had left her all alone when she was just a small child.

Angie gasped for air. "You…" she stops and moved closer to him. "How…" she starts asking, calmly, but stops once again. She can't quite voice her questions.

Thane looks at her again, searching her face for disgust, but he couldn't find any signs of that emotion, her eyes shone with only sympathy. "Oh, not all at once," he breathes, sadness and regret dripping from each word. Angie eyes never leaving his face as she watched a rain of emotions crossing his face. He continued, his face finally settling on one emotion - bitterness. "Nothing dramatic," he smiles bitterly. "No sneaking out in the middle of the night. No final argument or slamming the door. I just," he pauses, looks away from Angie. Regret, sadness, sorrow and anger blanketed the air, "did my job." A tear escapes his eye; he only notices it when Angie's fingers gently touch his cheek and wiping away the salty drop, unconsciously. "I hunted and killed across the galaxy. 'Always on business,' my wife would tell people." He explains further. "I was always on business," he whispers pain and self-loathing fill his voice as he is still looking away from her.

"You never," Angie speaks slowly, carefully, "mentioned this before." She gently touches his chin, slowly forcing him to look at her. "Why now?" she asks, curiously.

"When my wife departed from her body," he utters, his voice shaking slightly. "I attended to that issue. I left Kolyat in the care of his aunts and uncles. I haven't seen or talked to him since."

Angie lets her hand fall down onto her knee, her expression hardened even as she tries to conceal it: "That's not the choice I expected." She shakes her head, trying hard to understand. "Why didn't you take him and raise him yourself?" a hint of accusation detected in her voice, as she pulled herself away from him.

Thane felt that he needed to make her understand, for Kolyat's sake as much as for his own. As Angie moved away from him, he moved towards her, gently catching her hand in his. "My body is blessed with the skills to take life. The hanar have honed them in me." He kept his gaze on her as he sadly whispered, "I have few other skills." Angie tenderly squeezed his hand, trying to comfort him, he just shook his head slightly as he continued, "I didn't want that life for Kolyat," Thanes voice trembled. "He does what his body wills. I hoped he would find his own way. If he hated me, so be it. He would not share the path of sin," he said with determination. "I used my contacts to trace Kolyat. He has become… disconnected," he concluded, worry evident in his voice.

"You'll have to explain that one to me," Angie said, still struggling to understand all that he told her.

Thane let her hand go, stood up again and paced the room. "Disconnected." He repeated the word. "The body is not our true self. The soul is. Body and soul work as one in a Whole Person. When the soul is weakened by despair or fear," he paused, "when the body is ill or injured, the individual is disconnected. No longer whole." He stopped pacing, looking at Angie, hoping she would understand.

Angie nodded her understanding, thinking for a bit, watching Thane as he sat back down. "What is wrong with him? Is he hurt?" worry tangible in her voice as she reached for his hands.

Thane intertwined their fingers subconsciously, speaking gravely: "Something happened that should not have." He shook his head, sadly. "He knows where I have been, what I have done. I don't know his reasons, but he has gone to the Citadel. He took a job as a hit-man." He stopped as he heard her gasp. He looked her straight into her eyes: "I would like your help to stop him. He is," he paused again, thinking: "This is not a path he should walk." He concluded.

Angie nodded solemnly, but said with doubt, "You don't hire raw rookie for a contract killing," she shook her head.

Thane's voice was troubled. "I'm afraid someone seen we share a name and assumed we share the skill." He looked away: "I don't know why he would accept the task," he was disgruntled.

"To be closer to you maybe?" Angie guessed.

"That thought haunts me more than any other," he replied severely, his face wretched.

Angie thought for a bit before, trying to figure out how Kolyat could get such job. "Maybe he used your name to get hired," she guessed again.

"It's possible," Thane answered. "But I don't think so. It doesn't seem right. My name," he paused. "He should not respect it." He shook his head, looking away.

"Thane," Angie said, but he didn't look at her. "Thane," she repeated, he still didn't look at her. She let herself slip onto floor, moved slightly to kneel before him. "Thane look at me," she demanded, and he obliged her, his eyes hollow. "You should not think so little of yourself," she spoke softly.

"You don't know what you speak of," his voice came harsh as he held tears back. Thane looked away from her again.

Angie took his face into her hands, gently forcing him to look at her again. The warmth of her hands feeling soothingly against his cheeks. "Thane, listen to me," her voice pleading, the sweetness of her breathe fanning his skin as he gazed into the blues of her eyes. "You are incredible man, Thane," she spoke softly. Thane wanted to argue but she stopped him. "You did mistakes, everybody does them, but you are still a good man." Her voice caressed him. "You watched your son and you want to help him. That only makes you," she paused, "a better parent than some of us ever had." She smiled slightly. "And you joined a suicide mission to save the galaxy without demanding a payment. That makes you incredible," she added as a matter of fact, letting her hands fall gently on his shoulders. Small tear escaped Thane's eye, Angie leaned to him and kissed his cheek, tenderly stopping the tear on its path.

"Thank you, Si-Angie," he breathed, corner of his lip tugged up into faint, half-smile. Angie just nodded, stood up slowly and paced a room for a while, thinking. She knew, that she didn't really convinced him otherwise, but it will have to do for now. Thane composed himself again, waiting for her to speak.

"Thane," she started again, her voice troubled. "I don't have your contacts, and I don't have your tracking skills." She stated, stopped pacing, and turned to look at him again. "Why do you need my help with this?" she asked, curiosity and confusion lacing her words.

"I don't need your help," Thane responded. Angie's eyebrow arched up. Thane looked at her with determination, "I want it," he said vehemently. He stood up, closing the distance between them until he was just few inches from her. "The last time I have seen my son…" He started, but then one of his memories surfaced without him wanting it to, consumed him as his eyes went out of focus, his breathing laboured, words quick to leave his lips. _They wrapped her body in the sea-vines. Weighted it with stones. He tries to pull from me. Calls for her. The hanar lift her from the platform. They sing like bells. –The fire is gone to be kindled anew. - He begs them to not to take her away. They let her body slide into the water. He hits me. "Don't let them. Stop them! Why weren't you…?" It rains. It always rains on Khaje. Warm water pours around his face._ Thane draws long breath, shaking himself out from memory. His eyes focus again.

Angie fought hard to suppress the tears that wanted to escape her as she listened to this painful memory. She wrapped her arms around Thane, gently pulling him closer, feeling desperate need to comfort him. Thane instinctually wrapped his arms around her waist, letting her pull him closer, he rested his head on her shoulder, and breathing is the roses scent of her soft hair. "I am sorry," she whispered, "I didn't mean to make you relive that."

He nodded slightly, letting the warmth of her body envelope his senses. "Perfect memory," he breathed, sad smile dancing on his lips. "It is sometimes a burden." _Siha, _echooded in his mind.

They stood like that, arms wrapped around another, for a while. Eventually Angie slowly pulled away, releasing him. Thane reluctantly let go of her. Angie paced the room, eyebrows furrowed, thinking. "What made him go to the Citadel?" she finally asked.

Thane sighted: "Years ago I prepared package for him. A relic of my ill-spent life," he said darkly.

Angie walked towards him; laid her hand tenderly on his shoulder. He offered her small smile, raised his hand and let it rest on hers that was still on his shoulder. "I had volus banker store it and arranged for delivering when I die. He acquired it early. I don't really know how. I did wet work on the Citadel around the time his mother died. That may be why he went there." His voice was worried.

Angie nodded: "I will get us to the Citadel as soon as possible," she promised.

"I don't expect you to…" Thane started but was cut short as Angie raised her hand silencing him.

"EDI, tell Joker to change our course. We are going to the Citadel." Angie ordered.

"Yes, Shepard. Do you need anything else?" EDI responded.

"No, thank you. That will be all." Angie turned back to Thane. "I believe you will want to get ready for when we arrive?" she said tenderly.

"You are correct," Thane offered her a smile. "I will be in Life Support meditating until you need me."

Angie nodded to him and sat behind her terminal, checking her messages. Thane watched her for few more seconds before he moved towards the doors. Before he left, he turned around and faced her, "Thank you," he breathed.

"Any time, Thane, any time," Angie almost whispered, smiling.

Thane nodded and left. Angie sighed and let her head fall onto her hands. She replayed their conversation again, worrying for Thane and Kolyat. _What if we get there to late, _she shook her head, hoping that they have enough time to save Thane's son.


End file.
